Saturday, August 18, 2018

Mexican Horror Writer eats Girlfriend

by Steven Lane (writer), Simi valley, Ca and Austin, Tx., October 26, 2007


The Cannibal Song
(to Row, Row, Row Your Boat)

Stir, stir, stir the soup
Taste it with a spoon
Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy
Hope she'll be done soon.

Shame on me for criticizing the construction of Mr. Bush's bazillion dollar border wall along the Mexican border. I publicly apologize, how was I to know that we faced the danger of being overrun with Cannibalistic Mexican Writers. Ack, shades of 28 days later!

For the uninformed, on October 5, 2007, an aspiring Mexican horror novelist, Jose Luis Calva, was arrested after the cops found his girlfriend's torso in his closet, a leg in the refrigerator and bones in a cereal box. Calva has admitted killing Alejandra Galeana while trying to control the girl during a violent argument. You gotta believe me, it was an accident! Police also believe that he killed and dismembered two previous girlfriends but have not charged him for those crimes. Calva told police he was a writer and a poet. Police found a draft of a novel titled "Cannibalistic Instincts" in his apartment.

Sniff, sniff sniff the meat
Salt it like you should
Tasty, tasty, tasty, tasty
Humans taste so good

"He killed her because he was high on cocaine," said defence lawyer Humberto Guerrero Plata. "He didn't eat her, he just cut her body up." Hey, I was willing to accept that explanation, where's the love, we all make mistakes. But..............

Slurp, slurp, slurp it down
Never get enough
Hope we trap more humans soon
We're crazy 'bout this stuff.

Calva, 38, told police that he cooked the flesh in order to feed it to neighborhood dogs. Problem is, that the city coroner Rodolfo Rojo has described how Calva carefully separated and deboned Galeana's arm. Chunks of flesh seasoned with lime juice were found in a frying pan in the man's apartment. Oh, those are some lucky dogs. The picture of Anthony Hopkins hanging on Calva's living room wall might have been a tip off.

Whew, phew, burp, I'm full
Think I'm going to pop
Phooey, phooey, phooey, phooey
Guess I'll have to stop.

Looking to see if this was a trend, I did some research and found another story. Dated December 16, 2004, the headline screams, "GAY MEXICAN CANNIBALS." (Reuters) Seems that a Mexican man killed his lover in a drunken, drugged fight then cooked the man's body in tomato and onion sauce and ate it over three days.

Gosh, darn, golly gee
Wish it wasn't so
Oh, well, what the heck
Pass me one more toe.

Other than the story itself, I found the headlines from major news sources very interesting, a few examples.
"Mexican Cannibal Suspect: Girlfriends Death an Accident."
"Mexican 'cannibal" refuses to make a plea."
"Gay Mexican Cannibals."
"Mexico, "The Cannibal Poet."
"Mexican Author Killed, Then Ate Girlfriend."
There were many others that just heralded the story without the "Mexican" angle so profoundly pronounced.

Two cannibals were leaning against the outhouse, when one said to the other, "HEY, I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD, I JUST DUMPED MY GIRLFRIEND." ....... Ouch!

Happy Halloween

Newsweek, MSNBC, NINE MSN, Reuters

The Cannibal Song (Uncredited)

About the Writer

Steven Lane is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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11 comments on Mexican Horror Writer eats Girlfriend

Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By Ariel on October 26, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Do you guys also have an ad for Indian food displayed with this article? :)
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By Steven Lane on October 26, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Glad I made your day El G, No Ariel, I have a bunch of Law Enforcement ads
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By Jen on October 27, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Waste not want not I guess. So much for breakfast...
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By V on October 27, 2007 at 02:35 pm
As soon as this story broke, my Fiance sent it to me. I think he gets scared of me. Realistically, ritualistic cannibalism existed in the not too distant past on both sides of the cultures in my bloodline. I think he gets scared I'll eat him. But even if my nasty ancestors passed on the gene, he should realize silly boy ... as tasty as I'm sure he is, he's far too big for me to prepare and eat on my own and I hate sharing my food.
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By Venditto on October 28, 2007 at 02:27 pm
Mexicans. Fine. Cannibals, a lil spooky. Gay, Mexican, cannibals: it's like Christmas and my birthday all wrapped up in one lime juice marinated package.
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By M Fiaschi on October 29, 2007 at 12:26 pm
" Great Story " Great Story" what can I Say Let´s Build the border wall. Spend billions of Dollars Before All this Boarder jumpers come and eat us alive, Let´s also place a big Wall all around my home state Wisconsin, let´s not forget about the Milwakee cannibal. And also I may say let´s talk to homeland security and to the INS to stop and arrest all the Krauts coming to the USA because the don´t only eat people they also Record it. Great Article very Accurate and inspiring and most of all Educational. GET REAL
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By manny osborne on November 24, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Mexicans are born to be wild but this is a little too wild
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By Tom Perez Old on November 24, 2007 at 05:34 pm
sick. but you guys are too much. not all mexicans are cannibals you dicks lol. but yeah good work man. i had seen this on the news in Espanol but i only caught a glimpse of it so yeah thanks for the article.
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By Steven Lane on December 04, 2007 at 11:57 pm
lol Jen and Tonic.
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Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By manny osborne on December 12, 2007 at 08:54 pm
this guy die (or got killed) this week maybe because nobody couldn't sleep anymore there
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By Keely on January 07, 2008 at 10:32 pm

Very well written; short 'n'skewered.

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