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Monday, October 23, 2017

The Greatest Week In Comedy

Democratic Convention provides a great deal of humor in attempt to obfuscate candidate shortcomings.

 

What happened in Denver, Colorado? Left-wing liberals spent four days last week trying to convince everyone who hasn't imbibed in the Kool-Aid that Obama is "the one ordained by God for America at this time." At least that's what Nancy Pelosi said about him. Then when she spoke at the convention Monday, she was heckled by protesters chanting, "Drill here! Drill Now!" She responded by saying, "Here? You want to drill right here? How about if we drill your heads?" That's real mature from the current Speaker of the House. But then Nancy Pelosi has never been in danger of being mistaken for someone with any intelligence.

Monday night, Michelle Obama addresses the delegation talking almost exclusively about how her father struggled to put her and her brother through college all while he suffered "multiple scerosis." And here all my life I've pronounced the disease "multiple SKLA-rosis". How sill of me to not be aware that there is no "L" in scerosis and of course it would be Michelle Obama whose father suffered MS to correct my pronunciation. Then again, if someone with such atrocious English language speaking skills can get into and graduate from Harvard Law School, then that means I could breeze through with little or no trouble at all considering my substantially higher and more articulate speaking abilities – especially when I heard Michelle say, "…the work he done." It's no damn wonder that America is going down the tubes. We don't take care of our language like we need to do. Never mind that she was dressed like she was addressing the local PTA instead of the DNC. So much for the allegation that she is "the next Jackie Kennedy." I'll bet Mrs. Kennedy is just about to lift Arlington Cemetery up out of Virginia just from her grave-spinning alone.

But that wasn't all. Monday night also held Barack Obama's greatest gaffe since last Saturday when he accidentally addressed his running mate Joseph Biden of Delaware as "the next president of the United States…the next vice president of the United States…" After Michelle Obama's auto glorification speech, when her two daughters appeared on stage with Barack piped in via satellite from Kansas City and he said, "It sure is great to be here is Saint Louis…" (Dramatic pause with sound of crickets chirping). Then his daughter asked, "Daddy, what town are you in?"

Tuesday Hillary addressed the delegation. What can be said of "the sisterhood of the travelling pantsuit"? Note to Hillary: Muted colors, Senator. How many times did she actually say Barack Obama's name? This reporter never needed more than one hand to count them and had to stop counting at 21 for the number of times she referenced herself or said, "Me." This is an angry woman. For the last month it seemed that Hillary was going to mount a coup to wrestle the nomination from Obama at the convention, yet today, she stood before the delegation and made a motion to end the roll call that could possibly have given her the nomination. She's got something up her sleeve. She wants to be the president so bad she can taste it. She never once directed her supporters to vote for Obama. There is a plan on the back burner to make sure that Obama doesn't win in November so that Hillary will have a clean shot in 2012. Over the next two months, that plan will be put into place and America will see how vindictive the Clinton political machine can be.

Bill O'Reilly sent his cameras out in to the streets to look around at the mass of insanity that has descended on the Mile High City. First on the list was actress Ellen Burstyn. Ms. Burstyn has a reputation as a fine actor however, it seems that it is time has come for her to move in to her room at the old actor's home. When O'Reilly's producer asked her why she was supporting Obama, she turned and said, "Because he's smart." Doesn't it just break your heart to see such a fine actor suffering from senility? No one in his or her right mind can possibly thing Obama is smart. Saying he's in St. Louis when he's in Kansas City? Really.

Then of course there was pinhead extraordinaire Spike Lee. O'Reilly's producer asks Lee a question only to have Lee reply, "I don't do Fox." Well of course he doesn't do Fox. Why would Lee appear on a sensible news channel that could blow a hole in every racist allegation Lee has ever made. Lee's most recent show of ignorance was in his exchange with Clint Eastwood. Lee threw an absolute fit when Eastwood's movies Letters from Iwo Jima and Flags of Our Fathers failed to include black characters. Good luck explaining to Lee that there were no blacks fighting in the Imperial Japanese army during World War II. Never mind that the United States Army wasn't integrated until long after World War II ended. Guess you just can't get a good history lesson anymore unless it includes a few blacks who weren't there in the first place. That Spike Lee is trying to rewrite American History to suit his agenda is enough to infuriate any real American. As Eastwood said, "He needs to shut his face." Especially since Lee is a no-talent liberal hack who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him in the butt.

