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Monday, October 23, 2017

Fashion Train Wreck

by D. E. Carson (writer), , July 05, 2008

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Memo to Oprah: You're proving that being rich doesn't always make you smart.

Just look at this photograph. If a picture is worth a thousands words, then this is the War and Peace of photographs.

While scooting around on the Internet this morning, I happened across the What Were They Thinking section of Yahoo News and found this gem of a joke. I’ve attempted to avoid saying anything about Oprah Winfrey because frankly, I don’t like her. She’s a self-centered ideologue and self-proclaimed prophet of modern spiritualism. I could go on, but I won’t. I want to address her (and others’) fashion sense – or severe lack thereof.

We’ve all seen it, People magazine among others like to devote the last few pages of their publications to the fashion faux pas often committed by Hollywood’s so-called “elite”. Having high business acumen does not always translate into clear fashion sense – after all just look at the garbage that so-called fashion designers force onto the runways of Paris, Milan and New York. But this one takes the cake.

Oprah is seen here in an outfit that can only have one acceptable event for its display – a renaissance fair. Of course the open-toed sandals simply have to go. Even the nobility of the Renaissance era had more practical shoes than this. Then there is the issue of the black skirt that says, “Hey, look at me! I dress like I just got out of bed this morning and threw on whatever happened to be lying in the corner!” Of course the white top screams “I want to be a pirate in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie!” The fan isn’t even close. It looks like something used by a mid 19th century old west America saloon and dance hall girl as part of her show. Face it, Oprah, your outfit says that just because you have money doesn’t mean you have common sense.

But Oprah isn’t the only offender. Countless times I’ve opened the back of Us Weekly and seen their feature “Fashion Police” and just have to shake my head. Sometimes the outfits aren’t as bad as the “critics” (people who work in the entertainment industry as radio DJs or Hollywood trade rag columnists who really have no better idea of fashion than the people whom they are criticizing) claim. But sometimes, they don’t go far enough.

Who remembers when Bjork showed up at the 2001 Academy Awards with a swan draped around her neck? Or going back further to Rose McGowan’s “expose” at the 1998 MTV Video Music Awards? Thankfully I’m not allowed to post more than one photograph at a time here or I’d have put both of those in there for those of you who have a fuzzy memory. The same Yahoo article that showed the photo of Oprah also had one of Hilary Duff dressed in thigh-high cork boots, fishnet stockings, Daisy Duke shorts and a day-glo green halter top loud enough to wake Julius Caesar.

Whatever happened to regular clothes? Bjork’s 2001 dress was just a case of a designer who had too much to drink the night before. Rose McGowan’s 1998 should have gotten her arrested. Back then a woman who bared her breasts in public, regardless of how nice they may be, was considered a skank and in many cases would be arrested for indecent exposure. Thankfully she had enough sense to wear panties that at least covered her in front – in spite of the fact it was a THONG and when she turned around, she mooned the whole press line. Hilary Duff’s outfit, while a visual assault at least covered her so she wasn’t showing off her “assets”.

Too often stars go out in clothing that qualifies as bona fide modern wacky. The females who think they have a really hot body go out and try to show it off then can’t figure out why they end up on Mr. Blackwell’s Worst Dressed List. There are types of clothing that certain women (and men) should just simply avoid. That’s right, I’m picking on men here too. Mainly because men have ABSOLUTELY NO FASHION SENSE WHATSOEVER! And Alan Cumming leaps to the front of the line in this cate-“GORY”. Some of the outfits this clown has worn over the years makes most transvestites vomit out their own toe-nails. I once heard a well-known drag queen say of Alan, “that boy makes me want to go back to shopping at Men’s Wearhouse!”

I suppose it’s a sign that when you’re rich and famous you’re allowed to get away with more bizarre behavior than when you’re just rich. Lindsay Lohan, Brittney Spears, Tara Reid (why can’t I think of males who belong in this category?) Oh yeah, Charlie Sheen, Jude Law and even Brad Pitt have all been seen at one time or another doing something that would make even the devil himself scratch his head and ask, “WTF?” Then there is the most famous bad boy of all: Robert Downey, Jr. Of course, I have to give Robert some credit here, he has cleaned up his act and he has actually settled down. His work in Ironman actually shows the smart-ass that he can be and shows him to be a very good actor. He is the Eric Clapton of Hollywood. Robert was always a good actor just like Eric Clapton was always a good guitar player. But once these two got cleaned up, they began to enjoy a new level of appreciation by older fans and gained new ones and their work shows it.

I have yet to find a female entertainer who can make the same claim. I know there has to be some out there, but I can’t think of any right now. I’m sure you, my faithful readers, will have no qualms about pouncing on me and screaming in my face the names of those females I have forgotten. And believe me, it will be appreciated so long as you brushed your teeth first (El G – take the boots off first!)



About the Writer

D. E. Carson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on Fashion Train Wreck

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By icanluvulongtime on July 06, 2008 at 04:52 am

i liked the shirt better when jerry seinfeld wore it.

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By fashionista on July 11, 2008 at 12:08 pm

My dad always said, "when you are poor, they call you weird, when you are rich, you are just eccentric." I think quite a few people with money in hollywood are just strange... and they happen to show off quite a bit of their "personality" through their clothing...

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Log In To Vote   Score: -1
By Diana's Art on October 29, 2008 at 04:39 pm

Is that author a crossdresser or what?  He, or he purports to be a he, writes “Of course the open-toed sandals simply have to go.”

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