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Monday, October 23, 2017

Saddlebacking: Do It For Jesus!

by john robertson (writer), Minneapolis, MN, February 03, 2009

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Whereas most individuals are familiar with the term "barebacking", only a select, special few are familiar with the new word for an old activity, known as "saddlebacking".

Whereas most individuals are familiar with the term "barebacking", only a select, special few are familiar with the new word for an old activity, known as "saddlebacking".

What pray tell is it?

Well, "saddlebacking" is the phenomenon of pimple faced Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to protect their virginities. (http://www.sadlebackin...) For example: After attending the Celibacy Ball, at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church, Shirley and Stan saddlebacked like rabbits to protect their virginity.

"Hmm," you may be thinking. "This is just a fancy way of saying sodomy. In what way does this differ from the good old fashioned anal sex me and my cohort practice on drunken Friday nights?"

Saddlebacking is different from good old fashioned anal sex because it adds one new layer to the practice: a false sense of self righteousness! Although both activities involve one partner riding another partner's rump; in this case both partners have been "saddled" with religious hang-ups and unhealthy attitudes about sex and sexuality, as well as a self delusional perception of what sex is.

In which way is this just more of the same old same old?

Well, obfuscation is nothing new to Neo Conservative Christians worlwide, and especially not to the fine, fresh Christian youth of America. For example, did you know that it is a common practice for the students of Brigham Young University to cross the border into Nevada on Friday nights, go to the drive through wedding chapel, rent a room and screw all weekend? Yes, they do. Of course, they get their marriages annuled within 48 hours and they go back to Utah without having violated any biblical commandments. In essence, they have not commited pre-marital sex.

I think they call this "A Mormon Honeymoon." Now you know why it costs less than a regular wedding on the drive-thru menu.

Tonight my partner and I may just do something similar to saddlebacking, but without the hypocricy. Although, I have been known to call out to God now and again during the money shot.

Thanks, Rick Warren. Now go "bless off", fella!



About the Writer

john robertson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on Saddlebacking: Do It For Jesus!

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By jamiebarefeet on February 03, 2009 at 01:38 pm

This has to be the greatest thing i've ever heard...or at least in a while. I think I'll get hitched in Nevada this weekend with some random guy and "saddleback like rabbits." That way my parents can't say anything...Let's just hope he doesn't have any STD's! Anal itching is a little hard to do inconspicuously. ;-)

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By john robertson on February 03, 2009 at 10:00 pm

Hi Craig,

My friend who attended Brigham Young in the late eighties is the one who told me about this weekend excursion. Perhaps the laws changed since then, or maybe he blew smoke up my ass.

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By john robertson on February 03, 2009 at 10:35 pm

It looks like you can still get married without any waiting period up until midnight, Monday through Saturday and most holidays. However, if you want the marriage annuled it may take anywhere from one week to two weeks for the paper work to be finalized.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/marriagelicenses/p/nevada.htm

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