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Fat Joe

by 'Mean' Mike Duffau (writer), I'm the boss!, June 11, 2008

sex
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Make sure that other person is being honest with you.

His name is Joe and he lives on the 16th floor of a high rise building in the heart of the Wilshire corridor. This guy is tall and not handsome but of course living on Wilshire Blvd, his money does the talking for him. I don't know what he's like during the week days, but on the weekends this guy is the ultimate playboy. Well, not really a playboy because he has to buy his romantic pleasures. There are all kinds of broads driving in to see Joe.

These girls are young and beautiful! They're the kind of girls that I have trouble saying 'Hi' to. They don't pay attention to a guy in uniform. (A valet uniform that is.) They want FJ!

FJ's personal chef is my inside man and he tells me all kinds of drama that his boss does. For the most part I admit that I get a little bit jealous because of the freedom that FJ has. He can do anything he wants at any giving time. I bet this guy can commit murder or have someone killed and get away with it, which I don't doubt it. Whatever his business is? I don't care. I do have a problem though! Don't get me wrong I'm not crying about the beautiful dames that visit FJ for a one night stand. I worry about their health. Why do I care? I thought you never ask!

My source told me that his boss has herpes! My heart dropped because I thought of all those girls that have been with him and some stop by on a regular basis. I couldn't believe it and the chef said to me "Didn't you ever see his lips flared up?" Now that I look back I do remember FJ  having a few of those outbreaks, and it looked nasty. At the time I didn't make nothing of it, and he touched the stirring wheel of his car and I touched the stirring wheel when I park his car. I may have rubbed my eyes or mouth afterwards and BAM! I could have it! I hope I don't have that sh*t! I'm paranoid about all that stuff! If I find out I have it, FJ is dead... Plain and pure F'in simple! Alright, enough about that.

I read some things about herpes and other venereal diseases and I don't want to start some kind of debate about it, but from what I found out was that a person can get the herpes virus simply by skin to skin contact, regardless if wearing a condom. Some say yes and some say no. So is it up for grabs? Nobody seems to know, even doctors. The only recommendation of not getting any type of STD is abstaining from sex. So whats the real answer? I don't think nobody is going to stop having sex unless it's a life threatening issue. The problem with herpes is that you carry that with you for the rest of your life. It's tattooed on you like a piece of luggage. Nobody wants that and spare the embarrassment of telling your new partner.

Others have said don't have sex if somebody has an outbreak, even if you wear a rubber! That's scary stuff! Then I hear about couples who one of them has the disease and the other doesn't and they've been together for over 20 years. So now I'm really confused! One thing for sure is that if a woman is pregnant with herpes, she can pass the herpes virus to the baby. That seems to be something definite which has been proven. It's the same thing with Aids... Mom passes it on to the child. Condoms do protect on most STD's from what I've been told and from what I've read, but here are some STD's that condoms cannot protect you from, and they are pubic lice, scabies, and ringworm.

Here's another way to protect yourself: I know most of us can't live without getting any sort of action, and I can't blame you. So your best bet is to find somebody to be monogamous with and before you start having sex, go get checked out at a clinic. Make sure the both of you are clean and comeback negative with the results then hop on each other. Don't cheat on him/her because that defeats the whole purpose!

Still paranoid about it all and need to release tension? I suggest masturbation. What other choice do you have? Your health is nothing to play around with. You don't need me to tell you this, wise up! Are you a real tough guy because you talk about the numbers you had and the Polaroids to prove it? Ah, so what! It's the quality that matters, and that quality could be just one... Simple!

One dame at a time is enough for me unless it's a threesome and I got to make sure she's free of STD's. If doctors don't have the right answers for me then I have to conduct my own analysis. I'll put on the rubber gloves and have a magnifying glass and micro-scopes all over my lab. If I see something moving around that doesn't seem right, she's out! I'll send her over to FJ.

Go to this website and educate yourselves. There's more detailed information about STD's and other diseases. Be Safe! http://www.cdc.gov/



About the Writer

'Mean' Mike Duffau is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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9 comments on Fat Joe

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By jailbird on June 11, 2008 at 03:46 pm

Hey Mike if you got herpes I ain't going to box with you no more!

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By Jen on June 11, 2008 at 08:06 pm

So...here's a fact sheet from the CDC.  Your link goes to the home page...this will be more to the point.

Sores on Fat Joes mouth do not necessarily mean that he has genital herpes...it means he has an HSV-1 infection in his mouth, though it is possible that he could transmit HSV-1 to his partner during oral sex...and his partner to her next partner and so on...and so on.  HSV-1 is a far milder form of the "classic" genital herpes we are all so familiar with (see fact sheet for more information on HSV-1 vs. HSV-2). 

Condoms also do not protect you from HPV (human papilloma virus) which causes what is known as genital warts.  Some, though not all strains of HPV have been shown to cause testicular cancer in men and cervical cancer in women.

Now...show me your genitals!

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on June 11, 2008 at 08:39 pm

hey jailbird...shut-up!

el g: i'm gonna look out for ya!

jen: thanks for that info...i remember FJ  making out with some of  these girls in the middle of the lobby, no shame! herpes is herpes! no matter what kind it is.

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By Jen on June 11, 2008 at 08:52 pm

So then...if you've ever had chicken pox you are already infected with a member of the herpesviridae called Varicella zoster.  During periods of extreme stress or when the immune system has been weakened it can re-appear as a nasty itchy rash known as shingles.

Herpes is herpes...right?

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on June 11, 2008 at 08:57 pm

jen: yep, thats what i said. thanks for the info.

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By Sharlene Hardin on June 12, 2008 at 07:28 am

Great article.  I guess this is the one time when it's really ok to spread herpes :) 

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on June 12, 2008 at 03:42 pm

J/T: yeah, what a trade off, huh.

SHARLENE: thanks for the compliment. i wish there was a better way to eliminate it.

ED: what do you mean you used to do the heidi fleiss thing? you pimp you!!! i never heard you say words like 'hoes and hoochies' before!!! the dark side is coming out, huh? keep swingin'!!!

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By Lila M. on June 15, 2008 at 06:58 pm

when it comes to touching others people's cars, or property, etc. I have 2 words for you MM.....antibacterial wipes.   

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on June 16, 2008 at 03:08 am

hey Lila M...i'm one step ahead of ya! thanks for lookin' out!

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