I’d love to make a joke about the Democratic debates taking place in Las Vegas tonight, something witty, about politicians cheating us the way casinos do, or some shitty comparison of the race to the White House to a game of roulette, but I can’t. The fact of the matter is that Las Vegas is all too perfect of a location to host a political debate of any sort, let alone the Democrats. The mere thought of a political debate in Las Vegas brings about a nightmareish picture straight out of the mind of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Visions of reptiles in suits selling their promise of change to a society of losers who just continue to throw money at them. It’s the only place in this world that simultaneously embraces its losers, while simultaneously stripping them of any dignity, the same way a precocious youth may trap a spider in a jar and let them run around, only to take it out and pull its legs off one by one with a pair of tweezers, occasionally stopping to watch it scramble on four legs, then three, then two, etc…
It’s the ideal location for the Democratic candidates to fling shit around and jack off on stage like a bunch of starved monkeys in a debate which is being touted by MSNBC as “The Fight of Their (the candidates) Lives”, along with a cheesy graphic of a boxing ring. Shit, you could almost half expect some good old fashioned hand to hand violence to take place, I’m sure it’d be great for ratings, and after CNN’s embarrassing YouTube debates, MSNBC no doubt wants to obtain maximum viewership. Not only would the public get to see the other candidates cry (which America apparently likes), as they are pummeled by their opponents, but they’d also get to see them bleed (I hope), and lord knows how much us Americans like to see someone bleed for a cause.
Not to mention the level of mudslinging taking place between the Democrats. Obama calls Clinton a racist because she said something true, (that while Martin Luther King bought civil rights to the steps of Washington D.C., President Johnson was the one who was able to take those ideas and put them into legislation) while Clinton brings up Obama’s former cocaine use, as if he’s running around blowin lines and flashing his crotch in public like Lindsay fucking Lohan. All the while, Edwards manages to say something about both of them, but since the media is barely paying attention to him, no one really cares what he has to say either. But I digress, I doubt there will be any boxing, MSNBC has not reached that low (yet). However they are guilty of another form of fuckery.
That’s right, I’m talking about MSNBC inviting, and then uninviting Democratic candidate Dennis Kucinich to the debates. For those of you who live under a rock, or those who only know the candidates that the media told you about, Dennis Kucinich is a Democratic senator from Ohio’s 10th district. He has great ideas, and a strong following, and I honestly believe that he would make the effort to accomplish what he says he wants to accomplish, except for the not so small fact that he has only obtained about 4% of the vote in the primaries thus far.
This is not the first time Kucinich has been shafted for a spot in a debate, earlier this month ABC chose not to invite him to their New Hampshire debates. Before NBC changed their criteria on January 10, Kucinich was slated to appear at the debates in Las Vegas. However, after the resignations of senators Biden and Dodd, and governor Bill Richardson, NBC decided that they would limit the number of candidates to three, the three of course being senators Clinton, Edwards and Obama, the only Democratic candidates the media seems to want to inform the public about (and barely that in the case of Edwards). After their decision to shrink the number of participants, they notified senator Kucinich that he was not needed, despite the fact that he was a legitimate candidate (at least in every other state but Texas, who is not allowing him on the ballot, but he’s appealing that.).
Seeing the decision to uninvite him for what it was (bullshit), Kucinich took NBC to court in the state of Nevada, where a judge ruled that NBC had to let Kucinich participate. NBC, media conglomerate that they are, appealed the decision, and won, proving that it really doesn’t matter what Americans want, we’re going to vote for whoever we’re told to vote for, mainly because we’re too fucking lazy to do the work ourselves, and we rely on he media to do the work for us.
Now I’m not saying that had Kucinich been allowed to participate in this debate, his ratings would have skyrocketed. I had already watched him maim the other candidates in other debates, with his directly calling out the other candidates on their bullshit, and his willingness to keep talking facts despite the fact that there was a buzzer telling him to shut up. He didn’t get popular after that, and he wasn’t now. However, that should not have prevented him from being allowed to participate in these debates. His campaign war chest is a fraction of the other candidates, so what? He only obtained has 3-4% of the votes in the last two primaries, so fucking what? He still entitled to an audience and people will vote for him. However, NBC decided that it is their journalistic choice to choose who to allow and not allow to their party and this time, they felt Kucinich was vestigial. Kucinich was a loser, and Las Vegas was done breaking him.
However, there are two types of losers; those who know they are losers, yet keep going on, just because they don’t care, and those losers who actually convince themselves that they have a chance. Of these two, Kucinich is the former, and I respect him for that. He knows where he stands with the public, he knows where he stands amongst the other candidates, and he knows how not seriously he is taken, except for the few who have faith in him. But he perseveres, because he can, because he doesn’t care. I can only hope that the strong underground following that he has comes out in support of him (I doubt it personally, since I can’t find one fucking person who will admit that they support him), he deserves it, because in my opinion, he the one that’s fought the most for this position, even if he doesn’t win it.
Edwards on the other hand, is the latter, a loser who has no idea how deep in the shit he is in. He honestly believes that he has a chance. He honestly thinks that he may be able to sway some voters his way through his appearance in this debate, despite the fact that he is completely irrelevant in the eyes of the media when compared to senators Obama, or Clinton. One has to have a sort of sympathy for Edwards after these debates. He seemed like one of those people who walks into a glass door pushing angrily only to realize twenty minutes later that the small sticker on the door said “Pull”.