Then there were the Kool-Aid drinkers who call themselves the Nine-Eleven Truthers. Here's a group of liberal morons whose vocabulary does not extend beyond the mantra, "nine eleven was an inside job." They have no proof and so far, all of the conspiracy theories about 9/11 have been completely debunked, proven false or just flat out died away because they were too stupid to make sense. It's just funny to watch a bunch of thick-headed loons stand out in front of the world and make complete fools of themselves. The sheer magnitude of the 9/11 attacks force the theory that they were an inside job to collapse under its own weight. There wasn't enough time for George W. Bush to have orchestrated so eloquent a plan – and eloquent the would have had to have been for it to be an inside job. While a mere 3000 people died, the number of people who would have had to be sworn to secrecy would populate a small farm town in Oklahoma including Rudolph Giuliani, George Pataki and the entire New York City police and fire departments as well as the CEOs of American and United Airlines, the flight crew of the four planes and the United States Military Establishment. If you're going to do something as covert as blowing up the tallest buildings in New York City and the largest office building in the United States, you need to keep the operation a small (very small), tight unit. So, let the 9/11 conspiracy loons have their little rallies. They are just demonstrating their stupidity, ignorance and gullibility.

Finally we come to the lovely and talented Darryl Hannah. She was asked why she was supporting Obama. She said point blank, "I'm not supporting him. I refuse to go to the Pepsi Center because I don't want to be in a building named after a soft drink that causes obesity and diabetes." Okay, so she doesn't support Obama because the convention was held in a building named for a soda. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

When Bill Clinton addressed the delegation on Wednesday, there was more humor in that thirty minutes than the rest of the convention. First of all the ovation he received lasted a whopping three minutes and thirty seconds. The crowd would not stop even when he tried to speak. He asked twice for people to sit down and stop. They would not listen to him. You'd think HE was the chosen one. His opening remarks: "I am here tonight first to support Barack Obama and second I'm here to warm up the crowd for Joe Biden. But soon you will see that he doesn't need from me. I love Joe Biden and soon America will too." Clinton continued to try his hand a humor saying that the campaign between his wife Hillary and Barack Obama generated so much heat it contributed to global warming." Then he took a jab at Obama and the rest of the Democrats saying, "My candidate didn't win."

Thursday came the appearance of "The Anointed One" -- Barack Hussein "Apollo" Obama.  Before a crowd of almost 80,000 people packed into Mile High Stadium, Obama stood on a Greek amphitheatre stage on Ivesco Field to address his minions.  Several observers noted the formation of the numbers "666" in the windows of the backdrop.  Your humble correspondent personally was never able to see them, but if they were there...

For the entire 30 minute or-so speech, this reporter kept shaking my head at the Greek columns and laughing at the pretentiousness of it all.  As Obama continued to "explain" what he meant by change, all of America sat anxiously on the edge of its seat.  But alas, poor Yorick, it never came.  He promised tax cuts on the middle class and tax increases on the rich -- very bad way to get elected president senator.  He promised higher wages, better insurance coverage, more stable and secure Social Security and a return to the days of Bill Clinton.  The question continued to beg, "how does he plan to pay for it all?"  He gave no clear, direct answer -- typical of the old-school Washington-type politician of which Obama claims not to be.  He promised to eradicate government programs that were no longer working as a means of saving money.  Does this mean he plans to shut down the postal service as well?  Will his spending cuts include such moronic government departments and agencies like the Departments of Homeland Security and Education as well as the Environmental Protection Agency and National Drug Control Policy?

Suffice it to say, those four days last week were enough to make one "engage in an involuntary personal protein spill."  It was truly a specticle to witness and it makes this reporter glad he doesn't live in Denver right now.  The highlight of the week was Bill Clinton taking a jab at Hillary saying, "I'm not too thrilled about following Hillary's speech last night." And oh boy did the daggers fly from Hillary at Bill.  No doubt Bill spent that night sleeping alone on the private Gulf Stream but he probably wasn't completely along as there were Secret Service agents spotted outside an adult toy store in Denver that night...

 



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D. E. Carson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on The Greatest Week In Comedy

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By AmyO on September 01, 2008 at 12:51 am

I will agree with you that Bill and Hillary have the most obvious dysfunctional relationship and its almost laughable to me that they are considered to be so far up the ladder in politics. But then again, isn't everyone's relationships in politics a fake? 

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By D. E. Carson on September 01, 2008 at 05:54 pm

A "1"?!?  I sit and waste four nights watching the DNC hoping for something of redemptive value and all I get for my efforts is a "1"???

Tough room!

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By D. E. Carson on September 01, 2008 at 06:40 pm

Thanks El G!  I knew I could count on you for a morale boost!

You're right, though, Apollo Obama owes a lot of his popularity to his speech writers.  That Saddleback Forum that Rick Warren hosted a couple of weeks ago proved conclusively that Obama has no skill at extemporaneous speaking.  You watch the presidential debates.  Either Obama will have teleprompters in front of his lectern or he'll have pre-written questions that are forced on the moderators to read.

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By Lila M. on September 05, 2008 at 06:35 pm

Yes, but at least Obama didn’t give in to the peer pressure of picking Hillary.  He picked Biden, which technically is a strong choice for him.  Unlike McCain who came off pathetic, desperate and jaded for trying to look hip by picking a woman.  Only he picked the wrong woman.   He's definitely lost many people’s votes and faith in his judgment. 

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