PROTOCOL TO PRESERVE THE POLITICALLY CORRECT END- OF-THE-WORLD BASH:
I know i know none of you people out there want to see the end -of- the- world simply because you would rather pay your mortgage off first. Plus, hell- fire and brimstone- a biblical promissory note if we don't change our wayward ways-will cause havoc to the car's paintwork and you just polished and washed it didn't you? Damn!
As artistic catering director for the end-of-the-world celebrations i am on a strict health and safety licence. Just last week i had to email 'standing room' only ticket holders to EOW celebrations warning them to stand down and remain seated simply because i had to postpone due to a salmonella scare tracked down to the garlic in the loaves- and- fishes entree. Don't get me wrong the tickets are still valid so don't tear them up and give in to complacency. No sirree. It doesn't end there be assured.
Okay, let's be level-headed and rational with orderly panic. Don't you people start to worry about putting your furniture in storage until the big day's over. Now strictly speaking, there are for- and- against the EOW ending. FOR, after the end: Abundant parking. Free mostly. Cheap kit homes to put back together D.I.Y. Free one coat cover ash paint. Reduced government tax. Depending on your bank, reduced interest...in your house. Fire sales of new and used fire- and- brimstone. The brimstone various shapes has the propensity to be made into pavers and will look quite nice as garden edging.
AGAINST: before the end: As already stated, the world will end in the future at some point, the impending fireworks would require the purchase of a study anti-EOW helmet to ward off stray brimstone shrapnel. Will also require a fire- retardant suit to repel hell- fire. The earth may take on a very elongated jig-saw type shape. You will have to buy your own gaffer tape to perhaps salvage your driveway. Left over tape to strap the world up. Also, although we have what we think calculated,ample food; once the salmonella scare is over we would like everyone to BYO fish cakes and buns or sliced bread just in case. Thick toasting- type bread only.Thank you and i'll be in contact. Oh,and a bottle of virgin oil to whet the fish. THE END. If those in power don't wake up to themselves? :>)