Monday, October 15, 2018

Dancing With The Stars Season Eight Announced

by D. E. Carson (writer), , February 09, 2009

It seems the ballroom-based extravaganza may have finally jumped the shark.

Face it, this sort of thing happens to almost every television series we've ever loved.  It's called "jumping the shark".

Jumping the Shark is a term that harkens back to the famous episode of Happy Days where Fonzie literally rides his motorcycle in a stunt involving him jumping over a shark tank.  From that point on, the series basically went down hill.  The episode was so devastating to Happy Days that its plot became synonymous with that point in a TV series' life when it is gasping its last breath to stay on the air so it features something that is supposed to make everyone watch again yet fails so miserably that the series usually goes away quietly.

If you're a fan of Dancing with the Stars, Season Eight appears to be setting up the ramp and scouting for a good used Harley...

Hoping to pull some viewers from The Grammys, ABC announced the new line up last night during its prime time line up Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters – though nothing can really save ABCs 8:00 and 10:00 timeslots.  The new stars are as follows:

Denise Richards - former hottie actress and Bond girl to Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond turned reality-show bimbo.  Charlie Sheen's ex-wife looks like she's desperate for work since her reality show became far too Complicated for viewers to follow.

Jewel Kilcher - What's her genre now?  She was a pop singer, then she was cast as a judge on Nashville Star -- a country version of American Idol.  I think she even released a country album trying to find herself again.  Looks like the only one looking for her was the next person on our list...

Ty Murray - Yes, the rodeo star who captured Jewel's heart, then they broke up, then they were back together again now they're married???  Murray currently holds the record at seven All-Around World Championship rodeo titles.  He also has two bull riding world titles.  Let's see what he can do without so much beef between his legs...

David Alan Grier - Honestly.  Do I have to say anything here???

Lawrence Taylor - regarded as the greatest defensive player in the history of the NFL.  The Hall of Famer played his entire career with the New York Giants and has two Super Bowl rings to boot.  Don't knock it, folks, if you've watched, every time there is a football player on Dancing, he tends to fare better than he's given credit for.

Nancy O'Dell - at 42 and with a 19-month old daughter, she's the hottest TV host in the business.  Sorry Samantha Harris, we're just not that in to you...

Stephen Glover - Every season has to have its jackass (remember Lance Bass from last season?)  Well, this time, it's for real.  Steve-O from Jackass, tattoos and all, is going to see if he can do something without injuring himself or anyone else or just coming off as a genuine moron.  Is anyone else having flashbacks of Adam Carolla?

Belinda Carlisle - I wrote this joke when I saw her name listed.  Does this now make her a "Go-Go Dancer?"  Sorry.  I had to go there.  It's in my nature and you knew that someone was going to say it.  Besides, she's this season's oldest woman but no one can agree as to how old she really is -- some sources list her at 50, others at 58 and one interchanges both in the same article.  Regardless, she still looks pretty good.

Kimberly Denise Jones - You know her as raunchy rapper Lil' Kim.  Hopefully she can keep it clean – after all this is prime time you know and it’s supposed to be a family show...

Chuck Wicks - another country singer.  He's better looking than the last one they had on -- you know ol' what's his name? Uh, Miley's dad – that achey-breaky guy...

Shawn Johnson - fresh off her Gold Medal winning appearance at the Beijing Olympic games and at seventeen she's the youngest contender so far.  I'd like to see her win just because she hasn't been jaded by Hollywood and still seems to have her down-to-earth personality in tact.

Gilles Marini - If you saw the movie Sex and the City, you remember this guy what Carrie Bradshaw's neighbor.  Another actor looking for work I guess.

And finally, the one cast member that made me fall off my chair laughing and the whole reason for the "jump the shark" award...

Steve Wozniak - Co-founder of the Apple Computer Corporation.  Also known as "The Woz" he's the season's oldest competitor.  Conjures up memories of Penn Gillette -- big guy whose talent isn't in his feet.  Note to Woz: No Segway allowed.

So there you have it.  Season Eight of Dancing with the Stars is set to premier March 9 on ABC still hosted by Tom Bergeron and (unfortunately) Samantha Harris.  Check your local listings for the time because the way television is so screwed up these days; it may not air until 2:47 in the morning.

 Now somebody get Henry Winkler on the phone -- they're looking for someone to drive the motorcycle...

About the Writer

D. E. Carson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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6 comments on Dancing With The Stars Season Eight Announced

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By Ellie M on February 09, 2009 at 02:56 pm

WOZer, really?  The wozer is what happens to you after you've shark jumped and are now laying broken and bleeding from all parts of your body. 

Thank you for the heads up and saving me valuable space on my tivo. 

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By Ellie M on February 09, 2009 at 10:31 pm

DE did I mention that I like the article?  Because I do especially the part about the Go Go Dancer :)  Funny stuff!

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By D. E. Carson on February 09, 2009 at 10:51 pm

Glad y'all liked it.  Sometimes comedy really does write itself...

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By AmyO on February 10, 2009 at 02:38 pm

Lil Kim?? Seriously?? I thought Denise Richards was surprising enough... Do you remember when they had Drew Lachey fill in for Samantha Harris because she was on maternity leave and then she came back after like 3 weeks cuz everyone like Drew so much she thought she would lose her job... They should have kept him! Not like it would make me watch, but still.

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By D. E. Carson on February 10, 2009 at 09:11 pm

Yes, I do remember when Drew Lachey filled in for Samantha (no talent) Harris.  I also remember how much more fun the Green Room conversations were with him.  Why do you think I made the comment about Nancy O'Dell being the hottest TV host?

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By AmyO on March 12, 2009 at 02:43 pm

I hate to admit this, but I actually watched on Monday... Its hard to look away from a trainwreck! Even though you know you should

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