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Women And Self Esteem

by 310Christine (writer), Los Angeles, July 14, 2009

Women can be pretty catty towards one another. I can't help but wonder why no one really addresses the root of this issue. It's almost like this behavior is completely accepted by society.

As a workaholic, I am constantly in the frame of mind of getting things done and making things work. I really strive to do what is best for my own inner growth and do right by other people. I am not religious or anything. But I really make an effort to treat other people the way I want to be treated.

But being as cerebral as I tend to be I wonder if I've somehow become emotionally detached or just unable to relate to the majority of other women. Because I have gotten to the point where I have to analyze them like a different species or something.

I want to address the issue of female cattiness. Because it really bothers me. It bothers me because I don't project my issues on others. I really don't. And I make a sincere effort to appreciate and acknowlege people. So I really hate when I am the target of cattiness. I also hate seeing other women act catty to one another.

It happens everywhere. In offices, or just walking down the street. It can feel like the evil eye or just a hostile vibe.  Or it can manifest as sheer and overt backstabbing. They feel no shame for their feelings and actions, and the cycle continues because as a society, we allow it. We'll scorn a lot of things and judge an aweful lot of celebrities. But the scorn and judgement is almost rarely directed at jealous, immature people.

Sometimes I wonder why cattiness perpetuates.  Is there some kind of unwritten code that says that women should not try to be their personal best because they'll make their friends insecure? It almost seems that way sometimes. So instead of relating to each another by encouraging the best in others,  there is a stronger tendency to bond by bitching and fixating on other people.

I really wish that women can use their inherent sense of nurturing to appreciate and encourage one another to build strength and realize their own inner potential If this sounds corny to you, its because our reality is so far from this ideal. And the most logical thing to ask, is why?

In psychology there is a principle that says that you can only like other people to the exact extent that you like yourself.  So if you see someone and feel some sort of resentment for no apparent reason, the problem is not them. It's your issue. The resentment that you feel is a red flag from your subconscious that there is something that you do not like about yourself. So when this feeling emerges and you decide to continue projecting negativity towards other people, you will not grow.

Who cares? Well the thought of living forever stuck on an emotional level is kind of sad.  So maybe we should give a damn.We are all here to truly become all that we are. And the thought of leaving this planet without truly actualizing is a bit sad to say the least. We can never actualize if we live our lives disowning parts of us that we don't like, and worse yet, making other people suffer as a result. This goes for men too, by the way.

Another reason we should care is because having low self esteem and boiling pot of unresolved issues will only hurt our kids when we become parents.

Taking out your stuff, perhaps in the form of immature jealousy and sabotaging behavior is degrading to your soul.  I've seen all kinds of instances, including ones where the catty perpetrator copied the target female.  Back biting one minute. But copying her the next, instead of aligning with her own sense of worth and conviction. Degrading to say the least.

There are a lot of selfish people in the world, who are not as good as their seemingly flawless appearance may impart. This is what best selling author, Scott Peck discusses in his book, People of the Lie.

But from a compassionate perspective, the reason that selfishness and immature emotional manifestations are fairly prevalent is because of the deep seated belief that there is not enough to go around. I am not just speaking about money and material items. But intangible things like love, acceptance and recognition are felt to be scarce. Women who overemphasize how they appear to others believe that they are not enough. They feel that they have to constantly strive to be accepted and adored  by other people, instead of honoring who they are. People who sabotage others feel that there is not enough. Or they feel like they are not good enough to manifest what they want, so they have to take.

It's kind of hard developing impeccable self esteem in a vacuum. It is natural to want support from others. So on a final note we should make it a point to try and see the good in others as much as we can. In turn, it's always a good thing to master the art of self reflection so that we can honestly see ourselves in a truly positive light, whether or not we get approval from others. Not always an easy feat, but worth the effort in the journey of our lives.



About the Writer

310Christine is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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6 comments on Women And Self Esteem

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By Kim on July 14, 2009 at 11:38 am

Bravo!  Christine - This is a GREAT article! Thanks for sharing so candidly. Aswomen it would benefit everyone greatly to move outside the box of catty and pretentious behavior towards each other. Looking towards a larger scope of caring for each other, supporting each other, in a selfishless fashion and being a strength to others. It'll will surely come back to benefit and enlarge our personal lives. Thanks for sharing this article and your insight!

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By Credo on July 14, 2009 at 09:16 pm

In my opinion this is a very important article that should be of interest to everyone in society, because it (the ideology that you present) demonstrates the future course of our civilization. Displaying by social behaviors and interaction acceptance the break down of any possible moral intellectual society. When men and women have fallen to the level of emotionalism as their primary social mental attitudes then it could only follow that the sustenance of our future (our children) will grow from that emotional root, producing  intense social reactions, esteem issues and child like adults.

I appreciate your awareness, candor, and your honesty concerning this reality, as you know most people will not want such gender (flaws about men or women) knowledge to be exposed.

 Great information

Credo

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By Alethea on July 14, 2009 at 11:32 pm

I feel your pain Christine

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By cristogianni on July 17, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Christine, I believe you did an excellent job of putting into words what many women feel, yet fail to successfully articulate themselves. I've noticed this "cattiness" myself, but from a man's perspective. And, actually, sometimes we men put each other through that kind of scrutiny. Not nearly as much as women (in every public setting imagineable) but most often in gymnasiums. Sometimes the jealousy projected by other men in gyms borders on open hostility. So I do know what you mean when you say: It can feel like the evil eye or just a hostile vibe. That's why I always have my cornicello on hand whenever I exit my front door. Great article!

Cristo

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By BusinessLife on December 09, 2010 at 08:30 pm

I would love to see more articles on this subject. This is a wonder...wonder why it happens and why there isn't a way to understand the level of insecurity women have living life with other women. Bravo and please offer an encore!

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By happysunshineom on September 11, 2011 at 10:52 am

**Standing up clapping** Thank you for this article!! This answered a lot for me. Wonderful that you came to this realization yourself. It helps to bring such topics to light. That way people can see the hurtfulful behavior and do something to protect themselves, better themselves, and become aware of such behavior in other people. I never could understand why women acted this way either. I too have been a target throughout the years. My reaction has been to ignore it. It tested my patience. I often wondered if I should retaliate. But I felt this would only be stooping to their level. We can't let such negativity perpetuate. I concentrate on keeping myself strong so that hopefully people who act like this will cower away and stop such nonsense. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

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