Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Newport Beach Gypsy Fortune Tellers in Battle Royal


Rival Fortune Tellers bang it out over Newport Beach, Ca., Locations.

A day after the Northridge quake, I was walking down Reseada Blvd. My house in Northridge was pretty much destroyed and I was just looking at some of the other damages. I was going by a store front business, almost all the glass was broken, and the insides were a mess. I looked at the one window left standing. It said, "Fortunes Told".... "$25 special." As I took it all in, a man, the obvious owner, was coming out to the street with a box of trash. "Wow, hit you pretty hard, huh?," I asked, "Completely wiped us out", he responded. I stood motionless for a moment and then asked, "Shouldn't you have known?" To my amazement, the gentleman let out a string of obscenities, and then actually picked up a brick and threw it at me. He should have known it was going to miss.

Empty Starbucks coffee cups and sticky Crispy Cream boxes are littered on chairs, Half full Fuji water bottles lay about willy nilly. It's been a long day for the Bravo T.V. Executives down on Alameda in Burbank.

The creators of the epic series, "The Real Housewives of Orange County" have spent over an hour, well, maybe 45 minutes, brainstorming for a new series that could match the quality and value of the tales of the "stupid Rich" and their lives in Cotto Salami, Newport Beach.

Just when all seemed for naught, the junior executive of "Intelligent Properties", Yelled out, I've got it! By God, I've got it! We will do a reality show, I can see the title...."The Real Newport Beach Gypsy Fortune-Tellers." "Bravo, Bravo", exclaimed the Bravo Brass. Get Black Bob on the phone, implored the director of programming.

Well, to my knowledge this meeting never took place but don't be surprised if you see it plastered across the pages of the Hollywood Press very soon. Let me rub my crystal ball and tell you why.

It seems that two Gypsy clans are boxing it out for control over the lucrative business of fortune telling in sedate Newport Beach. The Stevens and Merino Clans have run numerous fortunetelling parlors in Southern California for decades. But when Edward Merino and his wife, Sonia, opened two parlors right next to where the Stevenses were doing business in the trendy beach area, the proverbial sh*· hit the fan.

It was reported that the Stevenses demanded that Merino's pay a few scheckels as tribute to recieve permission to play in the Stevenses back yard. A mear $500,000 up front and $5,000 a week would indeed provide the neosporin to heal any perceived wounds.

You could have been watching a episode of the Soprano's, "as allegations of death threats, a graveyard scuffle, and nicknames like "White Bob and "Black Bob" have spilled into court."

Big stuff, with obviously big money involved, Legal scams? What boggles and amazes me is the fact that there was the possibility that two fortunetelling stores could possibly afford the "Franchise Fee's" that the Stevenes had requested. They wouldn't have asked for it, if they didn't think they could get it.

And that brings the question, "Just how stupid can people be?" I mean if you can afford to live in Newport Beach, either you or your daddy did something right. What are you doing paying thousands of dollars to shamsters?

It's a strange, strange world.

It was reported that Stevens said, "I run two fortunetelling parlors and a deli. I'm a businessman. I am a family man. That's all I am."

Does it get better than this: Pastrami on Rye and the winner of the third race at Hollywood Park.

About the Writer

Steven Lane is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on Newport Beach Gypsy Fortune Tellers in Battle Royal

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By Shawn Norris on December 08, 2007 at 11:53 pm
ha ha ha, that first part killed me. i think a more acurate description of Bravo head quarters would be "littered with boxes of empty whip-its, tattered copies of US magazine and a pile of coked up models," but i guess i wish that the description was more along the lines of "in flames"
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By Ivan Homeless on December 11, 2007 at 05:44 pm
Reminds me of Steven Wright calling the psychic - when she asks what he would like to know and he says You tell me. love it!
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By V on December 15, 2007 at 07:01 pm
What IS this wild story? It's true? There are enough gypseys in Los Angeles to have rival gypsey gangs? And how much money exactly DO these fortune tellers make?! Love this Steve.
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By Steven Lane on December 15, 2007 at 08:13 pm
It's true and they must make a lot.
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