Football is for lovers? Football reminds me of cool, crisp nights sitting on the bleachers and necking with your favorite boy toy, right? But what happens when you get married and all your boy toy wants to do now is neck with his favorite team and a can of brew or two? Ack!
Now there’s help. Football is for Lovers is the latest humorous book by the writing team, Robert Brooker and Kathleen O’Dougherty.
We interviewed them to find out more about their book and why we need it so.
Thank you for this interview, Robert and Kathleen. How long have you two been a writing team?
Robert/Kathleen: You're welcome. We've been a team – both writing and otherwise - for decades now. But our writing has been mostly performance-oriented. Songs, skits, scripts . . . stuff like that. Appropriately enough, we met in a recording studio on 42nd Street. We were doing a commercial for E.J. Korvette's. Who went out of business shortly thereafter.
So you just sat down one day and decided to write a book together? How did this happen?
Robert/Kathleen: 'Sat down' is the operative phrase. Besides writing for the stage, Bob had always been an entertainer. A singer mostly. But also an actor and director. But then, when Bob had a stroke a few years back, his life upon the wicked stage was cut short. One week, we were getting ready to go into a recording studio to finish up a new album. The next, we were in a local hospital figuring out some basic stuff like walking and talking. Even so, there was no way we were going to give up writing. Only now, we realized we'd need to do it sitting down and with our mouths shut. A book seemed like a good idea.
Okay, so I don’t really understand the game which is what your book is all about – understanding football and how to put an end to the TV clicker wars, right? What can you tell me about the game that will make me understand it more?
Robert/Kathleen: As we say in the book, football is chess on Astroturf. But it can also be understood – and enjoyed – as checkers. Maybe even sub-checkers. The way we see it, people are intimidated by a combination of the apparent chaos on the football field coupled with a lot of esoteric jargon thrown around by those know-it-all commentators. Truth is, football is simple. At heart, it's just your basic war game in which a bunch of guys keep trying to move a strangely-shaped ball behind enemy lines. The enemy – also known as the opposing team – keeps trying to stop them. Each bunch of guys wears a different color uniform, so it's easy to tell them apart. And warlike though the game may be, each bunch takes turns at having a chance to move the ball, which we think is rather sweet. Anyway, the winner is the bunch who makes it more often all the way into the Enemy Citadel (known as the end zone – easily identified by the big white poles sticking up therein). And don't worry if you have trouble seeing whose turn it is to have the football. If you just follow the colorful moving masses of players, the team with the ball will tend to be the guys moving forward. Although sadly, not always. But here's a tip: if you're rooting for a team that you realize actually has the ball, but is moving backward, you might want to think about changing sides.
Better yet, what can you tell me about learning football that’s going to help me spice up my love life?
Robert/Kathleen: It's not one specific thing, but rather the whole body of the experience. Once you've learned enough to actually share what's happening – and sharing is really the key here - you'll find that what you're sharing is highly-charged, electric energy. Being revved up by this sort of vicarious thrill leaves one's energies . . . well, undissipated, as it were. Thus leaving it available for things other than football. Which things can be made even spicier if one has taken advantage of laying on some bets during the game. Football is for Lovers gives you plenty of ideas on the subject that you can put to good use. Some of them include M&Ms. And whipped cream. Hey, all that football-stimulated excitement can make you hungry.
What’s the worse thing that could happen to me if I started liking football more than sex?
Robert/Kathleen: Aside from the fact that we'd worry about you, we find ourselves wondering about the possible thought behind the question. Could it be that your average 'football widow' suspects that's what's already happened? As you so nicely put it, " . . . all your boy toy wants to do now is neck with his favorite team and a can of brew or two?" Even the "Ack!" is well-said. So we ask you: how did this happen? Has your boy-toy, in fact, become more interested in football than in sex? Or have you perhaps sent him to the NFL version of the 'other woman' (in cleats no less!) by default? Of course, if you start liking football more than sex, it hardly matters anymore, now does it?
Make me laugh. Grab a smidgeon of an excerpt and let me hear it. You get extra brownie points if I fall out of my seat in hysterics.
Robert/Kathleen: To give you a balanced view of our book, how about we give you a smidgeon from both angles, the football thing and the lovers thing?
Okay. First football. We really like brownies even without the points, so what we'll do is quote a quotation from the book that made us laugh. It's sports commentator Chris Berman's story about his interview with the legendary George "Papa Bear" Halas. The subject is football's first superstar, Red Grange, who began his football career when he was in college back in the 1920s. Says Berman: "I was interviewing George Halas and I asked him who is the greatest running back you ever saw. And he said, 'That would be Red Grange.' And I asked him if Grange was playing today, how many yards do you think he'd gain. And he said, 'About 750, maybe 800 yards.' And I said, 'Well, 800 yards is just okay.' He sat up in his chair and he said, 'Son, you must remember one thing. Red Grange is 75 years old.'"
Okay. The sex stuff. " . . . now that we've established what's in it for you, the next question is: how do you go about getting it? Well, it seems to us, while halfway decent sex may be available to most of the people most of the time, great sex goes deeper than that. We'd say no pun intended, but what the heck."
So what’s next for you guys? More books?
Robert/Kathleen: Definitely. We're already working on another humorous non-fiction book with the
working title He's Not the Guy (God Didn't Do It!). It bothers us
when we hear those stories about things like, say, a building collapsing and
ninety-nine people being killed. And the
sole survivor says, "It was a miracle! God saved me!" So - uh –
exactly what does that mean? God killed
the other ninety-nine? We think
not. And we intend to set the record
How can everyone find out more about you on the web?
Robert/Kathleen: They can visit us at our website, http://www.footballforlovers.com. It's got articles, excerpts, a Family Album, even fashion tips to help you maximize the experience. So y'all come see us, hear?
Thank you so much for this interview, guys! Good luck to you and hope you find much success! Meanwhile, I’m digging into your new book right now!