Picture this: You're at a party. You see a guy (or gal) across the room. He (or she) is attractive, confident, and he seems kind. You find out this person is single. Fast forward two-and-a-half years, and you're on your honeymoon in Hawaii, enjoying clear waves, warm sand, a luau in Maui, and the best of a tropical vacation. It sounds nice, doesn't it?
While real life doesn't often work out like a romantic comedy, there is a key ingredient in this scenario that you couldn't succeed without: confidence.
So what if you see an attractive person? You likely noticed the person because of his or her confidence. In order to have the courage to introduce yourself and kindle that mutual spark, you'll need to have some confidence of your own.
While confidence can come down to something simple, like wearing red, can also cultivate it with these steps:
- Shut up your inner critic.
- Do some things that scare you.
- Take good care of yourself. (Sound familiar?)
- Affirm yourself daily.
When you start to become more confident, you naturally become irresistible. Both men and women find confidence attractive, so the power to be yourself, and to let yourself shine, is important in winning a mate.
You Should Be Real
Being irresistible is less about your appearance and more about your openness.
When you're real with a person, you become more attractive. A lot of us might joke about wanting a hot date, but, ultimately, we’re all looking for a good listener, someone who's willing to connect with us.
You can cultivate being real with these steps:
- Learn to stop judging.
- Stay in the moment.
- Ask real questions.
- Watch for nonverbal cues.
- Never fake it.
You might strong opinions about people who are into anime, but don't get your frown face on when your date confesses a love of Japanese animation. This is a real person whom you're still attracted. Maybe you're wrong about anime. Maybe you're not wrong at all — but you can still respect his or her interest and not judge it.
On a first date, you might be tempted to show off and talk a lot, but you should also show your listening skills. Shift the focus from yourself to your date — and if the other person is a good date, he or she will do the same.
You should also never be fake with a partner. Most people would be floored if you surprised them bounce house rentals or a weekend of playing all their favorite arcade games in the living room. If you're into arcade games, then you'd have a blast playing PacMan alongside your partner, but don't fake it. If you don't quite understand the arcade game scene, that's okay. The gesture will still be appreciated, maybe even more, since you're showing your partner you care about his or her separate interests.
On the other hand, never lie to a person about what you like. Do you really love theatre, or Call of Duty, or sports football? Awesome! You and your future partner have a lifetime of cheering and combating ahead of you. On the other hand, do you only claim to love those things in order to attract someone to you? Imagine how disappointed you found out your partner was only pretending to love knitting just because you did. It's a two-way street, and you should never give a false impression of what you're into. Be you. You don't need to fake things to win someone’s affection.