Friday, September 21, 2018

by yesteryear (writer), Bay Area, December 10, 2007


"Boyfriends" blame singer-songwriter's treacly, feel-good music for their relationship troubles

Santa Monica, CA - One million disgruntled boyfriends marched outside the home of British singer-songwriter James Blunt Thursday to protest the unrealistic expectations of devotion, admiration and respect his songs have inspired in legions of shrill, angry girlfriends around the world.

Blunt's single "You're Beautiful", which held the number-one spot on Billboard's Top 100 in both the United States and the UK in 2005, has since been blamed for the termination of over 86,000 long term relationships in both countries, as well as in Canada.

"We will no longer stand by and allow this man's music to encourage the already ridiculous requests of girlfriends around the world to honor, cherish and take care of them for all eternity! This guy's music makes Coldplay sound like Sir Mix-a-Lot!" said Jake McCarthy, recent ex-boyfriend and founder of the Million Boyfriend March, as he stood outside the gates of Blunt's estate in Santa Monica, California.

McCarthy continued, "I'm here today to call on all of my brothers, around the world, to band together in a boycott of James Blunt. We are depending on you to stop buying his albums for your girlfriends, even if you don't know what else to get them for your three month anniversary. Join us. Together we can do this."

McCarthy's call to action was met with loud cheers from the million boyfriends involved in the march. The march was followed by a rally featuring readings of the poetry of Charles Bukowski and a musical performance by Fred Durst, whose band Limp Bizkit was praised by the Million Boyfriends group in 1999 for releasing records that, by comparison, made average boyfriends look like the sensitive, emotional men their girlfriends wanted them to be.

After Durst's performance, local police were called to the scene after receiving reports that shots were fired. A bullet was said to have pierced the vanity license plate of Blunt's 2008 "Daisy Edition" Volkswagen Beetle, which reads "I'm Beeetleful".

About the Writer

yesteryear is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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