Saturday, January 19, 2019

Dolphins: A Hidden Evil


There's no question that popular culture depicts dolphins as symbols of tranquility and peace. They are considered by some to be benign and all knowing; the very embodiment of wisdom.

You will often see illustrations of jolly Cetaceans jumping heroically out of the ocean waters with lasers and rainbows shooting out everywhere. Perhaps a gnome or a magical elf with a mustache is riding on its back. There are even nautical folk tales of dolphins protecting sailors and bringing them to the shores when stranded.

It is because of these common memes that people are unaware of the dark side of dolphin sociology. We ignore that these creatures practice murder and rape openly without social consequence. This is problematic to me because dolphins are considered to be the most emotionally intelligent and intellectually apt creatures on the planet, second to humans. Though an important minority goes so far as to elude that Cetacean intelligence may even be equal to or greater than our own. Given this information, let us look upon two facts that may present a moral dilemma as quoted from Wikipedia:

"Male Bottlenose Dolphins are even known to molest [rape] dolphins of different species."

"Male dolphins have been known to engage in infanticide. Dolphins will also kill porpoises for reasons which are not fully understood, as porpoises generally do not share the same fish diet as dolphins and are therefore not competitors for food supplies."

Rape. Murder. Intellect. We as humans hold ourselves accountable for immoral actions because, by our own standards, are considered a species of mammal capable of self awareness (i.e.: the capability to think about thinking). The foundations of social civility seem mortared in this concept and all who lambaste it are quickly disregarded by the majority as heathens of the moral method.

So it should be taken into consideration that many studies conducted recently support the theory that dolphins are not only self-aware (results gauged from the "mirror test" and later the "video test") , but also capable of complex linguistic tools to identify and isolate individuals in a social climate. These identifying communications are ubiquitous among individuals in a pod, or familial clique -- a behavior previously thought unique to humans and not documented even among the great apes, our hairy ancestors.

So all this brings me 'round to my point: I hate dolphins. I don't trust them, I don't think they're cute and I suspect they're trying to take over the world. Take into consideration the recent news story where a dolphin jumped into a boat, flopping about onto a woman and then jumping back into the water. They're already testing our resolve in their territory -- and it's not looking good.

Dear reader, I write this article to you as a friendly warning. There is a separate lore about dolphins than what it normally considered true. You have to search deep for it, because the information is dutifully repressed. These stories about Cetacean life will reflect such poignant tragedies as "A West Side Story" and "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer".

So be wary. Once you've been enlightened to the dolphin agenda, there's no going back. They can sense your awareness to their plans and will no longer pretend nice around you. You may never be allowed into the ocean again.

... And when the revolution comes. You'll be the first up against the wall.

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Umbrae is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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6 comments on Dolphins: A Hidden Evil

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By Ariel on December 29, 2006 at 12:12 pm
For more info about the dolphin jumping into the boat: The woman is in critical, though stable, condition
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By Steven Lane on December 29, 2006 at 01:24 pm
No more "dolphin" free cans of tuna for me!
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By E Jo on January 16, 2007 at 04:51 am
I love how you write! I know and understand the 'evil' side of dolphin behavior. I think people sometimes forget that they are wild animals and need to be treated as such (swim with captive dolphins at Sea World)... However, I happened to swim with Atlantic Spotted wild dolphins off of Florida/Bahamas with a completely hands off scientific research trip. I found myself in the middle of the ocean with a pod containing a mother and baby. I will never forget the mother swimming circles around me without taking her eyes off of me for a second. For that instant, I was terrified and amazed. She suddenly took off and left me with her baby to play and interact! The baby was making a lot of noise zipping all over the place in play. Sometimes picking up a piece of seaweed and dropping it in front of me initiating a game. Finally, the baby got called back by its mother and it took off in a flash. I know they can be dangerous, any wild animal can be. But this was truly a friendly encounter with a totally wild and free creature. But just in case, I will be ready for the revolution.
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By Felicia Stevenson on November 03, 2011 at 09:04 pm

LOL! This article had me cracking up the entire time I was reading!!! Great, great article. Rape. Murder. LOL! I wonder if the molested dolphins are then traumatized! LOL You know, by this theory, I think cats would have to be considered evil as well... it sure never sounds like the female's happy when they mate!!! Anyway, I'll take my chances, I still dream of swimming with them. ;)

To E. Jo, that sounds like a wonderful experience. I can almsot hear the mom and her baby talking to each other:

"Mama, can I go play with the nice man? Please please mama? Can I?! Can I?!"

"I don't know..."

Which is when she started circling you, deciding whether you were a threat or not.

"Well ok, but 5 minutes!"

"Yay!!! OK, mama thank you!!!"


To that effect, maybe purpoises have attitudes, or they taunt the dolphins... LOL

Again, really entertaining article!

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By fucked up illuminati on October 04, 2012 at 05:13 am

why is dolphin evil?you stupid bitch. wuuu~~you stupid bitch,ohhh~~~~you stupid bitch,yeahhhhh you stupid bitch.get a fucking brain,a mother fucking brain will do

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By fucked up illuminati on October 04, 2012 at 05:17 am

do you have ideas how close each earth species are closly related,if you kill all dolphins,you fucking will die too,because the food chain is STFU all animals and humans live in this planet and try to make it as functionable as possible,so STFU ass holes~?

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