Monday, August 20, 2018

That's right, everything is free, just come and get it!

by Steven Lane (writer), Simi valley, Ca and Austin, Tx., November 26, 2006


I had this amazing thought one day. It just came to me out of the blue. "Hey", I said to myself, "I'll bet there is a ton of free shit available out there on the internet." Wealth just waiting for the miners pick, huge golden nuggets shimmering under 3 inches of water, a virtual pirates treasure just waiting for someone to claim it.
I couldn't wait to begin the adventure. With sweating palms, I Googled "FREE", and instantly the mother lode of all freebies was laid open before my eyes. Over two billion separate sites. In which, each would promise... no, wait... would guarantee... that all the riches of my dreams could be found and delivered to my person at absolutely no cost to me. Wow!
My fingers began to tremble as I started to click on the first site...the most popular site... the "numero uno" of the free Google sites. When suddenly, I had this immense "moment of clarity" sweep over and though my body like an undulating wave. Something inside me screamed "noooooooooooooo!! Don't use your personal e-mail account!".
My hand dropped to my side like it had been stuck on a stove top. My mind raced ahead, examining the potential consequences of my greed unloosed. Somewhere in the dark unlit halls of my sensibility, a wee crack of light shined through and I thought, "Well, gee, if I register on even one free site, those sneaky little fellers might sell my email addy!".
So, not to be undone at the very start of this obviously lucrative endeavor, I easily connived a way to in which I could outwit those that would try to take advantage of me as my quest began.
Ah Ha!, I would create a whole new me, a me that could "control" the forces of any evil freebies. And like Frankenstein's monster, a new email, *******, was born. My conduit to the land of the "free" was opened in a flash of a keyboard strike, and I stood on the highest mountain and looked down upon the endless opportunities.
Now about 6 months later, I have gotten some free sticky notes, some mental health handouts and some address labels from the Salvation Army. The new email site gets approximately 10,000 to 12,000 spam E-mails a month. Brilliant right?

"Greed is a fat demon with a small mouth and whatever you feed it is never enough." (Janwillem Van De Wetering)

About the Writer

Steven Lane is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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