Friday, September 21, 2018

One Dps To Go

by D. E. Carson (writer), , January 08, 2008

Breaking News interrupts another political examination of Her Majesty, Shrillary Rotten Clinton

I was going to recite a list of Johnny Carson-esque jokes about Her Majesty Senator Clinton’s public display of emotion today, but as I began to write, I was suddenly knocked for a tangent. The DPS I (aka the 2008 Golden Globe Awards dinner sponsored by the Hollywood Foreign Press) has been cancelled due to the WGA strike. Looks like LA’s homeless won’t be dining at the Beverly Hilton Dumpster this year.

Nikki Blonski, who was nominated for her role in the movie Hairspray, was shown on Entertainment Tonight whining about how she’s not going to get to be at the Golden Globes and how it’s been a dream all her life. All I can say is, “Nikki, must suck to be you!” At which time I held up my thumb and forefinger as the world’s smallest violin playing Bleeding Hearts just for her. Then Amy Adams of the movie Enchanted said, “I won’t be going. I won’t cross a picket line.”

The only good thing about the Golden Globes being canned is that it’s one less night I have to endure wise cracks and stupid moronic comments bashing Bush, the war in Iraq and global warming. All that would make for the best year ever would be for that other dog and pony show, the Academy Awards, to be cancelled. There’s another liberal Hollywood cry-fest without which the world would be so much better off. I hear that Jack Nicholson has a clause in his front row reservation contract that allows him to get a refund on his seat deposit if the show doesn’t go on.

The whole reason for the cancellation of the Golden Globes is because actors are claiming some sort of solidarity with writers. I recently blasted the Writer’s Guild of America as being a bunch of thumb-sucking crybabies for being on strike in the first place because they have consistently churned out more and more garbage with less and less real content. The last time I got excited about a television show was between 1979 and 1986 when The Dukes of Hazzard was on CBS’s Friday night schedule. As with all good shows, TDOH “jumped the shark” when the two stars of the show, John Schneider and Tom Wopat left the show in protest over – what else, money – and Lou Step Productions and Warner Brothers Television replaced Schneider and Wopat with two unreasonable facsimiles claiming them to be additional and heretofore unheard of cousins. Of course Schneider, Wopat, Warner Brothers and Lou Step Productions came to an agreement and the two faux Dukes were rather hurriedly and thankfully excommunicated from Hazzard County, Georgia with no hope of returning at any point for any reason. Even still, the show had decent plot lines and didn’t ooze sexual situations or drug and alcohol use (albeit moonshine and bootlegging was part of the central theme of the show) like most of today’s garbage.

The final straw came during the 1986 season when the stunts involving the jumping of the General Lee became more intricate and began using models. At that point, even I had to agree that the show had run its course and it was time to put the General Lee into storage and let Bo and Luke get off the farm. Sadly, in the 22 years since TDOH went off the air, the WGA has consistently failed to produce anything worthwhile. One reader actually commented that s/he believed a dozen monkeys with typewriters could manage better material. I’m not so sure that reader isn’t on to something and that the monkeys could probably do a better job.

With the WGA on strike, it seems like America is doomed to more and more reality TV – shows bent on bringing viewers the best of the worst, the cream of the crap in regular people. I can’t feel sorry for Miss Blonsky or Ms. Adams. Frankly, I don’t care if either of them wins anything and as far as both of them being cancelled, I couldn’t care less if I tried. They are both dog and pony shows and they are both about as worthless as a brush guard on a Hummer in Los Angeles. Both are pulpits for liberal, Holly-weird wackos and neither are that entertaining. To not have to endure either of them is a blessing that shall be welcomed and reveled for the whole of 2008.

Now, where in the hell did I put my remote?

About the Writer

D. E. Carson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on One Dps To Go

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By Ron on January 08, 2008 at 07:52 pm
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By D. E. Carson on January 09, 2008 at 01:38 am

So THAT'S what they're for!

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