Well, well, well... Where to begin? The infamous Mr. Starr goes to Washington one more time, and just like before, he has his panties all in a wad over somebody else getting a blow job.
Let's take a brief stroll down memory lane and review how we got here from there, shall we?
In the ninties, in an effort to cripple, (if not outright demolish) a widly beloved and historically successful President- the defensive Republicans hired Kenneth Starr to be their gun. The goal: to break down the President's reputation and clout by finding him guilty of all sorts of atrocities; White Water, murder, sexual harrassment... pull it out of your butt, throw it at the wall, and whatever sticks, groovy! The end result? Bill Clinton likes oral sex.
Yes, my fellow Americans, after three and a half years of grueling investigations and millions of tax payer dollars, Kenneth Starr produced a novel about the president's penis size, his penis width, the shape of his penis, his favorite erotic poems, his taste in unclassically beautiful women, and other private details of the utmost public relevence. Nevermind the fact that America is based on the idealogy that privacy is an essential ingredient to human civilization; Clinton got head (presumably Kenneth didn't) and there would be hell to pay! Of course, anyone and everyone by now knows how well that little impeachment Ponzi scheme played out for good ol' Prosecutor Starr. FAILURE!
In short; getting head is an inalienable human right in our country, just like sodomy, and we sure as hell may have embarrassed our late, great president (and ourselves) with all of this sexual voyuerism but we sure as hell weren't going to impeach the first, last and only Surplus President of the last 28 years over it.
Now, a whole decade later, after a FAILED nomination for U.S. Supreme Court, and after a FAILED nomination to lead the Dept. of Justice, and after a last minute lack of nerve (FAILURE) to run for Senator (that's yet three more collosal failures, folks)- we find ourselves once again witness to Mr. Starr desperately seeking status through his perverse "oral fixation". Who are the unfortunate targets this time around? Cock-sucking, twat-licking, rod-rimming, slit- sloshing gay people.
That's right, folks. In case you haven't heard, the Mormons (look them up on Yelp too) have hired Mr. Starr to not only argue before the supreme court that proposition 8 should not be over turned, but to take it one step further and "divorce by force" every and all gay marriages performed prior to gay marriage being illegal. Nevermind the fact that it's unconstitutional to retroactively punish citizens for actions which were not illegal at the time they were acted out: we need to change that law and the constitution, because by golly Mr. Starr has a lot to prove after failing at everything important he's ever aspired to, and more importantly; men and women everywhere are sucking, licking and slurping and they must be stopped!
Today Mr. Starr does not work for Washington, or the Republicans, or anyone worth mentioning . (Are the Republicans still relevant?) Now he is an instructor at the Christian College of Law at Pepperdine. I guess he teaches students how to chip away at privacy rights, equality, and decency all in the name of Jesus.
Not that being passionatly obsessed with oral sex is all bad. I am too, Kenneth. I don't find you attractive, but if it will cure what ails you, I will close my eyes, go to a happy place, and suck away: ONLY IF it will serve my fellow countrymen. In the name of decency, somebody needs to stop the insanity.
And YOU, dear readers; if you too are willing to serve the greater good of our country, and are willing to "blow a bear", please call or write Mr. Starr at: 24255 Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA 90263 (310) 506-4631.
You never know. He may take you up on the offer.
God bless America!