I happened to be in a place where I could pick up a McCain/Palin yard sign today and I hadn’t gotten ten feet from where I obtained my sign (legally I might add – I’m not into snagging someone else’s yard sign unless it happens to be really cold and I need something to use to start a fire in my fireplace and then I’ll steal as many Obama signs as I can get my hands on – but that’s another story and I’m only teasing anyway) when this troll approached me pointing at my new acquisition. The troll was approximately 4 feet 5 inches tall, lying down and she approached me in a single pile.
“Jus’ what the f**k you doin’ wit dat? You some kinda racist or somethin’?” the troll roared at me.
“I beg your pardon, sir...”
“SIR! I am a proud, Obama supportin’ Afro-American woman, boy an’ you better git rid o’ that sign ifn you know what’s good for ya.”
I began looking around for signs of law enforcement. But as usual, there were none to be found. Apparently a new Dunkin’ Donuts had opened somewhere nearby causing all members of the local constabulary to be engaged in supporting their local baker.
I calmly relied to my assailant, “Are you threatening me? Because last time I checked, I have the right to openly support any candidate of my choosing.”
“Ifn you supportin’ McCain, you a racist.”
“How am I a racist?”
“You a racist ‘cause you won’t vote for no black man.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. I’m a racist if I don’t vote for Obama.”
“Yeah, you best be rethinkin’ who you gonna vote for.”
“Since you seem to be an intelligent individual,” I knew I was lying, but I didn’t care at this point, “Can you tell me what racism means?”
“Racism when oppressive white men vote for other repressive white men an’ don’t let no black man get nuthin’. You want to vote for an oppressive white man, so that make you oppressive too.”
“Okay,” I replied. “Would you agree that racism is when someone of one race steps on the rights of someone from another race?
“Then isn’t what you’re doing stepping on my right to free speech and thus a form of racism?” Hoping this would halt any further assault by this woman who clearly hadn’t been introduced to the working end of a toothbrush since 1974.
“No. It’s different. You a white man and you ain’t votin’ for a black man, just cause he black.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You votin’ for McCain ain’tcha?” The troll took a step toward me.
“Most likely, but that’s only because I know McCain better than I know Obama. McCain’s been in the Senate for 26 years. Obama’s been in the Senate a whopping 147 days which doesn’t count those he’s been gone campaigning for president. What I do know about Obama, which isn’t much because the liberal free press hasn’t done its job investigating Obama like it needs to do, is that Obama sought the advice and counsel of a known domestic terrorist when he got into politics in the first place. He sat in the pew of a church for 20 years of a man who spews racial hatred and other anti-American filth on a regular basis and I know that Obama can’t prove conclusively that he was actually born in Hawaii. Where among any of that do you find that I’m racially biased against Obama?”
The troll took a double step backward and just stood there looking at me. When she finally managed to get her eyeballs to stop spinning in her head, she looked at me and said, “You just a racist white man who don’t want no black man in the White House.” After which she turned and walked away from me.
“And a Happy Columbus Day to you too!” I shouted after her.
And a black and white police car idled by.