It started out bad for Edwards, with Hillary mentioning his being “born a mill worker’s son” before he even got a chance to speak. I guess she wanted to get it out of the way before he got to mention it at least four more times during the debate (which he managed to do anyway.). Not to mention the fact that of all the questions asked during the debate, about two directly addressed senator Edwards. Basically, the audience was privy to shots of him nodding his head and laughing as the candidates who were actually being asked questions spoke. However, I’ll be damned if I didn’t mention the one point that Edwards mentioned that made me do a double take: of all the candidates (that appeared in the debates) He was the only one not to receive donations from lobbyists, specifically the pharmaceutical lobby. It was a valiant effort by Edwards, with his perfectly combed hair, however he came off as a person who realizes that they are buried alive, they claw at the lid of the casket, even though they know in their heart that they are fucked. He attempts to play the “straight talker” of the group, but winds up falling flat on his ever so perfect smile.
The three candidates took center stage, Clinton sitting between Obama and Edwards, an asexual sandwich. The kind of sandwich that you find in the back of the fridge, stinking up the whole place. The debate was pretty much focused on senators Clinton and Obama. They were both asked a majority of the questions, presumably since they are the only two Democratic candidates that the media won’t shut the fuck up about. Strangely enough however, they actually spoke about each other as colleagues working towards the same goals, sometimes they even mentioned senator Edwards. Clinton and Obama seemed to agree with each other on all the points mentioned.
If one were able to obtain a pair of those special sunglasses from that movie They Live, they would no doubt see that senator Clinton is in fact an alien. She sat like a pod person, a crude smirk on her face seeming to say “Haha you fucks, you have no idea the invasion is on its way, we will kill you all, and eat your babies.”. She makes the effort to appear human however, appearing on the Tyra Banks show, where she spoke not about her political platform, but what reality show she would like to be on (I’m sure she lost a few votes when she said “Dancing With The Stars”). I suppose by the end of the debates, she came out on top. I’d hardly call it a victory, she didn’t really prove herself or set herself apart from the other candidates, she was just asked more questions than the others were.
Obama’s performance was fairly forgettable. The smooth talking, tall, dark, and large headed candidate put on a weak show. Between his stuttering, his apologetic tone (he let his staffers take the blame for the accusatory remarks against Clinton), and that one shot that the producers kept going to that made his ears look big, I have to say I can understand why Clinton took Michigan last night in the primaries, leaving a majority of the democratic vote, “undecided”
All the shit-slinging between the Democrats seemed to stop during these debates, which made them pretty boring. Indeed, they stroked each other with the gentle hands of a $200 hooker. The most mind-numbing part of the debate, without a doubt was when each candidate was asked what his or her main strength and weaknesses were. We’ve all had to answer this question at job interviews, and we all know that it’s a bullshit question, mainly because it relies on you to tell the truth about yourself.
Senator Obama said that his strength lied in his ability to bring people together, which must explain his victories in New Hampshire and Michigan. His weakness? His staff of course, the zealous minions of his that are responsible for accusing Clinton of making racially charged remarks, or putting too many papers on his desk. For senator Edwards, his greatest strength is that he is a fighter (he’s the son of a mill worker, you know?). His weakness is just that sometimes he gets too passionate about his ideals and this clouds his judgment….er, somehow. And finally, with regards to senator Clinton, her strength is apparently that she feels passionately about this country (I guess it’s a good thing she’s running for president then…Wait a sec, I’m thinking of another leader who was passionate about his country…hmm…who am I talking about? Oh right, Hitler.) Her self admitted weakness? She’s too pushy sometimes (still sounds like Hitler to me.).
The Las Vegas debates were remarkably un-Las Vegas. No tits. No drunks in the crowd. Not even a big wheel of socioeconomic topics for the candidates to spin. The crowd were like tamed animals sitting in complete silence, like shell shocked trauma victims. It was as if someone gathered up all the slot jockeys and took them away from their games and told them that they’d be given free alcohol as long as they sit down and shut the fuck up. These debates were completely pointless. It was a dull debate chocked full of dull candidates. Nobody came out seemingly on top.
It was just another media lovefest for the two democratic candidates that they have been fellating the entire time. I’m sure that tomorrow the media will be talking about the strong performances by Clinton and Obama, without really talking about what was strong about them. Was anything lost? No. Was anything new learned about the candidates? Nope. Like the way so many stories end in Vegas, nobody won. None of the candidates won, Dennis Kucinich did not win. The viewers did not win. We have convinced politicians and corporations what they have known all along, that we are losers, and we will hang on their every word. They are the casino owners who say with a smile on their face “Come on in, there’s free booze, and the air is nice.”.
All in all, I sort of wish that the GOP debates had been held in Vegas. That would have been some cutthroat shit. It would be ruthless I’m sure. I’m not going to vote for any of those bastards, but it would have been interesting to see those fuckers go for the jugular, which they no doubt would. Instead their debate will be held in Florida, home of Disneyland, which fits I suppose, since three of the five Republican candidates believe in a fairy tale.