Thursday, July 19, 2018

Broo Deathmatch - Second Half First Round Results...

by Glenn T (writer), Las Vegas, NV, March 24, 2008


And then there were 16! That's right, the first round is in the books. See what favorites advanced; and what top seeds stumbled, as the BrooWaha writers' deathmatch tournament boldly goes to ROUND 2

So, as I know you’re all waiting with bated breath – here are the second half of the first round results for this deathmatch insanity.

Credo vs Crowbar

It was bound to happen, a top seed would come in overconfident and be taken to task by an upstart, just-happy-to-be-here eighth seed. On one hand, the top seed, Credo, a solid Broo participant – a thinking man, who's mastered topics as diverse as the city in which he lives. His latest article about sticking it to the IRS (in an purely intellectual way, of course) has garnered a Jen-and-Tonic-esque ten thousand or so hits – and put him squarely at the top of the Broo NY empire. However, I submit that no matter whether you’re the King of New York or not, you just don’t mess with a guy named Crowbar. Crowbar in a stunner… on the sweet sixteen (whatever you do, don’t call him “sweet” though)

Joseph Mael vs. Hassassin

This matchup has it all: intrigue, bad blood, smack talking and one pretty cool nickname. Hassassin has not one, but two articles with more than seven thousand hits (top that, J&T!) and is the only other person I have heard of who liked “Stranger Than Fiction” as much as I did… this still leaves me as the only person to actually have cried during the movie – but I still feel a little less alone. But then there’s Joe, who has, hands down, the best “A word about…” section on Broo… and who is not only a Clippers fan – but will also admit it in writing. Despite a self-imposed sabbatical – Joe still makes time to support his Broo brethren, and is generous with his praise. I’m not sure what “tricks” Joseph Mael had up his sleeve – but he’s on to the second round in a tight one.

Jen & Tonic vs Savattra

Despite the fact that this was a 4-5 matchup, and should have been close, it wasn’t. Jen & Tonic has almost a cult-like following on Broo – as one would expect when they’ve got an article with nearly forty thousand hits to their credit. Savattra is an SF Broo writer who waxes so convincingly on spiritual matters that I think she may have an “inside connection” on the matters – hopefully she won’t see to my damnation as a result of this. A fourteen thousand hit article would have been deadly to almost any other writer – unfortunately, it’s nothing to J&T. Plus, if it came down to Jager-bombs (and doesn’t it always?), I’d take Jen & T in a romp. The first round’s biggest blowout sends Jen & Tonic on to Round 2.

Brad Fink vs. Venditto

This is an instance of an automatic bid going to a writer who wouldn’t have made it into the field as an at-large writer – and while on paper this could be chalked up as an upset – it’s really not. Brad is holding it down as the flagship writer for the burgeoning Broo Miami. And believe me when I say, I’d much rather be in Miami (if you haven’t been, go)… but Venditto is a Broo NY staple, and offers up an immense amount of things to do in NYC that aren’t Times Square. Here’s a guy who has consumed bacon-infused vodka for God’s sake… and although if they both invited me for a weekend visit, I’m totally going to Miami – this matchup has Venditto moving on.

Chris Jones vs. Baynurse

As much fun as it was to get baynurse into the field of thirty-two – it won’t be nearly as fun having her leave. But Chris is the Broo Houston kingpin, and is one of the few recognizable sources of intelligent political discourse coming out of a state who’s dominant political paradigm seemed to be: “vote for the guy who has the same accent as we do.” I’m not quite sure how Veditto’s blog is called Uncool Kids and is about stuff to do around town and Chris’ is called The Hot Joints and is about politicians… guess it’s one of those park-in-a-driveway and drive-in-a-parkway type of things… Either way, baynurse has got more soft spots than a maternity ward – and Chris is all just edges… and you know how that goes in a deathmatch. Chris Jones on to the sixteen.

Bill Friday vs. DL Ferguson

DL Ferguson writes movie reviews – a lot of them. I think it’s fair to say, he’s the best movie critic on Broo… any Broo for that matter. DL has reviewed more movies in the last year than I’ve seen in the last three… and he’s good at it. He was a big part of my decision to go see Cloverfield (and to sit in the back of the theater, thanks, DL!). Unfortunately, he came up against the force of Broo nature that is Big Bill Friday… Bill is a sports writer who’s taken on everything from book reviews to politics on Broo – and has a blog entitled: “It’s Always Friday” (of course he does). They’re both great – but it was Bill’s big idea that got me started on this nonsense – so in the only overtime match in the first round… Bill Friday is off to the second.

V vs Rose Mountain

Rose is nothing if not an interesting Broo character. Her (currently) 34-part series We the People has played to good reviews, and a little left wing politics mixed with a dash of conspiracy theory and served with an articulate and poignant style always goes down well. It’s not the sort of thing that you’re going to read to feel better – but it’s the sort of thing you should read anyways. But then there’s V, who clearly seems to be Broo’s resident muse – I think “Boob Scotch” may be the one of the best things I’ve ever read on Broo. when there was a minor ruckus over her not having written in a while, V swooped in with another dazzling array of pieces, never, ever disappointing. That, and she’s the first Broo writer I ever had a crush on… V on to round 2… and cover your drinks if she’s roaming around your party topless.

