Thursday, July 19, 2018

Lynne Spears' Book on Parenting Pulled from Publication

by Shawn Norris (writer), Los Angeles, December 20, 2007


It was reported today that the mother of Britney Spears, Lynne Spears has had her new book "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World" pulled from a future publication.Thanks

It was reported today that the mother of Britney Spears, Lynne Spears has had her new book "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World" pulled from a future publication after her 16 year old daughter came out with the news that she was in fact pregnant. This on top of the news her older daughter Britney has missed numerous court appearances to help her retain custody of her two sons. Lynne Spears has no business giving advice to mothers when her own daughters have become two of the biggest train wrecks of pop culture humanity in the last decade.

I mean, when your older daughter is in a fight over custody to a douche bag like Kevin Federline and can‘t even sober up long enough to make it to court, that is truly the love of a responsible and loving mother. Especially considering when she started dating him, he already had two kids with an actress by the name of Shar Jackson and basically screwed her over. When K-Fed started dating Spears, the guy already had a kid and a GIRLFRIEND who was 6 months into pregnancy. He then broke up with Jackson and broke up a family to start dating the “Trash Master” Britney Spears. They met in a club and I guess the only way to describe their meeting would be like “A rich garbage man seeing a ratty old couch and for some reason falling in love with it and then ending up having to pay it thousands of dollars a month just so he could sit on it.”

So, Spear’s mom must have been psyched when the illiterate, high school drop-out, dirt cat, loser of human being K-Fed dropped his family and his pregnant girlfriend to start dating Britney, who was at that time a very hot, top of the world pop star who had everything in the world to lose. Lynne always supports her daughter. Gee, thanks mom for letting me get engaged after only three months with this revolting example of a human being. Way to let your daughter completely derail her life and career!

This guy’s nickname was “the dirt cat” for God’s sake! He guy dropped out of school in the ninth grade and judging by his rhyming skills on his shitty record, one can only assume he never took the SAT test and if he could have, he probably would have only gotten points for spelling his name right, but judging by his big ego and small brain, he probably would have put down K-Fed and thus become the first person in SAT history to get 0 out of 1600 points. And so far he’s been the responsible one!

The douche bag dresses like a circus clown from some color blind P.T. Barnum experiment, he sounds like he learned to speak English while watching Yo! MTV Raps (which is not to take anything away from Dr.Dre and Ed Lover) And I still firmly believe the man cannot read. If anyone in the world could be described as a “poser” this guy would be the poster child . In a magazine interview he says of Spears "I mean she's fucking proud of me. I could be sitting at home doing nothing…She's more proud of me than anyone has ever, ever, ever, ever been in my lifetime. Ever."

And so he sat at home and did nothing while his wife went out and started an impressive run that helped derail her once unsullied career. Only a damn lazy piece of shit loser would be happy to have someone be proud of them for sitting at home all day watching BET and squandering her hard earned money on things like stupid fedora hats and not anything related to bathing products or shaving accessories.

Then when he finally got off his ass and got into the recording studio things actually got worse. It takes a special human being in order to screw up a career by actually getting off the couch and doing something, but then again K-Fed is a very special person. And so when his album "Playing with Fire" dropped in 2006 it actually turned out to be the worst reviewed album in the history of recorded music. If they ever find a way to re-animate Thomas Edison in the future, I’m pretty sure that he would punch Federline in the face. I think everyone else just wished that when Kevin was younger, that he would have actually found a way to play with fire and somehow burned to death so that the world would have been out one more gold digging moron.

What a special man Lynne Spears must have thought this guy was to let her daughter marry such a wonderful waste of oxygen. And then to sit back and let the guy have two children with her obviously stressed out and screwed up daughter, probably will render her the title of a new K-Fed song “Worse Grandmama Eva!” Nice job Lynne! Way to not throw a life ring to your own offspring and drowning tramp. You should be teaching classes on how to raise kids!

I can’t stand this Federline guy anymore. I think the tabloids should start calling him “Special-Fed.” His next album could be called “Waiting for the Short Bus” and given his IQ and Brit’s piss poor decision making, I have an idea that this is exactly what their kids will be doing for the next few years. One of them is named Jayden Spears and we all know that kid has porn career written all over him with a name like that.

