Well, with apologies for the delay… the first round of the Broo Writers Deathmatch is in the books… with only a few upsets posted. Your Broo All-Stars are still very much alive and steamrolling towards the final four… There’s been some call for me to explain myself – as to just what exactly this is. And to that I say, I will do no such thing. On to the results:
Ed Attansio vs. Dr. Traci
It’s possible that Ed may finally meet his match in this tournament – but it wasn’t going to be in the first round. While an impressive opponent on paper – Dr. Traci’s CV just couldn’t stand up to Big Ed’s overwhelming Broo presence. A little quick math and Ed’s got more page hits than Dr. Traci has words published on Broo. In fairness, Dr. Traci has a wicked cool website and is probably a better life coach – but Ed’s blog offers tips on cheap rooms in Vegas. Who needs life coaching when you can go to Vegas for a weekend? That’s all the salvation you’ll ever need. It was close for a half – but it’s Ed Attansio off to the Sweet 16.
M.B. Dion vs. Charles Harmison
Ah, the age-old battle between Long Beach and San Francisco… er… okay, so maybe it’s not so epic – but here it really comes down to recent Broo involvement – where our beloved Mr. Harmison hasn’t published since last July, and M.B. has a piece in last month. Of course, Charles is still, with this nine (9) month sabbatical, ahead of me in page-views… but that in no way colors my judgment on this match. In the end, it’s about profile photos and one timeless axiom: never trust a man in a bow tie. M.B. Dion on into the sixteen as sweet as his neckwear.
D.E. Carson vs. Pleasure Palate
As always, the 4-5 matchup did not disappoint. D.E. Carson, man of the people up against one of only two Broo writers to be a “Featured Contributor.” D.E. listens to country music, right wing talk radio and the incessant whining of Hillary Clinton supporters (the last with a good bit of disdain, mind you). The only “right” thing about PP is the side of the brain she uses in her food adventures… My appetite is all about PP – but then I saw her website and remembered one very important rule: real men don’t eat quiche. The obvious corollary of which is: quiche doesn’t trade well in Deathmatches. D.E. Carson and his goatee are off to the second round.
Steven Lane vs. Gary Schwind
A surprisingly good matchup for a 7-2. Gary is hardly a shrinking violet or Cinderella story: a solid Broo presence, a blog with more crazy topics than a season of Jerry Springer, and one seriously bitchin’ college football obsession (which I can completely relate with). But this is Steven Lane we’re talking about here. He’s produced more installments of the Howling than I have good friends… and is MySpace friends with Danny Trejo and Rob Zombie – which may be the greatest drinking trio ever. Sorry Gar, you just ran into the buzzsaw on this one. Steven Lane rolls easily… but don’t worry Gary, your Buckeyes just landed the number one HS football recruit… again.
Nhemerson vs Mean Mike Duffau
This one just eats me up… Mean Mike is just one of my favorite writers on Broo – and just about one of the most solid cats here. N is the flagship for Broo Portland – which is a place that could use a little culture. Not quite sure how being a number one seed qualifies N as a “Cinderella” story – but he at least took the time to weigh in on his chances… and Mean Mike has been as quiet as the theater at the end of Million Dollar Baby… the squeaky author gets the greasy win. Nhemerson on to Round 2; still love ya MM!
Ariel vs Althea
This is a little like going up just before the birthday boy to try and bash the piñata… there’s no way you’re getting anywhere near that thing. Ariel, lord and master of all things Broo; he needs little introduction – and will consequently get none here. Althea on the other hand is an author that I didn’t even know before I started this insanity. Turns out she’s got just about the coolest list of music and movies of any Broo author – which she has painstakingly reproduced on her MySpace page (where you can also, consequently, find out that she’s a Scorpio – rawr!). Good news Althea, you’ve got a new reader. Bad news: I know better than to throw rocks at the bear… especially when the bear controls my writing privileges. Ariel moves on to the sixteen in a surprisingly close match.
El G vs. DigiDave
Wow. Talk about your battle of ideals. Or rather, a battle of ideals versus no identifiable ideals. I kid, I kid. It’s hard to imagine what Broo would be like without El G – no other author is the yang to so many of our yins… And DigiDave, stepping up as the new Chief Editor – has had just about the biggest impact as anyone since taking the new assignment. I’m certain it’s a bit like herding cats – trying to keep a handle on all of us. But, thanks to his latest comment on Ava Marie’s new fashion article, it looks like El G has Dave and I beat in one very important category, bedding models. El G – off to the second round… and hopefully bringing his model “friends” with him.
I wisdom vs Glenn T
I know what you’re thinking: how can I possibly be objective about myself? And to that I say: who say’s I’m being objective? I wisdom, the flagship for Broo Atlanta, and a charming new writer… and then there’s me – an emotional maelstrom who periodically turns out something only marginally less readable than the brilliant top authors who regularly troll the pages here. It’s peace and love versus Haddaway’s “What is Love?”; it’s positive energy versus positively insane; it’s friendly versus friendless. But it really comes down to misspelling “dissertation” – which thanks to Firefox, is something I’ll never do. I’m putting my crazy, undeserving ass through to Round 2… if for no other reason than simply to give El G something fun to beat on.
Okay folks… that’s the first half of the first round… and the second half is well on its way (thanks, Ed for making sure I’m relatively timely with these). Stay tuned (later today) for the rest of the first round results… including our first number one seed to exit the tourney…
The updated brackets are available here:
Where you can still make predictions and print it out if you like...
REMEMBER, keep it clean folks, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... and then it's only fun for El G.