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Tuesday, October 17, 2017

What If They Sold Houses Like The True Believers Sell Heaven

by David M Payne (writer), Hi, I'm Bob, August 03, 2009

I'm always amazed that people buy into the God/religion biz and its promise of heaven for the true believer. That's assuming you pick the right religion, sect, cult etc to begin with, but that's anoth

                            What if they sold houses like

                              True believers sell heaven?

                                    © 8-1-09 By David M Payne

I'm always amazed that people buy into the God/religion biz and its promise of heaven for the true believer. That's assuming you pick the right religion, sect, cult etc to begin with, but that's another essay.

Try this out. You are invited to a seminar on buying a house for only 10% of your income! Well, that’s a great price for most people, so you go. Boy this is some kind of seminar, lots of people there who are singing the praises of this housing deal as well as the development the houses are in! And then there are the real estate agents who are selling these houses. They are so full of enthusiasm and fervor for the housing development and its CEO! They are singing the praises of the company and the CEO, who is the greatest CEO who ever lived! And the company is tied to the greatest salesman in history, who wrote the greatest sales book ever written, which praises his father, the greatest and only true CEO!

This model house is the perfect house, at least on paper! It is maintenance free and there is no yard work unless you want to do it! But there is more! You never have any bills to pay! Ever! Free electricity! Free water! Free air conditioning! Free heat! The weather is always just what you want it to be, and the landscaping is well, heavenly! At least that’s what the sales book says. You never have to worry about food, because the refrigerator is always full of your favorite foods!  And all your favorite entertainment options come with the house, and of course they are all free! As for the neighborhood it is perfect! All the neighbors are either your family or your friends, (Providing they all bought into the exact same housing development you did too.) or people who will instantly become your friends when you meet them! And the best part is it only costs you 10% of your income! Just sign on the dotted line here and swear to follow all the CC&R's forever and it's yours!

 

So you get ready to sign up but you have a few questions first.

"How long do I have to pay 10% of my income for in this deal?"

"For the rest of your life, but its only 10%, you can easily handle that, right?"

"Hmm, aren't there some other deals out there like this?"

"There are some who say they can match this deal, but they are lying! We have the only true paradise subdivision there is, the rest are imposters who say they offer what we do, but they don't really! Don't be fooled by their smooth talking con men. We have the real deal, and they don't!"

"How long have you been selling these houses for?"

"For over two thousand years now, and not one dissatisfied customer yet!"

"Really? Boy that’s a long time. So could I talk to a few of your satisfied customers?"

"I'm afraid that’s not possible, you see once you move in you are not allowed to come back here or talk to anyone here. Its all in the CC&R's sales book, but don't worry, once you are there you wont want to come back anyway, no one ever does, trust me!"

Well, could I look at a few models?

I'm afraid you can't do that, we have none to show you here, but they are just like the drawings you've seen in the sales book.

"Hmm, I'll have to think about that some."

"If you don't act now I'm afraid that you will have to move to the worst neighborhood in town with the worst house and the worst neighbors, and a landlord who is well, the worst landlord to ever have lived. He will make your life a living, well, hell, and you don't want that do you?"

"OK, I don't want that to happen. I'll buy a house in the development, but when can I move in?"

"Well, you don't get to move in until after you die, but it's paradise believe me, so sign here on the dotted line, start paying that 10% and pledge to follow the CC&R's in the sales book forever and pledge your undying obedience to our CEO, and its yours!"

"Really?"

If you tried to sell that house and housing deal you would be arrested for fraud in any nation on earth that has anything remotely related to laws against consumer fraud. But if you change the name of the deal from housing deal to heavenly deal, no one could stop you, and you will make billions and billions of dollars doing it every year. After all the three Abrahamic religions do make billions and billions of dollars every year with this sales pitch for the afterlife, don't they? And they never have to prove that their housing development, heaven, even exists, same with their CEO though they all swear to God it and he does exist.

David M Payne



About the Writer

David M Payne is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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19 comments on What If They Sold Houses Like The True Believers Sell Heaven

Log In To Vote   Score: -4
By D. E. Carson on August 03, 2009 at 11:26 pm

Wow, Dave.  I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.  I'm also sorry that many of the so-called "aspects of the deal" you have written are wrong.  But since you've already made up your mind, it would be fruitless for me to even attempt to point out where you got it wrong.  Besides, Category Five would just love to jump on my back and try to refute me as well.

All I can say about God is:

If you're living like there is no God, you'd better be right.

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By David M Payne on August 04, 2009 at 01:33 pm

Well D.E. Carson this is how I feel about the subject. There is no God, religion is a scam, get over it and have a nice moral life anyway.

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By David M Payne on August 04, 2009 at 01:48 pm

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Also DE your God committed Genocide against the entire human race in the great flood because he was angry at the sins of corruption and murder? There is no proof of a great biblical flood, but there is evidence of a great ice age melt and a flood from that, but not to three cubits above the tallest mountains. Zeus among others had a great flood myth also so the story isn't new. Also I find it amusing that you true believers are offended with the idea that we evolved from apes but have no trouble believing we came from dirt!

