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Saturday, December 16, 2017

letter to the editor; Re: AUSTRALIAN MEAT PIE Vs HOT DOG

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Dear Editor,
I am a strong believer in the First Amendment right which guarantees all individuals "freedom of speech". It is one of the basic tenets of which this country was birthed. However, there must be a point where responsible people draw a line in the sand.

To say I am disappointed in the editorial staff of this newspaper would be a massive understatement, at the very least!
I have emailed your circulation department a request, on my behalf, for an immediate refund in full for any remaining time left on my subscription. There will be no more "BrooWaha" with this readers morning coffee again. And my past issues shall only be used as cage lining for my illiterate cockatoo, "Barney". If you continue to litter my drive-way with your shameless tabloid, I will contact the authorities. Why?, you ask. Let me tell you why!

Your willy, nilly decision to print the blasphemous article, "An Australian Day Showdown: Meat Pie Vs Hot Dog", by V. showed a complete lack of respect for the American Hot Dog eating public. To allow a comparison between America's beloved and honored "Red Hot" and some sort of pie crust stuffed with "mystery meat" and gravy was irresponsible and unconscionable.

A Hot Dog, piled high with onions, sauerkraut, relish and mustard, that is a heavenly thought. The author would have us imagine a "pastie" pie with a ketchup bottle impaled in it's "lid" with the same yearnings, I think not.

I use the word "pasties", as the English are also are known to imbibe in these exercises in blandness. "Meat Pie" or "Pasties", they are but one in the same. In fairness though, in all other matters, should the question arise, "Whom do you believe, the Australian or the Pomme, (aka "Englishman)"? I will always take the Aussies view.
Having lived in both London and Sydney, I chuckle every time I hear the story of the birth of modern day Australia. While hard to imagine today, in the late 1700's, it was England's brilliant idea to send their convicts to Bondi Beach and paradise, while they stayed in cold, dark London. Duh!

But, back to important things. The author of this piece, V., makes note of an impending invasion of the U.S. Market by Australia's two biggest pie companies. She states they will expend "billions of dollars" and are teaming up with a U.S. food giant. Wolfgang Puck's name is tossed into the mix. This will be war.

The barrel of the gun is pointed squarely at Hot Dogs today, but what else lies in the sights of Aussie's boardrooms? Tomorrow, it could be another American institution, peanut and jelly. Be forewarned, there is another threat lurking in the background and it is spelled VEGEMITE. It is a foul smelling, awful concoction of some sort of yeast extract. It looks and tastes like some sort of sludge you would scrape off the the engine block of a 1958 Buick Special. But don't underestimate Vegemite's power. Australians bought 22 million bottles of the stuff last year! They eat it on just about everything, but they love it on toast. I can easily visualize the Vegemite mogals lying in wait, just looking for a crack in the jelly, jam and preserve market!

Stay sharp and focused America, we are under siege.

In fairness, I guess i should mention that I operate a Hot Dog stand at the beach. It's small, really small, not important. Actually, I am not sure why I even bring it up.


About the Writer

Steven Lane is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on letter to the editor; Re: AUSTRALIAN MEAT PIE Vs HOT DOG

Log In To Vote   Score: -1
By V on January 12, 2007 at 01:29 am
The Vegemite War Song We're hap-py lit-tle Veg-e-mites As bright as bright can be. We all en-joy our Ve-ge-mite For break-fast, lunch, and tea. Our mum-mies say we're grow-ing stron-ger Eve-ry sin-gle week, Be-cause we love our Ve-ge-mite - We all a-dore our Ve-ge-mite - It puts a rose in eve-ry cheek. Well I guess my plan to seek out your hot dog stand when next I find myself in Ventura has been thwarted. You can't be expected to feed the enemy ; ). I take receipt of regular shipment of this contraband, keeping a fully stocked cupboard at home and a travel tube of the stuff in a drawer at work for breakfast toast (much to the disgust of my co-workers). But you needn't worry for a Vegemite invasion. If there had been any inkling of the possibility that the stuff could sell here in the USA, it would have happened aaaaaggggggeeees ago. Vegemite is owned by Kraft - an American company ... (I blaspheme, but it's true). Actually I have a self invented gravy recipe in which a major ingredient is Vegemite. I can give it to you if you like. When spooned over fried onions which have been spooned over a hot dog, it's heaven! Funny article, I like it very much!
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Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By Steven Lane on January 12, 2007 at 01:33 am
All totally meant in fun! If you get to Ventura come on by.
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Log In To Vote   Score: -1
By V on January 12, 2007 at 11:52 am
I surely will. Because then I will have met you, which would technically mean that I could say, "I know someone in America with a hot dog stand." Being able to say this when back home in Australia, I would find especially cool. It's the small things with me ...
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