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Broo Deathmatch - First Half First Round Results

by Glenn T (writer), Las Vegas, NV, March 22, 2008

Credit:

In a strikingly bland first day... the writers' deathmatches played out mostly according to seeding - save one brilliant young underdog...

Well, with apologies for the delay… the first round of the Broo Writers Deathmatch is in the books… with only a few upsets posted. Your Broo All-Stars are still very much alive and steamrolling towards the final four… There’s been some call for me to explain myself – as to just what exactly this is. And to that I say, I will do no such thing. On to the results:

Ed Attansio vs. Dr. Traci

It’s possible that Ed may finally meet his match in this tournament – but it wasn’t going to be in the first round. While an impressive opponent on paper – Dr. Traci’s CV just couldn’t stand up to Big Ed’s overwhelming Broo presence. A little quick math and Ed’s got more page hits than Dr. Traci has words published on Broo. In fairness, Dr. Traci has a wicked cool website and is probably a better life coach – but Ed’s blog offers tips on cheap rooms in Vegas. Who needs life coaching when you can go to Vegas for a weekend? That’s all the salvation you’ll ever need. It was close for a half – but it’s Ed Attansio off to the Sweet 16.

M.B. Dion vs. Charles Harmison

Ah, the age-old battle between Long Beach and San Francisco… er… okay, so maybe it’s not so epic – but here it really comes down to recent Broo involvement – where our beloved Mr. Harmison hasn’t published since last July, and M.B. has a piece in last month. Of course, Charles is still, with this nine (9) month sabbatical, ahead of me in page-views… but that in no way colors my judgment on this match. In the end, it’s about profile photos and one timeless axiom: never trust a man in a bow tie. M.B. Dion on into the sixteen as sweet as his neckwear.

D.E. Carson vs. Pleasure Palate

As always, the 4-5 matchup did not disappoint. D.E. Carson, man of the people up against one of only two Broo writers to be a “Featured Contributor.” D.E. listens to country music, right wing talk radio and the incessant whining of Hillary Clinton supporters (the last with a good bit of disdain, mind you). The only “right” thing about PP is the side of the brain she uses in her food adventures… My appetite is all about PP – but then I saw her website and remembered one very important rule: real men don’t eat quiche. The obvious corollary of which is: quiche doesn’t trade well in Deathmatches. D.E. Carson and his goatee are off to the second round.

Steven Lane vs. Gary Schwind

A surprisingly good matchup for a 7-2. Gary is hardly a shrinking violet or Cinderella story: a solid Broo presence, a blog with more crazy topics than a season of Jerry Springer, and one seriously bitchin’ college football obsession (which I can completely relate with). But this is Steven Lane we’re talking about here. He’s produced more installments of the Howling than I have good friends… and is MySpace friends with Danny Trejo and Rob Zombie – which may be the greatest drinking trio ever. Sorry Gar, you just ran into the buzzsaw on this one. Steven Lane rolls easily… but don’t worry Gary, your Buckeyes just landed the number one HS football recruit… again.

Nhemerson vs Mean Mike Duffau

This one just eats me up… Mean Mike is just one of my favorite writers on Broo – and just about one of the most solid cats here. N is the flagship for Broo Portland – which is a place that could use a little culture. Not quite sure how being a number one seed qualifies N as a “Cinderella” story – but he at least took the time to weigh in on his chances… and Mean Mike has been as quiet as the theater at the end of Million Dollar Baby… the squeaky author gets the greasy win. Nhemerson on to Round 2; still love ya MM!

Ariel vs Althea

This is a little like going up just before the birthday boy to try and bash the piñata… there’s no way you’re getting anywhere near that thing. Ariel, lord and master of all things Broo; he needs little introduction – and will consequently get none here. Althea on the other hand is an author that I didn’t even know before I started this insanity. Turns out she’s got just about the coolest list of music and movies of any Broo author – which she has painstakingly reproduced on her MySpace page (where you can also, consequently, find out that she’s a Scorpio – rawr!). Good news Althea, you’ve got a new reader. Bad news: I know better than to throw rocks at the bear… especially when the bear controls my writing privileges. Ariel moves on to the sixteen in a surprisingly close match.

El G vs. DigiDave

Wow. Talk about your battle of ideals. Or rather, a battle of ideals versus no identifiable ideals. I kid, I kid. It’s hard to imagine what Broo would be like without El G – no other author is the yang to so many of our yins… And DigiDave, stepping up as the new Chief Editor – has had just about the biggest impact as anyone since taking the new assignment. I’m certain it’s a bit like herding cats – trying to keep a handle on all of us. But, thanks to his latest comment on Ava Marie’s new fashion article, it looks like El G has Dave and I beat in one very important category, bedding models. El G – off to the second round… and hopefully bringing his model “friends” with him.

