REAL STORIES
BY REAL PEOPLE Search
Monday, October 23, 2017

Letters From The Lovelorn

by Keely (writer), San Pedro, January 05, 2008

gay , sex

Petition Trader Joe's Now!

Dear Trader Joe's, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your consistently excellent selection of wines in the $5-$10 range. The one thing I would ask is that you consider making an affordable selection of half-bottles available, for those of us who are single and end up polishing off an entire bottle every time we come home from your store, because we were taught to waste not want not.

This unfortunately has turned into waist not, want knot for me and many other of your single shoppers, but the possibility of tying the knot recedes ever more, as our bulging waistlines make it much more difficult to meet our match beneath the Hawaiian sea salt chips and dips. Indeed, the 750ml bottle only policy also impedes our chances, for it is a fact that when the opposite sex sees those big bottles in our carts, they immediately (possibly as a result of a Learning Annex course) assume we will sip it with a significant other.

I predict that if you introduced reasonably priced half-bottles, Trader Joe's would become renowned not only for good victuals, but as a place to meet the gourmand of your dreams. The half-bottle in the cart would become to heterosexuals what the bandana in the back pocket is to our gay brethern; indeed, they too might purchase half-bottles on days when they do not have a bandana handy. Please, TJ's take heed; for there is truly a need. Yours sincerely, Single and Thirsty in San Pedro



About the Writer

Keely is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

11 comments on Letters From The Lovelorn

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Jen on January 05, 2008 at 05:05 pm
Very funny...though I'm gonna stick to polishing off the whole bottle and to hell with my wasitline (and that knot)! Nice first article! Welcome to the broo.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 4
By Steven Lane on January 06, 2008 at 12:25 am
I drank my share of two buck chuck, but I bought it by the case, lol. 1/2 bottles? That's like buying one beer, what in the world do you do with one beer. They come in 24 packs.............. and that's why I don't drink anymore. ack! Nice article. Welcome to the Broo.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 4
By Golie David on January 06, 2008 at 03:33 am

I don't think it's the wine bottles in your cart scaring away potential suitors so much as the three children that you have in tow. Few men these days feel much need to marry, and even fewer are willing to take on a ready-made family, no matter how adorable the kids in question may be.

While I commiserate with your plight, there is always a price to pay for choosing parenthood and that is that one's own desires must be secondary to that of the children, even in the case of one parent families. They deserve nothing less than competent parenting.

In light of the fact that Dad's not around to help, perhaps Mom should lay off the sauce and set a better example for her offspring, especially if they are girls. Otherwise they will grow up thinking that they are less-than if they don't have a man, and that drinking is an acceptable alternative to human interaction.

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Ivan Homeless on January 06, 2008 at 02:19 pm

Great article, I was just talking about this very thing - clearly you are a mind reader and wise beyond your years.  I hope you actually sent this to TJ's - they need to hear about this.  Welcome to the broo. 

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Kerry on January 06, 2008 at 03:58 pm
I also welcome you to Broo and compliment you on a nice article.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By billie on January 08, 2008 at 01:32 pm

Fantastically funny, well written and a great idea!  Trader Joe's marketing department should take heed.  Where's Golie David's humor?

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 5
By Keely on January 10, 2008 at 10:43 am

Thank you, TrooBroos, for the warm welcome, and for reading my piece. I'm enjoying reading all of yours, and look forward to reading more.

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Ishtarcelt on January 11, 2008 at 09:20 pm

I Think it's a good Idea - I have a wine-buyer friend who told me that there are champagne bottles that come in 500cl - just enough for 1 person. hard to get though. Can't remember what they're called - wineshop'd know.

Replying to 'Golie David' - generally one doesn't have ones offspring accompanying one in a wine-shop - scary! they could knock bottles over! 

They sell those small bottles in the supermarkets here in Ireland, but they are less than half - handy for filling a few from a bigger bottle for going out - you just buy 1 mini-bottle at the bar & then replace it surreptitously with one of your own from your bag..though I have a friend that orders blackcurrent and replaces it with wine.pubs are so dear, huge mark-ups

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Jen on January 22, 2008 at 04:18 am

Those champagne bottles would be called a "split" :)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Sharlene Hardin on February 29, 2008 at 11:42 am

How about wine with 1/2 the calories or maybe even a Diet Wine?  Because I think I would be more likely to buy a less caloric option than a 1/2 bottle size.  Good Article ~ WELCOME!

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By Credo on October 16, 2013 at 07:46 pm

Interesting, a little humorous, with a friendly bite.

:)Credo

 Report abuse



Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.


Rate This Article


Your vote matters to us



x


x