Is there something wrong with being FEMALE, ATTRACTIVE, and SINGLE in today's society? As of late, I am beginning to feel as though being "appealing to the eye", or most recently referred to as "EYE CANDY" (to me, itâ€™s an unfortunate that this is how I am frequently referred to lately), is quickly becoming my downfall.
The unmitigated nerve of the men today to view a single woman who just happens to be engaging AND unattached as having something WRONG with her because she is not in a relationship is preposterous! Is it HER fault that there are more single available men in the world who happen to be let's just say, "not worthy of?" Let's face it, the pickings are slim!
Castigate me for wanting to "wait" until I meet a man who has his head AND his emotions in the right position at the same time. In my opinion, this is where juxtaposition is of the utmost importance.
This is the way I'm receiving what prospective beaus are telling me: If you're single, hardworking, ambitious and unattractive, then it's okay. But if you have all of the aforementioned qualities and just happen to be attractive, then it's an issue. Something MUST be wrong with the WOMAN who is single AND attractive. Tell me. What sense does THAT make? Attractive women have the right to be choosy don't they? Must they settle for the sake of "saving face", or adhering to a fallacy that men and women of ignorance have incorrectly created?
My friend John said to me a few weeks ago, "You're single and there is something wrong with that picture. But the responsibility lies more so on the shoulders of men than on the attractive single woman. He continued, "A woman like you should NEVER be single". There are men out here but there aren't enough good ones to choose from," He concluded. Well you know what? John was sooo right. Let me drop some knowledge on you regarding some of the remarks and the caliber of man that I meet on the regular. Maybe afterwards you'll see why I remain single.
A few months ago, I met a guy a few years younger than I whom outwardly gave the appearance of being someone that I thought I wanted to pursue me. After spending a few weeks with him I realized that he was trying to live up to MY expectation of the type of man that I wanted as opposed to being the type of man he KNEW he already was. He had a sex life that I couldn't see myself being into (although I am game to try anything ONCE), he didn't have his own apartment (even though he was well into his thirties), he hadn't had a steady job in a few months and he hadn't taken care of certain financial responsibilities that I knew an accountable man would have. When I told him that I wanted to end the relationship, his response was, "I see why you're single". I am not in the business to ego stroke so I took that remark with a grain, a tiny grain, a teeny weenie microscopic grain, of salt and moved on. Let me say this, I have been known to remain in relationships a little longer then I should so when I finally "step off", there is no reason for me to backtrack or second-guess my action. More importantly, if a man tells me that he is NOT interested, then I am quickly searching for my hat so that I can GET LOST!
Shortly thereafter, I met a man, closer to my age, who again outwardly gave the appearance of being someone that I wanted a relationship with and quickly bumrushed me by telling me that he wanted to marry me before even knowing WHO I was, how I lived, or anything concrete about me prior to making a serious decision like that. Further, and you can call me wrong, shallow, off the chain or however you want to describe me, I cannot for the life of me entertain a relationship with a man, ANY man who can't understand simple words when I relate them to him. If you read something that I've written, have to ask me to define every-other-word as I speak to you, can barely read a sentence without stopping to s-l-o-w-l-y pronounce each word that has more then three letters, then YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT THE MAN FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!
This summer I met a man (on a blind date no less) who told me that he wanted a woman who takes care of her body, has her head on right (although he never defined HIS definition of having her head on right), a woman who has ambition and wants something out of life (he never clarified this one either). At first site, this was the date from hell because THIS guy had a belly that looked like Santa Claus', his mouth looked so raggedy he obviously didn't even know what a dentist was, and he smelled like sleep! How could he tell me what he wants in a woman and not expect me to request that my guy equal his own demand?
Finally, I met a clever, gorgeously attractive, funny man. I thoroughly enjoyed being in his company. That is, when I was given the infrequent opportunity to barely SEE him. Each time we made plans for a date, he stood me up (this happened three times during various intervals until I realized I was being an idiot and stepped off). But then he'll call me at a later date, and tell me he fell asleep or some other nonsense. Once I hadn't heard from him all weekend, but I'm supposed to believe that this guy is interested AND unattached? Plaaeeze! Let me continue. So he asks me continuously, "Why are you by yourself?" He even told me that when a woman is single and attractive that there must be something wrong with her. Can you believe this madness?
When I told him I am alone because I am not willing to settle he then replies with, "Yeah, I know what you're gonna do. You're gonna get me to fall in love with you then you're going to treat me badly and then dump me". He continued with, "I am afraid of you but you're perfect for me." Later, and by his own admission, he told me that the problem (justifying why we weren't an item yet), rested entirely upon HIS shoulders. Okay, who has the baggage and dysfunction here?
Unless I am to have a relationship with myself what am I supposed to do BUT remain single? YOU, reading this, tell me what am I supposed to do at this point? Other than determine that these men are not for me and continually move on I am at a loss.
I tell ya, the men that I meet and the responses that I get from them makes me want to raise my hands to the heavens and just HOLLA!! Yet, I am blamed for the shortcomings of the very men that encourage me to remain footloose and fancy-free.
A relative said to me, "You should be able to have one really good relationship on this earth before you die." I agree with him wholeheartedly, but given the quality of men I meet when I DO meet them, being single doesn't seem that bad.
This is my disclosure: I brave to "tell" on the shameful men out there who fail to have their game tight when they meet a woman distinguishable from the rest. We exist, we yearn, we cry, we get lonely and we don't want to be single, but we are NOT willing to compromise for less than what we KNOW we deserve in a mate. We want a solid relationship just like anyone else. But we refuse to settle our moralistic values for the likes of a man who cannot handle or appreciate the strong and the uniquely small number of women who decidedly save themselves for a man, as rare as he may be, that is meritorious of our love, devotion and R-E-S-P-E-C-T. These women are few and far between but once a man has had the pleasure of an encounter with her, he will forever relish her essence and charm. These women are not easily forgotten!
Let me ever so brazenly "tell" the testosterone of America to "MAN UPâ€ and take a stand for your shortcomings. It 's time to stop blaming women because we have been forced to live our lives "on the solo tip" for years, due to negative or dysfunctional circumstances about YOU that YOU won't address, won't admit or refuse to see. By not being WHOLE men you oust the female's choice for a remote possibility of having a MAN'S MAN in her life.
I challenge you so called MEN to "TAKE BACK" your rank and stop compelling women to be more of a man as a WOMAN, than you'll EVER be as a MAN!
Now run tell dat!
WORLD - AN EDGE IN MY VOICE
Copyright © 2010 C.V. Harris
Writer's opinion about how difficult it is to find a mate when you're attractive, intelligent and independent.
Copyright © 2010 C.V. Harris
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