I wisdom vs Glenn T

I know what you’re thinking: how can I possibly be objective about myself? And to that I say: who say’s I’m being objective? I wisdom, the flagship for Broo Atlanta, and a charming new writer… and then there’s me – an emotional maelstrom who periodically turns out something only marginally less readable than the brilliant top authors who regularly troll the pages here. It’s peace and love versus Haddaway’s “What is Love?”; it’s positive energy versus positively insane; it’s friendly versus friendless. But it really comes down to misspelling “dissertation” – which thanks to Firefox, is something I’ll never do. I’m putting my crazy, undeserving ass through to Round 2… if for no other reason than simply to give El G something fun to beat on.

Okay folks… that’s the first half of the first round… and the second half is well on its way (thanks, Ed for making sure I’m relatively timely with these). Stay tuned (later today) for the rest of the first round results… including our first number one seed to exit the tourney…

The updated brackets are available here:

BrooWaha Deathmatch

Where you can still make predictions and print it out if you like...

REMEMBER, keep it clean folks, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... and then it's only fun for El G.



About the Writer

Glenn T is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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14 comments on Broo Deathmatch - First Half First Round Results

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Digidave on March 22, 2008 at 03:47 pm

I almost rejected this article since you let El G beat me in the deathmatch. But alas, my lame principles forced me to hit publish ;)

Seriously - I'm loving the Broowaha DeathMatch series. Excited to see how it turns out.

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By nhemerson on March 22, 2008 at 05:33 pm

I'd just like to make an open challenge to my next opponent, Ariel.  It is time for the grasshopper to steal the pebble from the masters hand.  It is time for the fat lady to sing.  It is time for the power hungry matriarchel son to murder his father for power of the land.  A storm is coming. None like you have ever seen Ariel.  I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!!!!!

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By D. E. Carson on March 22, 2008 at 06:48 pm

Winning by a quiche???  Good thing I never made mention of my lasagna!

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By Jen on March 23, 2008 at 12:21 am

Despite being shuned, rejected, and tossed to the sidelines before the games even got underway I'm loving this!  Im chewing my nails and sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next rounds results.

And let me just say...that if it ends up Joe vs. J&T I just don't know who I'll root for!

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By Steven Lane on March 23, 2008 at 01:13 am

That's a tough win, Gary is a great writer/reviewer...............I wish I had a clue about this bracket stuff. By the way, Danny Trejo doesn't drink but he loves a good piece of apple pie.

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By Steven Lane on March 23, 2008 at 01:17 am

I just looked at who I face in the next round, that should be interesting...The man that hates Hillary and the  guy that voted for her............ouch.

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By Gary Schwind on March 23, 2008 at 09:25 am

Glenn, I'm just glad to know that you checked out my Uncle Sal Chronicles.

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on March 23, 2008 at 04:38 pm

hey champ, how did you let that guy beat me? i gotta better record! but as the old champions of the day would say..."It was a good fight, and I hope we can become good friends." My respects to Nhemerson!

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By Glenn T on March 24, 2008 at 01:22 am

Sorry Mike - you know I still think you're the champ... he got a lucky punch in... but I think you'll agree, he's scrappy and fun to have in the tourney. 

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By Glenn T on March 24, 2008 at 01:27 pm

Hey Ed... I have endeavored to include the following advice at the end of each of these BrooBrackets postings: "REMEMBER, keep it clean, folks..." because none of this is meant to be personal.  It is, while ambitious in length, just meant to be entertaining.  I know that it's mostly a Broo insiders' thing - and that I risk a smaller audience as a result - but it's been fun to write, and since we're not getting paid for any of this, I figure that's a good enough paradigm as any to dictate one's Broo efforts.

As for kissing ass - I assume the irony is not lost on you to refer to Ariel as "The Great Creator" in the same comment that you accuse me of be obsequious towards the same individual.  Additionally, since (again) we're not getting paid, I'm not angling for a job and the primary metric for success on the site is number of hits - it seems like kissing Ariel's ass would be completely pointless...  at least kissing El G's ass could lead to getting some action with one of his model ex-girlfriends (although a great deal more unpalatable)!

Because there are no actual prizes, I didn't figure anyone would get too bent on either "winning" or "losing" - but maybe I was wrong.  With a little quick math, it looks like that even if all of my BrooBracket postings get 10,000 hits (which I will likely need a J&T endorsement to get) I'll still be well behind you... so it looks like even with "the crock" of my deathmatch tournament doing reasonably well, you'll still be the king of Broo.

In the end, I hope that you can just relax and enjoy reading this stuff because, quite frankly, it looks like you're the only one not having any fun.

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By Glenn T on March 24, 2008 at 03:28 pm

Ah, ok ... I was hoping so... glad to have you on-board with the madness :)

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By Jen on March 24, 2008 at 05:03 pm

Ariel...God.

God...Ariel.

Uma...Oprah.

Oprah...Uma.

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By V on March 25, 2008 at 12:28 am

Oh this seems fun. How do I play? Danny Trejo lives next door to me with Cash & Chico (or Cheeto - I alwys forget). He's nice.

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on March 30, 2008 at 02:34 pm
i was robbed!! i was in the ring against the ref and Nhemerson. i didnt have a chance. thats the fight game for ya. i dont take these things personal. this is all for fun. keep it up glenn!
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