AND NOW there is the new report that Lynne Spear’s other daughter Jamie Lynn is pregnant at the ripe age of 16. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the trailer park down in Louisiana. The 16 year old actress is knocked up now from her boyfriend who is 18 and so the little Spears is showing shades of her older whore’s, I mean sister, insanely terrible decision making. Preggers at 16! Excellent parenting Lynne, you must be so proud. Your kids have grown up to have such phenomenal judgment skills and you must just be brimming with confidence that your grandbabies will grow up to be HUUUUGEEE reality show stars, which will really help pay the millions in psychiatry bills they are sure to incur.

So Lynne Spear, I’ve got a better idea than ever reading a book written by such a super mom such as yourself. Instead of buying a book on how to derail a top of the charts music career, support a daughter with an obvious drug and drinking habit, have retarded grandchildren and how to talk to a 16 year old about the wonders of the word “condom...” maybe I’ll just call the local TV station, go out and get a fifth of Old Crow Whiskey, buy an eight ball of coke, freebase the coke and put the whiskey into a syringe and mainline it into my eyeball while screwing a low life loser in the bathroom of some Hollywood club at any the youngest age possible while not using protection and simultaneously flushing my birth control pills down the toilet as my children are locked in the backseat of a Mercedes and knowing the entire world is watching my every move AND then having every conceivable news outlet report the story to me the next day because I was too fucked up to remember what happened.

At least doing that will save me a few hours of reading your obvious genius method of raising children. Thank you Lynne Spears for saving the current and future mothers of America and The World from turning their daughters into disastrous decision making, scantily clad, trampy wrecks of human beings from becoming grandmothers before their kids can even vote. We at the Blue Monkey Disco Party thank you for not revealing your secrets of parenting from every rearing their ugly head and plaguing a planet that already has enough problems to deal with.

more articles on a decaying world can be found at

About the Writer

Shawn Norris is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

9 comments on Lynne Spears' Book on Parenting Pulled from Publication

Log In To Vote   Score: 5
By Shawn Norris on December 21, 2007 at 01:23 am
i'd just like to say that i actually didn't think that this article would get published on broo. kudos to ariel for actually publishing such a nasty and vicious attack on the mother of a celeb train wreck. i wasn't sure, but this truely is a citizen journalism site. i may have taken more shots at kevin federline than anyone in media history (this may be the first and only time that a person will hear the name 2 pac and federline in the same sentence together) but i must say that the parents of "wild-violent" children need to be held accountable for their children's actions. we can no longer stand by and watch innocent people get shot at shopping malls, innocent teens read articles of thier favorite celebs get DUI's or 16 year old GIRLS getting pregnant. Somebody needs to step up and take repsonsibility for the fucking mess that is US Weekly. Teens and young adults read this bullshit voraciously and get the feeling that if they aren't popular or happy or they think they get made fun of too much, that it is all right to do whatever they deem fit to fix their problems. well, it's not. parents of america you need to take back control of your kids. stop letting things like tv and magazines lead to the outcome of your childs self worth. take the time to talk to your fucking kids! listen to their problems. SAVE LIVES! SAVE RESPECT! SAVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM DROWNING IN THE CESSPOOL OF IGNORANCE! And in the end, we will all be better off.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 4
By C.V. Harris on December 21, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Here, here! Well written and much to the point!! So THERE!
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 4
By Creedon on December 21, 2007 at 02:54 pm
Well I certainly agree with the sentiment of the article. I'm having a heck of a time with my 16 year old daughter. I can't break her of this slut. I tell her teachers don't blame me, I'm trying. Sometimes I'd like to stick her in a bag for the next ten years and then peek inside hoping that darling little girl she used to be is back.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 5
By Ivan Homeless on December 21, 2007 at 02:58 pm
You have my "crying the trailer park" blue eyeshadow all runny now with tears. Such vitriol, I love it.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Jen on December 21, 2007 at 03:18 pm
well...I just laughed my ass off.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Shawn Norris on December 21, 2007 at 08:23 pm
thanks for the comments everyone, i think hollywood is sending a poor image to the youth of today and i feel they are owed more than tabloid fodder and pics of their idols getting hammered all the time. but i can't figure out why i only get 3 reviews for every 100 hits. i'd write more here but i feel like people here don't really like or my articles. oh well, i am glad you guys enjoyed it.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: -1
By Aaron S. on December 23, 2007 at 07:18 pm
first i thought this was satire...and then i fell asleep.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Shawn Norris on December 24, 2007 at 12:24 am
we all can't write about our buddies "pimped out rooms" i guess...yawn.
 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By Kantanquer on January 14, 2008 at 03:32 pm

More time should be spent writing this way.  With TV on strike this is an excellent replacement!

 Report abuse

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us