Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Wilmington NC To Be The Next Hollywood?


North Carolna Officials are laboring under the misconception that Wilmington NC offers the film and television industry a great place to shoot. But is it a great place to live?

Well, the news here in North Carolina is that Wilmington is about to be the next Hollywood, only with state liquor stores, tens of thousands of devout Baptists and a series of social institutions right out of the middle ages. There is a language barrier as most folks in Wilmington speak Southern and only use English as a second Language.

There no doubt are some advantages to being on the opposite end of Interstate 40 but frankly, it doesn’t appear the powers that be in La La land have given this enough serious thought. To be polite, the benefits of filming in Wilmington, N.C. simply can’t outweigh the idiosyncrasies of Southern Gentility.

For starters, although there are at least four generations separating the average southerner from the Civil War, emotions still run high, which may indicate that hatred of Yankees, is in fact, genetic. And lest there be any confusion, anyone not born within 15 miles of Wilmington is classified as a Yankee. Although several well connected individuals from Raleigh have made the difficult transition into Wilmington society, people in Wilmington don’t care much for each other so outsiders don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of assimilating into "polite society".

Most people favor making possession of Marijuana a capital offense and the mayor is leading a campaign to re-introduce flogging and amputation of limbs for various minor offenses.

Anyone not in church on Sunday is automatically a heathen and destined to spend eternity in the fires of damnation aka hell. Some Theologians speculate Hell may be in Burgaw about 20 miles west of Wilmington, but this is idle gossip and most folks point north anytime hell is mentioned.

Last year, a student at the University of North Carolina Wilmington (UNCW) was killed by New Hanover Deputies when the student answered his door armed with a video game controller. Can’t fault the deputies though, as they had no way of knowing it was a video game controller… they shot the kid through the door. It was the second or third time the deputy involved had fired his weapon, which no one seemed to be concerned about it though.

Then there’s the quaint laws unique to North Carolina. A personal favorite of the local constabulary is an archaic piece of common law called contributory negligence. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you’re a Yankee and driving your new Volvo down the street in Wilmington. Suddenly, you get T-boned by a local citizen attempting a left turn out of a parking lot. Anywhere else, the local driver is cited and that’s it. But in Wilmington, the investigating police officer will immediately assign partial blame to you because you’re from out of town.

The officer will cleverly disguise this by assigning a numerical code to the accident report , safe in the knowledge that you have no idea what happened and that he will never have to defend this. In fact, you probably won’t know what happened until months later when your insurance company announces that you were partially at fault in the accident. Now this is where it gets tricky. Unlike in the civilized world, North Carolina’s Contributory Negligence law says everyone pays their own damages when both drivers are at fault. Officials in North Carolina seem to take a morbid pleasure in pointing out that even if you are 1% at fault, you must pay ALL your own damages. Continuing the above example, you pay for ALL the damages to your Volvo and the local citizen pays their damages. In most cases, the victim ends up paying the lions share of the damages. It’s called southern hospitality. In defense of the North Carolina Legislators, they get big bucks from the Trial Lawyers Association and the Insurance industry to keep this law on the books. It's been declared unconstutional everywhere else. Did I mention North Caorlina has North Carolina judges?

A while back (2002), a black woman ran for mayor of Wilimington. That didn’t sit well with the locals so they assigned a deputy to watch the candidate and every time she came out of a restaurant and got in her car, she was stopped and given a Breathalyzer test.

Without an ongoing beach replenishment project to deposit large amounts of sand on a constantly eroding shoreline, Wrightsville Beach would have ceased to exist. The project is funded by both the federal and state government with some of the work carried out by the Army Corp of Engineers. This is mentioned only because people going to Wrightsville Beach are charged $1.25 an hour to park anywhere close to the beach. It’s not that the folks at Wrightsville need the money, they just don’t want tourists/Yankees on their federally subsidized beach

Another favorite ploy of local law enforcement: violation of the open container law. In polite society, one does not imbibe spirituous drink and walking in public with said drink will get you a ticket for violating the open container law. Lest you trivialize this as well you might, the local police have undercover officers who work the downtown streets to arrest violators of this law. FYI: if you are carrying a cup that at one time contained an alcoholic beverage and now contains only ice, you will still be arrested as there are traces of the original drink in the cup. Wilmington Police officers love these kind of arrests… remember, these folks don’t like Yankees and screwing with out-of-towners is viewed as a hobby.

One other issue that bears mention: homosexuals are officially referred to as "unrepentant" and under the doctrines of the three major religions in the south (Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian) homosexuals are consigned to the eternal fires of hell. Not satisfied with the homosexual’s lot in eternity, most good Christians in the south believe it is their Christian duty to antagonize and badger homosexuals right here on earth.

In short, Wilmington is a typical southern town that tolerates outsiders only as a necessary evil whose sole purpose is injecting capital into the local economy. It would be a mistake to think an outsider could actually live in, and raise a family in Wilmington. Your kid will never make the sports team, never make the cheerleading squad and never get into National Honor Society. You will never be asked to join the local country club so buy a house on a golf course. You want to sit up front in church on Sunday, give more money. Yep, it’s that kind of place.

