There was a time in my life where romance poured out of me, like a waterfall with an endless supply of water. I found the woman of my dreams at my neighborsâ€™ wedding. It was a day of changing for me. I found myself going for a haircut in between the wedding and the dinner; just to impress this girl I had met and began what seemed to be an endless romantic tale. That was 14 years ago.
Today I am divorced and disheartened. I have not dated someone serious for any serious amount of time since my divorce ten years ago. In the beginning I thought it was me being blackened by a heart broke at such a young age. I found myself going out to the bars and flirting with anything that seemed interested. This continued on for a few years and then Columbine happened. Besides the state of me being saddened by my own problems, I lived on the street where the funerals took place for these people. I found it to be a very dark time in my life and I knew if I didn't do something, I would continue down a bad path, so I moved to Los Angeles.
Once in Los Angeles I realized that things were pretty cold here. People don't even say hi to people on the street like they do in Denver. They would look at you like what do you want and why are you bothering me. Trying to date out here? Its insane, or maybe I am insane. I am not here to bash on women or complain about my life. I am only realizing as I write this article that it takes all types to make the world go round. I sit here and I go what is wrong with these women in L.A. If they are interested in me, I find myself running away as fast as I possibly can the other direction. If I find myself interested in them, they do the same. Its a constant struggle of sorting out the "good" ones from the "bad" ones. The ones that stab their friends in the back, cheat on you, or have no set of moral values; seems to run out of control here, the unscrupulous type. Where to even begin to search for the "good" ones, who knows. Lord knows its not normally at the bar, not that it can't happen but usually does not.
Here is where it gets funny. When I moved out here the way I was lashing out didn't really change. In fact it digressed. I found myself becoming numb to it all. When people would come to me with tears and problems I would tell them they are over-dramatic. Distancing myself from feeling anything. Women were nothing more than something to satisfy my needs. My sarcasm seemed to know no boundaries. My buddy and I would walk around and laugh when someone said we were mean, we would respond with "yeah little black heart that beats like this" and then we would show a tightened fist not moving. The city had taken its toll on me and I was that guy.
I have begun to realize that people can change. I have accomplished what I set out to be...lonely and where no one could hurt me. Except I messed up, I hurt myself in the process. I find myself wanting other things now. Possibly to pick up where my heart was broken ten years ago. To begin fresh, new, and a hopeful romantic again with the courage to stand back up and fight. We must all start somewhere. I think everyone in L.A. has found themselves a little beat down at one time or another by the city and love. The goal is to keep trying and I charge you all with this: Tomorrow when you wake up and go out into the city, wish a complete stranger a good morning with a smile and hopefully they will do it also.
*This is a public service announcement brought to you by Steven Blake*
WORLD - AN EDGE IN MY VOICE
Copyright © 2010 Steven Blake
Los Angeles, The City That Can Break You...Or Can It?
The way women and men can be cold in L.A.
Copyright © 2010 Steven Blake
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