MY BOOFY IS LOST! RIGINAL.
My drug sniffer dog Boofy has gone missing. Please help me. His friends call him Boof. y? his tale was cut short by a humorless publisher.
Boofy has been credited with having the cognitive pungency of Donald T on a bad hair day. To his credit though, Donald, with the aid of political smelling/'shelling' the opposition salts, pipped Boof at the political post thus Boof did the Democratic thing, conceded defeat, and de tale and de telling of porkies. In doggie position bark Boof had this to pant pon his four- legged withdrawal from the political scream.
"I am officially withdrawing my four-legged incursion into American politics. Not only did i bark my doggie pause on Donald's rhetoric, i also realized earlier on at a whine tasting doggie dinner when i gave my first short tale wag speech, that i am certainly no Donald Trump...but i am bad!"
A short description of Boof. An above average talking canine, four legs, cept when he's scratching or relieving himself. A celebrated author on what to do about the drug problem facing candidates aspiring to the leadership of a somewhat shaggy tongue wagging political scene with farcical intent. Indeed, Boof has tried to introduce a 'means' test regarding general drug use. Don't be means, share? Boof speaking just before he went missing in traction. Broke his rear right leg at the whine tasting when he tripped over a whining senator.
BOOF:" I am a fully qualified drug sniffer dog, having 20,000 sniffs under my nose belt. Not all around drugs may i add but i keep a low profile and recreational activities after work have nothing to do with any of you, specially sour pusses pushing their own blogs and flogging replica doggie coats. Let me just say, ahh did not have sex with mah poodle secretary. Ahh was very very tempted but ahh sniffed the invitation and ahh walked away...painfully. May ahh say ahh don't earn money from my roll as a sniffer. Nor do i take drugs. Indeed silly humans, i presented at a dog criminal court and defended myself admirably against a heinous charge.
Ahh had a new idea to stem the drug problem. See, behind mah handler Ralph's back, of mah own volition, ahh did sniff out drugs. Wrapped the canned heat up securely, and ahh was sending them back to the cartel or bus tel with this note. "In future please don't hide your shit inside canned dog food you wags.'Acceptin' freebies being part of my job as humans do avail themselves, ahh admit ahh did open and consumed three quarters of a can of cocaine hidden may i add-clumsily. Ahh admit ahh was wrong and was grounded...after Ralphy used a forty foot extension ladder to stop me from flying high with pigs. The flying pigs seconded from the White House helped reel me in. Ahhh did wrong ahh admit but at no time did ahh have sex with those pigs. An don't you sneer and say "pigs ass!"
I did the can crime, paid the ultimate sentence time. Forced to watch Donald Frump's speech reruns on repeat. Let me repeat, ahh paid my dues. Do youse, my fine shaggy little human miscreants? Woof woof?...or like presidential candidates and Aussie replicas...goof goof? Another of my drug ideas to cut the drug toll. Don't take your bloody drugs through the Toll. Go round. That way us sniffer dogs don't have to run up and scratch the shit out of your paintwork or bite the fuel cap off your inflatable boat or your inflatable mistress you bought cheap as a backup to help while away 7 years of detention until the seven year itch starts scratching at your cell door as a result of being caught with her inflatable fuel cap down. For whom the Belles Toll? Told you to avoid the bally Tolls! That would enable us dogs to have extra curricular sniffing, bordering entertainment perimeters.
Let me just say before if ever i go missing, Ralphy mah trainer doesn't take drugs, never has,never will, though he loves sardines. If i do go missing i have left my handler a note leaving my uncompleted book, "Lassie go Bone but make sure there's no Trump reason/resin residue secreted inside." I must rest now as all sniff and no play makes Boofy a dull dog. And may i barkingly add...boofy haired pollies. I must go, Toll next time i sniff you and yours." PS: Forget the drugs, remember who you are and who you could become if you dig deep...if you don't you'll end up a fair bit deeper than the depths of despair...when reality comes knocking...start writing...ignorance is bliss, ask Boof. :>)