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Saturday, November 25, 2017

Bush Postpones Elections for lack of interest

by J. La Mont (writer), , October 28, 2006

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After reviewing the latest polling data it is obvious that there is no demand for the election. My advisors assure me if we wait 6 years Adam's Smith's invisible hand, I believe he's a member of the X

The campaign season came to an unexpected halt today as the White House announced the 2006 and most likely the 2008 elections would be postponed for lack of interest. During a rare Rose Garden press conference with Fox News, Washington Times, and cardboard cutouts Pres. Bush proclaimed, "After reviewing the latest polling data it is obvious that there is no demand for the election. My advisors assure me if we wait 6 years Adam's Smith's invisible hand, I believe he's a member of the X-men, will spur interest for a healthier, stronger democracy."

Helen Thomas, disguised as a lawn gnome sitting on a toadstool, asked, "Doesn't that violate the Constitution and the very tenets of democracy?" The video feed then went out due to technical difficulties, only the sound of ravenous dogs and what can only be best described as a frightened Smurf being eaten could be heard.

Nancy Pelosi, Minority leader, stopped measuring her new office and released the statement to the press that, "This is bullsh*t!" An evil cackle could be heard from Cheney's office nearby.

Alan Greenspan had a press conference later in the day reporting, "The International Foundation for the Election Systems reports that each vote costs the government $1-3 to count. The Center for Responsible Politics estimates that Senate candidates will pay $59 per vote while a seat in the House $35, totaling $2.6 billion on ads and GOTV instead of minor things like education and healthcare. The election business is booming. I'm afraid of the massive inflation if we wait too long for the next election."

The White House sprung into action with a response. Sylvester Stallone, dressed as Rocky, gave a speech at West Point with English subtitles, "Terrorists have infiltrated Diebold and were planning to give the election to cutters and runners. We must stay the course and if that means we have to wait till 2015 for the next election then that is the cost of freedom." Stallone reversed his ball cap and beat an Osama look-alike in arm wrestling to a crowd of cheering cadets.

To find out what the public thought we went to the 3rd St. Promenade. Ashley Banks, an "actress/model" who cleans dishes, summed it up best, "There was an election? That must be what all those commercials with ugly peopler were."



About the Writer

J. La Mont is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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