Over the past year or so I have noticed a significant shift in the way men and women are in personal relationships. It appears as though the men have become the female in the relationship. The men that my friends and I have met and developed personal relationships with over the past year or so have become the antithesis of what they were 10 years ago.
For example, last year St. Patick’s Day, my friends and I went out to the bars to celebrate the holiday. We happened to meet a few guys and ended up hanging out with them for the rest of the evening. One of my friends ended up going home with one of the guys we met. It was going to be a one-night stand. No big deal until the following conversation transpired. Just before the “act” was going to happen, the guy informed my friend that he didn’t want to be just a one night stand and that he wanted her to respect him in the morning. Huh? What guy would EVER say that? This is the same guy that 10 years ago probably hooked up with some girl that said the exact same thing to him. His reaction was probably that he was so turned off by that comment that he would have joked around with his buddies the next day. Since when do guys care whether a woman respects them in the morning? Since when do guys not want a one night stand?
It boggles the mind that men say they say they want an independent women, they want the woman to take initiatives and make the plans, they want the woman to make the big bucks and they claim they want women who actually communicates with them but when push comes to shove, is this what they really want? If a women doesn’t agree with what a man is saying or expects him to answers to her questions (after being repeatedly told that when she doesn’t answer his questions, she is being “typical”), this woman is being pushy or aggressive. Why is it ok for a man to give a woman a hard time but when a woman calls a man out on his lack of reciprocation, she is pushy and a turn off? Men say they don’t want to play games but this clearly isn’t the truth. They want to be able to dominate the relationship, the conversations, and whatever else in the relationship, and still expect the woman to just go along with it. And yet, men have become the clingy and needy ones in the relationship. They are the ones that need to see and talk to the woman every day. It is now the single female who wants to go to the gym or out for drinks with her friends after work without having to explain herself to a guy or get grief from the guy because she is out with her friends.
I have a friend whose boyfriend told her that he wouldn’t marry her until she had $100k saved up. Oh and this money is so he can start his own business. Excuse me? My friend is earning her own money and can do whatever the heck she wants with it, but if she wants to marry him, she needs to have a dowry? What is he contributing to the relationship?
I know another guy who expects the woman to pay her own way every time they go out, or if he pays, he makes a huge deal about the fact that he paid and before she can even say thank you, he tells her to thank him. I would say a majority of my friends don’t mind taking turns paying the bill on a date but when the guy expects it, this is where the problem begins. We all work hard for our money and we all choose how we spend it. And guess what, women are still NOT being paid for equal work. If a guy asks a woman out, he should plan to pay and similarily, if a woman asks a guy out she should pay. These are the dating rules of the 21st Century.
On another note, I live in NYC and take public transportation daily. In my recent observations, if there is an elderly person or a pregnant woman who would like to sit down, guess who it is that gives up their seat for this person? Is it the 20 year old man who could probably stand for a couple of stops without getting tired? No. Is it the married man who has a wife who was probably pregnant at some point in time? No. It is the 30-something year old woman who relinquishes her seat for someone who needs it more than her. In fact, I have even witnessed a situation where there was a man and woman with a child who were monopolizing a whole section on the subway car. A woman in her late 20’s politely asked if she could sit down since clearly there was enough room. Do you know what this “man” said? No. Flat out NO. I thought to myself that his response was extremely rude. There was PLENTY of room for him to move himself over to make room for a fellow commuter. Trust me when I say this is the same person that if the situation was reversed, he would have been talking so loudly so that everyone on the train could hear the injustice that had been inflicted upon him.
So in essence, men want the woman to be the man but in reality what they really want is for the woman to still be the second class citizen bowing to their wishes but take on all of the financial burden and decision making.