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Friday, November 17, 2017

The Check Is In The Mail

by D. E. Carson (writer), , April 29, 2008

Whatcha gonna do when it comes to you...?

Okay, a bad take off of the Cops theme. But I really don’t care because I hate that show. It’s stupid, moronic and another in a long list of signs America is moving toward a Communist State. But that’s a gripe for another column.

This time, I’m calling on everyone who gets their tax rebate check to actually do something good with your money. Give it to me!

Just kidding.

Here’s the thing. How are these measly little peanut papers going to help stimulate the economy? After all, if you spend it at Wal-Mart, most likely it will be on some piece of junk that was made in China for about $0.89 and shipped over here on a really big boat then sold to you for $29.94 (tax and batteries not included). Lee Scott (CEO of Wal-Mart) will get his cut, the wholesaler will get his cut and the rest of the money will have already gone back to China to keep the child-labor sweatshops over there running 24/7 so America can have its daily dose of cheap, worthless junk from a third-world country hell bent on ruling the world. Japan tried twice to take over America: first in 1941 (bad idea) and again in the 1980s when Made in America was a joke all over the world. It bought up all of our technology for building everything it didn’t already have. Anything Japan felt was worthless was sold off to China. Look at your clothes next time you do your laundry and see how much of it comes from China. What really pisses me off is the last bastion of American culture – the cowboy boot – is now made in CHINA! Good luck finding a pair of Tony Lamas or Laredos actually made in Texas. They’re all made in China now by the junk mills over there. And for what? So the American companies can cut costs while maintaining their ever-decreasing profit margins. As for what Japan didn’t sell off, Mitsumi Electronics makes 97% of all electronic stuff in your house – they just put someone else’s label on it. Remember RCA? They quit making televisions in 1983 – sold that whole operation to Mitsumi. General Electric did the same and so did Zenith, Magnavox, Sylvania and every other big name you care to mention – except Sony.

So you can’t buy electronic equipment with your tax rebate – the money ends up in China or Japan. You know the minute you fill your tank that money is going to the Saudi Arabs, Russians and Mexicans (the three countries from whom we buy the most oil with Mexico being the largest supplier of the three) so you can’t spend your money on that. If you spend it to pay off debt, you’re not helping the economy at all because you’re just giving it to some money-grubbing bank that doesn’t know how to manage its own finances anyway – they’re worse than the government at losing money don’t you know.

The rebates aren’t big enough to buy a house or a car. God forbid we get real money back. After all the hard work you do for the government you’d think the government would give us $6,000.00 to $12,000.00 back. It’s not like they don’t have it to give back. I mean, really, give us some serious money and we’ll do some serious buying and seriously stimulate the economy. Give me $60,000.00 to $120,000.00 back and I’ll start making a damn big dent in the economy. Multiply that by 300,000,000 people and you’ll have a stimulated economy. Hell, even Santa would say, Ho, ho, HO!

So electronics, oil, clothes and debt aren’t going to help the economy. Cars and houses are out of the question. Vacations are out unless you go on a “relative vacation” – that’s where you go somewhere and stay with relatives. You really can’t even buy illegal drugs because the money goes to some foreign drug cartel to fund rebellions in South America or terrorism here in America. So what’s left? Not really much of anything unless you count gambling. Of course, no one ever wins the lottery. Those are just shows the government puts on to get people to willingly give up a buck or two a week on the empty promise that if you get the right numbers, you’ll get an aircraft carrier load of money. The whole production is done by actors and the money doesn’t really help education. Oh, it goes to education, but that was a bait and switch. You see, if the government was giving $25 million to education before the lottery, that $25 million was replaced by the $25 million that was raised through the lottery. The money from the lottery goes to education as promised, but the other $25 million goes elsewhere. There is no “extra” money going to education. This is why government schools are a massive failure. The legislature always finds a way to get extra money without actually using the money as promised. If the lottery were to stop today, every public school would have to close down before noon tomorrow. There would be no money to keep them open.

As for Vegas casino gambling...you can’t beat the house. Casinos in Vegas, Reno, Atlantic City and even on Indian reservations are all geared to take your money – ALL OF IT. At least as much as you’re willing to give up anyway. On the rare occasion that someone in a casino hits it big, security will scrutinize the machine or table and video of your play time before paying you one cent because they’re certain that you somehow cheated. Nope. Gambling is out because it doesn’t produce anything except people who are divorced, broke and sloppy. It doesn’t contribute to the economy.

That leaves only two industries in America that are in America, whose money stays in America and might actually do some good to the economy – liquor and prostitution. SO when you get your economic stimulus check, take it directly to the bank and cash it, get yourself to Nevada as quickly as you can, buy some Budweiser or Jack Daniels and head straight for the Bunny Ranch. After getting drunk and laid, you won’t care that you’re divorced, broke and sloppy because you’ll know that you have contributed to the American economy by purchasing American products and services.

Just be sure to see your doctor when you get home about that itch between your legs...



About the Writer

D. E. Carson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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