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SanityCheck2 is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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9 comments on Wilmington NC To Be The Next Hollywood?

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By nonsense on January 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm

This guy is out of his mind.  I am from NY and have lived just outside Wilmington for some time now.  I have always been treated with kindness in this fair city.  My friend and her family have lived in Wilmington for over 10 years and are from Boston.  So, your story about discrimination against Yankees, or anyone else for that matter, is based on your hallucinations.

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By blahh on April 15, 2009 at 01:40 pm

I'm a student at UNCW and not a single thing you said is true. Have you ever even been to Wilmington? It's the least racist, least religious, most tolerant city in NC, possibly in the entire south! Half the people I go to school with are atheists and no one really cares. As far as Wilmington people only speaking "southern"... that's complete BS. Sure, there a few rednecks, but that's to be expected in the south. 98% of citizens are either upper class business type or artsy beachbums. Wilmington is well-known for being very gay-friendly, with gay bars and everything. As far as marijuana goes... dude. It's illegal practically everywhere in America. Half the people in Wlimington are potheads anyway, Wlmington has a large hippy/counterculture collective. Don't be mad that you can't get high because of FEDERAL laws and blame it on southerners hating yankees. Oh, and btw, no one even uses the word yankee in Wilmington! Do you realize how many northerners come here to visit the sites, see the film studios, stay at the beach, and go to college? All you're doing is spouting off a bunch of prejudiced southern stereotypes. Besides, Wilmington is a HUGE city. We don't have town meetings discussing "those cotton picking northerners stealing our land!" There are 100,000 people here, too many to know who is a native and who isn't, and no one really gives a damn anyway. Tons of celebrities live here, celberities that are *gasp* not from the south! Everything else you said I'm not even going to justify with a rebuttle on the shere grounds that not only are your insults nonsensical, they just sound ridiculous reading them. People like you ruin Broowaha by posting rants and personal vendettas rather than the truth. The sad thing is, everyone here would have been super nice to you, but your ignorance and prejudice prevent that. And if you have been here and no one was nice to you, well chances are your ignorance and prejudice did prevent that.

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By haaaay78 on May 04, 2009 at 12:20 am

HAHA you MUST be joking.  The majority of Wilmington is artistic, open minded, and incredibly friendly.  About the out of towners and yankee comments, guess what, most people from Wilmington are from the north!  Blahh said it all perfectly.

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By AndiMaria2 on November 08, 2009 at 10:49 am

The author of this article is a bigger bigot than anyone you will ever find in the south. How about we stereotype just LITTLE bit more?? This couldn't be a more inaccurate description of Wilmington. It is artsy, open-minded, friendly, and an overall fun place to be. This guy is a moron. Simply put.

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By Lady D on November 08, 2009 at 11:41 am

I just read this writers profile and it says "bitch about everything." So there you go.

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By dylbert on January 22, 2010 at 01:30 pm

Wow, I always felt like Wilmington was a little more progressive than most NC cities. I think he must have had a bad experience there, which isn't surprizing if his talking is anything like his writing.

And seeing how he sees fit to capitalize the word Yankees, he must surely be talking about the NY baseball team, in which case he is correct, we do all hate the NY Yankees and it is in fact genetic.

Oh and to blahh, while i agree with your rant in general Wilmington is not a HUGE city.

And for the record fucking with tourists is in fact "a hobby"

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By Darthmall202 on March 31, 2010 at 10:00 am

I actually thing it's quite funny. The writer takes some things that DO happen in our fair town, and puts a comedic spin on it. I am a christian, I am not racist, I don't hate yankees, seeing as i moved here from NY when i was 6. There are a lot of "southern" people as the writer called them, but most live outside city limits. There are plenty of us, i can assure you that. People from the west, the north, the south, the central states, there are people from everywhere here! Maybe we do give tourists crap, it's not because we hate them, it's because we think it's hilarious when they gather around the fountain downtown to take pictures, while we drive by laughing. It's funny! Every town has flaws, many flaws, take a minute to laugh about them.

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By violette on May 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm

I must extend a huge "thank you" to everyone who contributed a comment. We are considering moving to Wilmington & this post would have discouraged me (more than a bit!), had no one else bothered a rebuttle. :)

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By patmurrz on December 17, 2011 at 01:10 pm

go fuck your self wilmington is an amazing place to live the girl to guy ratio is insane gorgeous girls are everywhere and for the christian part north carolina might be in the bible belt but wilmington is the devils playground. nightlife is unreal, and the beach has crystal clear water and insane bars with some of the hottest girls youve ever seen aannnnd its cheap as hell i can go out on a thursday night spend ten dollars and have the time of my life. ohh and for film you really have no clue what your talking about filming for iron man 3 starts in march so why dont you go swallow a bullet you yankee fuckin bastard if you ever come down here exspect an ass beatin

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