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By David M Payne on August 04, 2009 at 02:30 pm

Hey Hurricane I'm an agnostic too, a strong agnostic. I have no faith in the Abrahamic God but I do allow that some superior beings might have created us from apes as a science project perhaps. After all what if we were to meet some aliens that were as advanced over the human race as we are over lab rats? Would they look like Gods to us?

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By Speedbump on August 07, 2009 at 07:49 pm

In the Broowaha film review, Sure To Get Banned From A Mosque Or Two, Bill Maher asks in his documentary How Do You Know? He's not out to disprove religion; he's just out to explore how people can believe something so strongly without fully even understanding it or having any proof. He points out contradictions in religious texts, or asks questions that his subjects should probably know the answers. That they don't know the answers -- and they often don't -- only makes Maher's point for him.

Religulous is at its best when Maher is talking with people willing to talk with him, not at him, which there just wasn't enough of.

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By Just Average Joe on August 09, 2009 at 06:21 pm

LOL

If you tried to sell that house and housing deal you would be arrested for fraud in any nation on earth that has anything remotely related to laws against consumer fraud.

Nope.  Buddy, not so in the good old US of A.  Here locally, the Reno Police Department, Sparks Police Department, Washoe County Sheriff, Washoe County District Attorney, Nevada Attorney General, FBI, Nevada Real Estate Division, Nevada Mortgage Division, and the Washoe, Reno, Sparks judges, most especially Fidel Salcedo and Steve Elliott, lets real estate licenses get away with fraud most of the time.  Scott Bice thankfully is no longer the Nevada Mortgage Division Director.  First met him at his welcome dinner here in Reno.  His shirt was unbuttoned down to his belt.  So I wasn’t too surprised when what a corrupt one he turned out to be when the bribery rumors started circulating for the mortgage fraud about him and Sheila Walther.  Then Mendy Elliott, corrupt Judge Steve Elliott’s wife, took over and she was even worse for corruption, taking bribes and participating in fraud.

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By David M Payne on August 09, 2009 at 07:16 pm

Nope, nice try Average Joe but the point of the WHOLE STORY went sailing over your head. The point remains that fraud is fraud and if you tried to sell houses to people and told them they had to pay them off first and they could only move into them after ther died I do believe it would be prosecuted as fraud. Your analogy fails as it doesn't address what the story said, only what one out of context selected sentence said. Try grasping the whole story next time.

Yes housing fraud happens, but not as I discribed it in the story.

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By Just Average Joe on August 09, 2009 at 07:24 pm

Know you're sick from your I May Have Died In Vietnam, But Don't Bury Me Yet, but what part of Broowaha policy "Please express criticism in courteous, temperate, and constructive terms" went sailing over your head?  Nothing went sailing over my head.  Didn't take anything out of context.  Did grasp the whole story.  I'm a Realtor.  You made housing claims here and I responded.  And did you miss my lol compliment?

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By David M Payne on August 09, 2009 at 07:38 pm

Joe you have to compare apples to apples and you didn't do that. Give me one example of where houses are sold and paid for and the buyer can't move into them until after they die and you will have a point. As for courteous and Constructive you didn't do that you took a sentence out of context and tried to make a phony point. I wasn't talking real real estate I was using an analogy and I still think it sailed over your head or you are a religious person who is trying to do his best to shoot down my point, which you fail to do.

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By David M Payne on August 12, 2009 at 05:22 pm

As My comments have been censored this will be my last contribution to this paper.

David M Payne

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By David M Payne on August 12, 2009 at 10:21 pm

My comments have been removed by someone that is not me, so to me that is censorship, this is my last post.

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By Marian Levy on August 13, 2009 at 07:54 pm

My comments have been removed

Not true.  David M. Payne's comments are still here.  I just read them.  I voted negative on them as they came across surly to me and failed to express criticism in courteous, temperate, and constructive terms.

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By David M Payne on August 13, 2009 at 08:12 pm

I can't read them so my previous statement stands.

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By Marian Levy on August 13, 2009 at 08:18 pm

I can't read them

Ok, you can't or won't read them.  That doesn't mean they have been censured, removed or are no longer there.  show comment

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By David M Payne on August 13, 2009 at 08:22 pm

OK now I can see them so this will not be my last post, but probably my last article as I'm a guy who is a bit polarizing in my views.

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By Marian Levy on August 13, 2009 at 08:26 pm

I'm a guy who is a bit polarizing in my views

lol heh heh lol You're a lite weight compared to some I read here.

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By David M Payne on August 14, 2009 at 02:00 pm

lol heh heh lol You're a lite weight compared to some I read here.

Post my full name in yahoo's search engine and see how light weight I am. Also I've been published and have posted much more indepth articles on the Reno Gazette journal and have one post that has over 20 thousand reads on one of my articles in the old forum. Two otheres have over 10 thousand reads. 

In the new forum my post on the God/religion biz had over 16 hundres replies, not so light weight Marian.

And you just violated the rules around here.

Do me a favor editord, remove my articles please, I no longer want to be a part of this magazine/paper.

David M Payne

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