Monday, September 24, 2018

Abandonment And P T S D

by Edward (writer), , August 28, 2009


When my heart is telling me I love ya but you're acting strange.

After 9-11 I didn’t want to kill anyone, I didn’t even want revenge.  I just wanted to help its victims.  So I began to volunteer.  There I was trained in what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is and how to work with and help those with it. 

In the game of life one of the biggest players is our emotions. Feelings can make a person become jealous and words of love can make a soul willing to give anything in order to have that love. Being betrayed by love is hard! Many people who have been betrayed by love have committed suicide because of the pain. People who kill themselves do not do so to die, they do it to end their pain.  There are many forms of betrayal that we might feel in our lives.

There are the obvious ones, like infidelity and breaking the commitment to be monogamous, or an agreement to stay together. But there are much more subtle forms of betrayal. I call these breaking unspoken agreements. One is the agreement to be honest, to tell the truth. Every time we lie, mislead or deceive, that's a little betrayal. There's also disrespect, not showing respect to people but, instead, shaming them or judging them. There is not being there for the one who profess to love.  There's not acting like a friend.

We all do these to one degree or another. It's important to pay attention to them.

Another kind of betrayal is withholding or withdrawing, so we don't really share our feelings and what's going on inside of us. Our feelings, our hopes, our fears, our longings, our hurts. We keep them secret from the other person. That creates distance rather than intimacy in a relationship.

So when I agree to "love, honor and cherish until death do we part," there is an unspoken agreement that I will be fully committed to the relationship, that I will be there all the time, sharing the intimacy. What we can really do is to be committed to the process, being honest, being open, being real, being vulnerable, working through conflict as it arises, respecting each other, respecting our differences without trying to change, manipulate or control our partner.

Read Choosing To Love In Spite Of Heartache, Haunted By The Past, And What Of Your Precious Marriage Vows?,  She Must Be In Denial!, Flip Flop Rers Among Us, James K. Olson and It Is The Hour To Be Drunken!  Charles Harmison wrote We are supposed to be friends to cristogianni.  He wrote that in expectation that a Friend on Broowaha was exactly that, a friend.  These stories are about betrayal and its effect on the one betrayed.  That effect can leave the betrayed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Any male that leaves to die a woman depending on him, or treats a woman like this John did in And What Of Your Precious Marriage and in the comments what this James K. Olson did whether that woman be a wife justifiably and understandably relying on explicit marriage vows or a girlfriend justifiably and understandably relying on what their relationship implies, Hell has a special place reserved for that male.

Spouse, or spousal equivalent's are supposed to be your friends.  If you can’t trust and rely on your spouse, or spousal equivalent, then who can you trust and rely on?  Do Not All Of Us Hate Backstabbing?

I'll say it again.  After 9-11 I didn’t want to kill anyone, I didn’t even want revenge. I just wanted to help its victims.  In And What Of Your Precious Marriage Vows?I don’t think Alice has low self-esteem. On the contrary, I think her self-esteem is ok. I think her reaction is normal.  Alice has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The description of how Alice now is meets classic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the moments described in this heartrending story, Alice had several simultaneous heartrending losses.

- her loss of her husband not being there for her when she was sick,
- her loss of her trust, belief and faith in her husband.
- her loss of her husband,
- her loss of her marriage,
- her loss of her lifestyle,
- her loss of her companion,
- her loss of her lover,
- her loss of her best friend,
- her loss of her home with her husband,
- her loss of her employment.

Alice probably felt embarrassment in front of the hospital staff and her friends at how her husband acted.

Part of my on-going training in helping those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was to watch and discuss the powerful Reign Over Me. It’s a movie about a 9-11 victim. The husband’s wife, kids and dog were on one of the 9-11 planes. I recommend watching Reign Over Me as it graphically shows the husband’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his heartrending loss. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder lasts the rest of the victim’s lifetime. I have yet to hear of or find a victim who got over it. Reign Over Me portrays not only this gravely hurt victim, previously a normal guy, even a successful doctor, but also how others around him ranged from protecting him to hurting him after his shock. From his landlady, to his in-laws, to a doctor’s receptionist, to the police, to his college roommate, to a psychologist, to lawyers, and to a judge, each saw this grievously hurt victim very differently.

Of course, not victimizing another is best. Not having the shock that results in the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is preferable. But when the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder does happen, as so well depicted in Reign Over Me, a friend, colleagues, the police, judges, etc. who gives the victim in shock all the support, compassion, time and space in the world is what a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder victim needs.

About the Writer

Edward is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on Abandonment And P T S D

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By Carmen on August 28, 2009 at 06:37 pm

That effect can leave the betrayed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

George W. Bush's policies left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

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By Bonnie Wilson on February 07, 2010 at 03:39 pm

This suicide by cop just sickens me. That, restraining orders and addicts belong in the medical system not the legal system. When the brain is hijacked by a chemical cocktail, whether its from drug addition or love obsession, same thing chemically. Too much is in the legal system that rightfully belongs in medicine. Its like when diabetics were once mistakenly thought as drunk, tossed into jail to dry out, where they to often died from their diabetic reaction. Treatment, not punitive, is the appropriate actions to take with addition, restraining orders, suicide by cop, and suicide period. A health care professional is trained in thes ematters. A cop, prosecutor and judge aren't and have no business being involved in medical issues,

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