Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Hank Paulson Book Tour

by LesleyMo (writer), , January 31, 2010

Credit: Jurn Hocke
Everyone is writing a book these days.

The unauthorized, unadulterated, unfactual kick-off interview in which the Hankster is confronted by his unfavorite political uncandidate.

Hank Paulson is now ready to enlighten us all about the near-collapse of the financial system, with his new book On The Brink. I kind of wish somebody had pushed him OFF that brink, preferably with cement blocks on his feet. But no, here he is, with a book explaining how difficult those times were for poor Hank.

It was stressful. He suffered bouts of exhaustion and nausea. He read Bible verses and prayed for divine assistance. Barf.

Here is one of my favorite passages, describing a conversation with Sarah Palin:

"Right away she started calling me Hank... But for some reason, the way she said it over the phone like that, even though we'd never met, rubbed me the wrong way. I'm also not sure she grasped the full dimensions of the situation I had sketched out - or so some of her comments made me think."

And now - what a coincidence! - the first stop on Paulson's book tour is this fictitious, hard-hitting discussion with fellow author and bewildered pundit ... Sarah Palin!

Let's listen in...


Sarah: Good morning Hank! Can I call you Hank?

Hank: No.

S: Thanks! It's such an honor to meet a distinguished American such as yourself on this great American network that has given me an opportunity to rebuke the shameless critics who have nothing better to do than to mock myself, a genuine American hockey mom as you know therefore.

H: Was that a question?

S: Oh! Haha! Yes I do have some questions for you, Hankster. First, where's your bus?

H: It's right outside. It's the one with the sign on the side that says "Back off. I did it to Lehman Brothers, I can do it to you."

S: I understand your faith helped you get through the whole ordeal, HankyPank.

H: Yes. I often turned to God for help.

S: You mean you prayed?

H: No. I called Lloyd Blankfein, the Godly head of Goldman Sachs who wants nothing more than to do God's work. He always had encouraging words for me.

S: Like what, HankityWankity?

H: He would tell me, "Henry" - he calls me Henry like most normal people - "Henry, this will all work out in the end. You know from whence your help cometh and to whence the billions of dollars of taxpayer money needeth to go. Get ye hence and write us a check." So I did.

S: (sniff) Oh, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard! Thank you for your time. Can I call you Hank?

H: No.

S: Thanks Hank! Tune in tomorrow, when I will be giving my punditistic opinion on whatever happens in the meantime in this great nation I am proud to call home of the free and land of the brave men and women who protect our - what's that? time's up? - therefore also thus.

About the Writer

LesleyMo is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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