Morgana vs C. Reagan

The first round finished up with the brightest star in the Broo Reno sky up against one of Broo’s early stars and finest West Hollywood correspondents. C regularly brought insight to some of L.A.’s most compelling stories – and finally weighed in, in 2008, with thoughts on the train wreck that is Britney. But, alas, we’ve certainly not heard from him as often as the queen of Reno-Tahoe-Truckee-Carson City-Sparks. There’s something both disturbing and enjoyable about a writer who can tackle philosophy, the northern Nevada nightlife, and (I’m not making this up) a restaurant review of Little Ceasar’s. Yeah, I know, totally awesome. Morgana hasn’t been with Broo long – but has certainly made a big splash… and in the end – you don’t mess with a girl from Truckee. Morgana off to the sweet, sweet sixteen.

Okay folks – that’s finally it for the first round… there are 16 writers still very much alive – and round 2 promises to be even juicier (if that’s even possible)... STAY TUNED!

The updated brackets are available here:

BrooWaha Deathmatch

Where you can still make predictions and print it out if you like...

Second Round winners for the West Coast and Where the Hell is Mumbai divisions will be selected on Thursday night/Friday morning; Second Round winners for the East Coast and Red State divisions will be selected on Friday night/Saturday morning.

Have fun with the second round matchups... And REMEMBER, play nicely, people - or I'll let Jen make the appetizers for Final Four party...

About the Writer

Glenn T is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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10 comments on Broo Deathmatch - Second Half First Round Results...

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By Jen on March 24, 2008 at 04:59 pm

Very funny Glenn.  I would never poison my fellow broosters.  Not on purpose anyway...

On a side note:  Who hasn't had a crush on V?

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By V on March 25, 2008 at 12:41 am

I've really not felt so stupid. After reading all of these articles, I still don't understand what I'm supposed to do. What I do understand is that my writing must be the honey to spark so many crushes. Sheesh. If there's ever a Broowaha get together, I'll be terrified of disappointing you all...

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By Glenn T on March 25, 2008 at 12:52 am

Isn't this really the charm of V??  Shades of a young and not-yet-crazy Denise Richards in Wild Things: "Can I play too? Or is it just for boys?"

V, dear... you don't have to do anything except keep on bein' you... and let us gush like a bunch of schoolboys... lol. 

This is really just my extended attempt at a humourous analog to the currently playing NCAA Men's College Basketball Championships - where the entire country goes crazy to pick teams in a single-elimination tournament.

I attempting to have a little hoo-hah at the end of this to watch the Final game in Burbank... and everyone can get angsty about my capricious and silly selection process.  Should be a good time - as long as I make El G check his weapons at the door.

Good to have you back... it's a better smelling place with you here :)

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By V on March 25, 2008 at 12:45 pm

Excellent, I don't have to do anything or understand anything and I get to play?!! I'm assuming that 'Zimas' are an alcoholic beverage? I really only manage to find myself at a sporting event if it's the Rugby World Cup & my team 'The all Blacks' (NZ) or my second team, 'The Wallabies' (AUS) are playing. But if we're using this deathmatch stuff as an excuse to meet over some drinks & Steve is making hot dogs... I'll be there. I better leave now though if it's in Burbank.

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By Jen on March 25, 2008 at 04:58 pm

My first read of that was "HopEless beer".  It made me giggle. 

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By Glenn T on March 25, 2008 at 05:04 pm

Wait... Smirnoff Ice is not a warrior's drink?

...and why do I hear a faint buy constant whistling sound coming from El G's direction?

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By Glenn T on March 25, 2008 at 05:04 pm

ah... I mean faint but constant... damned typos.

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By D. E. Carson on March 31, 2008 at 12:13 am

J&T:  You and I fall into that same category -- been more than half in the bag and never had a hangover.  I downed half a fifth of Southern Comfort (straight out of the bottle) at my best friend's engagement party on July 4th of a year I had to re-take Spanish in summer school in college and got up the next morning, took a shower, dressed, jumped on my mountain bike and rode the three miles to class and was completely unfazed by the volume of alcohol I had consumed the night before.  BTW: I'm 3/4 Irish and 1/4 German so I probably couldn't get a hangover if my life depended on it.  But then there is also something about being a dry drunk that keeps me from going back there...

As for the question, "Who hasn't had a crush on V?"  Well, that would have to be me.  You see, I made V interminably angry with me because of my conservative political views and she won't even speak to me.  I don't deny her her right to believe the way she does, I'm just sorry that she and I got off on the wrong foot.

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By Glenn T on March 31, 2008 at 12:23 am

Wow... I didn't even know V had the capacity to be interminably angry...  And the Broo brackets teach me yet another new thing...

PS - George Strait was amazing, and I didn't get my butt kicked!

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By D. E. Carson on April 03, 2008 at 01:22 am

Glenn: glad to hear you enjoyed George Strait.  I'm sure I would have if I had actually been able to go.  This makes twice I've been close enough to get to a George Strait concert and I've missed him.  I've seen Brooks and Dunn TWICE but can't seem to align a trip to a GS concert.

J&T: Sounds like fun, but I'm afraid I'm not as good as I once was, but I am as good once as I ever was...

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