“I’m not upset that you lied to me; I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”  That was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s view of bullies.  We human beings are astoundingly quarrelsome creatures.  We are far more prone to conflict than resolution.  The fact that we are ever able to settle any of our differences is a tribute to how deftly we actually can handle conflict.  The fact of how little we do settle is proof of how far we still have to go.  A good start is to be, and be around, a good guy. 

For the bad guys, they are not as smart as they think they are though.  Their contradictions are what trips them up.  New York State Supreme Court Justice Joseph D. McGuire said, “People tend to retain a good or bad character in all areas if life.  For example, if someone cheats on the golf course, I’d assume that he or she will cheat in other areas of life also.  If a person was underhanded in business, I’d assume that his or her personal relationships were also filled with hypocrisy.  Those who cheat at little things will probably cheat at big things also.  Good guys don’t have shades of truth.” 

The moderation of good guys is complex.  The extremism of bad guys is simple.  Good guys’ propensity to bargain is complex.  When reconciliation between good guys is crafted, which demands complexity, deals get struck.  When reconciliation isn’t, bad guys rule, and conflict continues.  Bad guys too often cast aside another’s point of view for the simplicity of extremism.  That choice for extremism happens because extremes makes things more comprehensible by reducing something to the lowest common denominator and, creates the illusion that things can also be made more controllable. 

When it comes to sorting the good guys from the bad guys, prudence rules with trust-based decisions due to the vulnerability we’re putting out by trusting.  Shakespeare wrote, “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”  A trusted relationship is the foundation.  Yet, trust is at an all time low.   Researchers Spector and Jones confirmed that in the work place.  When trust is broken at work, the implications immediately ripple through employees, partners, customers, vendors, shareholders, the cleaning-crew, and clients.  The ripples of damage then spread into personal lives and the public community.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, the result is “Our distrust is very expensive.” 

So why is there a perception that there are less and less good guys? 

Linda Stroh’s characteristics of good guys are: 

1.                  A history that demonstrates good values so likely to respond in a healthy way when things go wrong.  “I never allow myself to forget that people can sometimes change when placed in situations that challenge them beyond their mental and emotional capabilities,” says Eric Hornbeck, Production Manager, Pinnacle Foods. 

2.                  Admits, and learns, from mistakes.  Why?  Because according to Cynthia Dickens, Regional HR, US Fresh, Sara Lee Corporation, “They were brave enough to tell the truth in a difficult situation.  I’ve seen many relationships explode, not because someone made a mistake, but because someone lied to cover up their mistake.” 

3.                  Treats everyone the same, regardless of hierarchy.  Looks out for others even when their own interests are at stake.  “When someone can set aside his or her own needs and feelings and take into account the other person’s needs and interests when making decisions, that person is trustworthy,” described Dr. Anna Lieblich, Clinical Faculty, The Family Institute at Northwester University. 

4.                  Demonstrates consistent good behaviors.  “I learn the most when the individual does not know they are being monitored,” describes Paul Kasper, Principal, American Securities Capital Partners. 

5.                  Always negotiates in good faith.  Always tries to do the right thing.  “There is a congruence between what they talk about and how they behave,” says Louisa Levy, Nurse Educator, Lake Forest Health & Fitness Institute. 

6.                  Admits when they don’t know something.  “I’m not upset that you lied to me; I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you,” Friedrich Nietzsche.  Richard H. Lenny, Chairman and CEO, Hershey Company said that “(To be lied to is) a relationship altering perspective.” 

7.                  Genuinely considers others, can see others point of view.  A self-awareness that demonstrates knowledge of how his or her behavior affects others.  Why? Because according to Gary Brown, Goodyear Tire and Rubber Company, “Good guys can put themselves in others’ shoes, or can see themselves in situations others may be in and are then able to understand why others react or act the way they do.  Compassion is what separates good guys from bad guys.” 

8.                  Helps us to be a better person.  Good guys are not wimps.  “I trust someone that won’t be a partner to my bad judgements,” described Patricia Schaeffer, Founding Principal, Talent Strategy. 

9.                  Someone you would willingly and proudly introduce to family and friends. “If you can’t serve as a good example, then you’ll have to serve as a horrible warning,” Anonymous. 

10.              Holds themselves to he same standards they do others.  “Someone who is honest with himself is more likely to be honest with me,” says Mary Honecker. 

11.              Does not abandon but rather sticks by others in bad and tough times.  ConAgra Foods Grocery Group president and COO Ray DeRiggi remarked, “The good guys are there to help no matter what the circumstances.  They don’t run away from problems, they work through them, and are not friends only when it is convenient or easy to do so.” 

12.              Speaks the same of people whether in their presence or not.  “(it’s) how a person treats other people and how they talk to them face-to-face and how they talk about them when they are not present.” describes Dr. Fran Daly, Director Costin Institute, Midwestern University. 

13.              Shares resources such as time, space, knowledge, connections, money, and friends.  In Ed’s article "The Return Phone Call: When Did It Die?," he wrote about RRRRR.  According to Under Armour’s Marketing Operations Director, Kimberly Evans, “If someone is sincere and trustworthy, they’ll follow through on promises – to return a call, to keep a date – deadlines, etc., without excuses or, in the worst case, total disregard.” 

The more negative characteristics a person has, the more we should steer way clear of them.  However, what about when trust is shattered?  Forgiveness is complex.  Revenge is simple.  What does the good guy do?  American President John F. Kennedy said “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”  Forgiveness, revenge and reconciliation are common threads in all media.  Mahatma Gandhi believed “The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” 

Sources:  “Workplace Upheavals Seems to Be Eroding Employee’s Trust,” The Wall Street Journal June 21, 2000; http://wanderling.tripod.com/wise.html; Foundations of the Metaphysics of Morals, Immanuel Kant; Applying Aristotle’s Wisdom to Finding Meaning and Happiness, James O’Toole; Trust Rules, Linda Stroh; Forgiveness and Reconciliation, Raymond G. Helmick and Rodney L. Petersen.

Graphic from Deric Bownds' MindBlog.