Is there something important you need to put in writing but you just don’t have the time or energy to get it done? Do you know what needs to be said but you just can’t get it from your head to the paper? Is it a “Dog eat dog” world and you’re wearing Milk Bone underwear? If you answered “Yes” to these questions then you need the Ghost Writer!
Your caffeine laden days are long enough without the worry of how you’re going to sneak up on your keyboard. You know what you have to do but you avoid it, and once again that blank monitor screen mocks you like an unforgiving ex-wife! You have enough to worry about like getting enough sleep! And when was the last time you enjoyed a meal that wasn’t served to you through your car window after shouting your disgusting order into the nightmarish face of some monstrous clown, a mutant chicken head, or a fearsome twelve foot taco? It’s time to slow down because your personal Ghost Writer is here to help you!
Your Ghost Writer specializes in:
Ransom Demands – Hate Letters – Love Letters – Prescription Fraud
Welfare Scams - Divorce Papers – Prenuptial Agreements – Check Forging – Identity Theft – Marriage Vows - Bank Robbery Notes – Letters to Santa Claus – Letters to God, Moses, and Satan. And so much more!
And in light of recent political events, Ghost Writer Inc. has opened a new office to handle the overwhelming demand for Voter Registration Fraud! That’s right my friends – you too can now register the dead relative of your choice to vote in the upcoming historic election for President of the United States from the comfort of your own living room! And if you choose not to honor long dead Uncle Al or Grandma Lucy with the ability to vote from the grave, you can use the names of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, your neighborhood Boy Scout troop, or the names of all the Pilgrims who were on the Mayflower! And for that one low price, you can register them over and over again! Ghost Writer Inc. never runs out of paper!
And when the time comes, your personal Ghost Writer will be there for you in your darkest hour as you mourn the passing of a loved one. Put your order in early for a custom eulogy that is guaranteed to elicit tears from a stone! You’ll have them sobbing in the aisles! Your leather soled shoes will be no match for the piles of wet Kleen-Ex that will line the procession route! And for the same low fee the Ghost Writer will deliver your deluxe eulogy in person!
Do you need to tell that “Special Someone” to take a hike but you’re at a loss for just the right expletives? Your worries are over when you choose from Ghost Writer’s “Kick him/her to the curb” specials! Don’t wait another minute to call the professionals on our highly trained staff of “Restraining Order” specialists!
And like your Ghost Writer are you tired of the typical, boring, and time worn cardboard sentiments of the usual love themed greeting card? You’ll be able to jump start the romance you so richly deserve when you make a selection from Ghost Writers “Ghost with the most” birthday, Valentine, and anniversary collections! And if true love isn’t in the cards for you, let your over-sexed Ghost Writer customize a deluxe invitation to your next orgy!
Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened way back in April of 1865 if Abraham Lincoln had octopus tentacles instead of a beard? Everyone knows that Honest Abe could have disarmed John Wilkes Booth, pushed the First Lady out of harm’s way, and still had enough hands to applaud the play! Now you can put it in writing!
You can rest easy knowing that the Ghost Writer will use all of his powers and all of his skills so your satisfaction is not just a ghost of a chance! Bring this flyer with you and enjoy an extra 10% off our already low, low prices. And you don’t have to worry if your knees hurt or you’re just a lazy fuck because you can use our new drive-up window for even faster service!