THE PRESIDENT MEETS THE ALIENS: RIGINAL.
Scene: A glittering silver saucer lands slap bang bump, in the middle of the White House back lawn. Burns a circular hole in the manicured lawn, upsetting Manuel the gardener. A White House armed guard rushes forward. Manuel gets there first on his dying ride-on mower, tells the occupants of the craft they have caused a mess and he runs off to dob them in to the President.
DT:" What on earth was that hum?"
M:" Humm, outer space beings Mr President!"
DT:" Outer space? There's plenty of parking out back Manuel...i'm busy."
M: "No no no senor President these many men are little and they want me to take them to my leader!"
DT:"Well done Manuel,yes,yes, that would be me. Must put on a good face, can't let my guard down."
M:" The guard is already down sir. He frozen like by mental telephony!"
DT:"Don't you mean mental telepathy my man?"
M:" No no no Sir, i say mental telephony. Guard 'Beefcake' George go mental on his telephony for ten seconds for back up but he fall on back, stand up, frozen back up. You must come quickly mower been sucked of powering sir!"
DT:" Look,i have things to sign, ring the mower man and make sure he's not a repair scammer. Get a quote over the phone. Make sure he rocks up on time, without rocks. Remember, no fancy over the top engine rebuilds. Or cheap 'no name' Chinese batteries. Must be at least made in America, preferably from a Detroit pawn shop, with a guarantee."
M:"Mr President not about confounded motor or battery."
DT:" Look get to the point, so far my guard is down, you have a immobile mower. These persons little, can't you handle this situation? Just go tell these little wide-eyed people from God knows where i am so so busy. Out of space out of damn time."
M:" They are so too sir. They are too so."
DT:" Ohh goodness, is it really that urgent i have to go personally? Why why why! I've seen these people before, they apparently went 'out' on the town and crashed for the night in Roswell of all the darn places with scant overnight lodgings. Is it really really necessary for me to personally intervene in this dispute over a non-functioning dead flat mower? Why would i,the most powerful man in the world deign to venture out? Give me one good reason. It's chilly out there."
M:" They burn a big round circle in your lawn Mr President!"
DT:" They damn well WHAT!"
M:" Burnee burnee hole sir, brown black round grassy ass circle...!"
DT:" We'll see about that sonny Jim Manuel! Listen,you stay here,sign this oil pipeline stuff and order; i don't know, umm, fifty million bricks give or take a few cracked ones, but make absolutely sure you get a price reduction on the cracks. Ring Putin and tell him i said hi and bye, tell him some little men from outer galaxia, Daft Vader simile, Milky Way, wherever, have burnt a damn hole in the lawn out back and could he stand by after "hi". I'll see to these meddlers. Not enough to leave their crinkly metal chip bag foil all round the place and burning holes in Roswell. Damn cheek! And don't try 'borrowing' my Presidential pen either...that was a special "hello there"gift from Mrs Clinton. And don't put your dirty grassy gumboots on my desk. I'm leaving you in charge,i'll be back when i've sorted this grassy burnout situation. And don't let your fingers wander into my chip delish dish. And DON'T touch the red button,i haven't worked it out yet. It may not have been plasticed here.Can you handle these simple tasks or not?"
M: (salutes his gumboots) "I, Manual Manuel solemnly declare and swear i will carry..."
DT:" No time for swearing in, do your best for America. Be fair, reasonable, no swearing.
The President strides out back to face the leader of the Aliens.
Alien Leader: (proffers a spindly hand) "Greetings earthling. We are from the other side."
DT: (rejects handshake) "Other SIDE, i'll kick your backsides! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY LAWN!"
NOTE: To be continued.......................I HAVE NO POLITICAL BENT OR INCLINATION IN AMERICAN POLITICS NOR AM I TRYING TO SOLICIT VOTES. I heard it's no use mowing the verbal voting grass again after the battery has bolted? :>)