A marriage or relationship can, at times, feel like it’ll last forever. You and your partner tell each other that you’re both madly in love, that you want to spend your lives together, you want to grow old together, and that you’ll never be separated. Sadly, we don’t live in a fairytale world where everything goes right.
Problems, no matter how big or small, will always creep up and affect our relationships with our loved ones. Our partner can turn from someone we can’t imagine living life without, to someone we wish we had never met in the first place. During a breakup or divorce, emotions can be volatile and lead you to some very depressing feelings. One moment you might feel anger, another you will feel anxious, and most of the time you’ll be confused.
But how do we end up in these situations? What possess us to change our opinion about a significant other or partner, and how does it manage to turn from a dreamy relationship to a hellish nightmare? Continue reading as we dive into the dark side of relationships to explore the reasons that couples break up, and how to avoid getting into that situation in the first place.
A marriage too soon
Many couples get way ahead of themselves when it comes to a relationship. One of the most common reasons for a divorce is simply because a couple wasn’t right for each other. Emotions can be all over the place during the weeks leading up to the wedding, and some people just can’t muster up the courage to back out after everything has been planned and the big day is looming.
The most important thing to consider before marriage is: “can I see myself spending the rest of my life with my partner?”. More often than not, the first couple of months together with your partner can feel like the most wonderful thing ever. Those feelings carry over and tend to overwrite the bad times, and over the course of a couple of years we can get fooled into thinking that our partner is someone they aren’t.
It’s crucial that you never think too highly of your partner. Always criticise the things they do if you have to, and never treat them differently even if they are your partner. Questionable acts from your partner will always be a red flag—don’t blind or fool yourself into thinking otherwise. Chances are your partner and you aren’t the perfect couple that you imagined you would be, and you need to wake up from your dream before it turns into a nightmare.
Dealing with children
Some couples divorce because they aren’t ready to have children yet. It could be the result of unprotected sex or perhaps something more worrying like an act of infidelity, but the presence of a child in the woman’s womb is a frightening idea that not everyone appreciates. The thought of bringing a new life into the world and watching them grow is scary for many people—they just aren’t prepared for the responsibility.
However the child was conceived, the idea of a newborn can bring an otherwise happy relationship to a screeching halt. You and your partner need to communicate and take responsibility for the newborn that you’ve brought into the world. Sadly, when couples start to request a maternity or paternity test to prove the child is theirs, then something has gone terribly wrong with the relationship and it’s going to take a lot of trust-building and hard work to salvage it.
Being cheated on
There’s no getting around this. Cheating, no matter the circumstances or reasons, is an unfaithful act that leads to breakups and divorces all the time. The truth is, we can’t always keep an eye on our partners; that “business trip” or “night out with friends” could just be a cover for something more devious. However, it’s never a good thing to be paranoid and constantly suspect your partner because that alone could cause more trouble than an act of infidelity—there’s a thin line that separates staying alert and obsessing over your paranoia.
Trust is a major player when it comes to maintaining a good relationship with your partner. If you feel that you’re constantly suspecting your partner and you can’t find the strength to trust anything they say anymore, then it’s probably time to confront them about your suspicions. It’s possible that you no longer trust your partner anymore, and no one wants to be in a relationship that’s filled with arguments and suspicions.
Financial and job issues
It should surprise no one that a financial problem could be the cause of a divorce. It could be a lazy partner that refuses to provide for the family or a large accumulated debt that is eating away at the family’s savings. Contrary to popular belief, money is a big factor in sustaining a happy marriage. Unless you and your partner would be happy living on the streets together, chances are someone is going to get the blame for the financial situation they’re in.
However, not every financial issue is due to laziness or neglect. In fact, many financial problems could stem from a lack of job security. In some cases, a job will force someone to relocate to another area or demand them to travel abroad on a regular basis, and it could create problems for a tight-knit couple if they are separated. It can be surprisingly difficult for someone to make the decision of either advancing their career or staying home with their partner.
No one likes to be left at home alone and away from their partner. Long-distance relationships can be very stressful if you don’t get to see each other very often, and it could lead to a number of issues such as suspecting your partner of infidelity or feeling abandoned in favour of something (or someone) else. While there are options such as Skype video calling to keep in touch, nothing matches the intimacy of a warm embrace from your partner.