Memo to: Hollywood Executives
From: Murray the Schnauzer
Iâ€™m writing to you Hollywood guys â€˜cause I got a bone
to pick with all of you . Now, I donâ€™t mean to sound
bitter but whatâ€™s a dog gotta do to get a decent job
I did my research. Back in the day Rin Tin Tin was
the go to guy. He starred in movies and TV shows and
legend has it he could jump over 11 feet high and
served in World War I (whadda show off!) Then there
was Lassie. For like 40 years it was, â€œLassie, help
me Iâ€™m in a ditchâ€ or â€œLassie, save me Iâ€™m drowningâ€.
The weird part is I hear she wasnâ€™t even a
female!!--now ainâ€™t that a bitch! But I digress.
Then recently we had Eddie that jack russell from
â€œFrasierâ€. What a guy. I actually like him. Every
once in a while Iâ€™d run into him at the Beverly Hills
Kennel Club. Weâ€™d take a swim, wrestle a little, even
take a nap together (hey, now donâ€™t get any ideas, I
like Eddie but NOT like THAT!!) But uh, like I said
heâ€™s a real good guy. Now I hate to spill any
Hollywood secrets but I was actually up for that job.
I only didnâ€™t get it â€˜cause I kept screwing up my
lines. They wanted a bark when I entered the room and
I felt it shouldâ€™ve been more of a whimper. I had my
agent talk to them but it didnâ€™t work. Ahh, no sense
crying over spilled biscuits.
Any hoo, in case you havenâ€™t noticed thereâ€™s been a
shortage of decent acting roles lately for us canines.
There was that â€œUnderdogâ€ movie and I was gonna try
out for it but I KNEW it was gonna suck! I mean
câ€™mon, even I knew they needed to keep it a cartoon
for Godâ€™s sake! But again I digress. Now once in a
while Letterman has his Stupid Pet Tricks but lately
even heâ€˜s been cutting back! And let me tell you,
those pet tricks ainâ€™t so stupid. Iâ€™d like to see
Letterman balance a ball on his nose while scooting
around on his ass. Ahh, whaddya gonna do?
So câ€™mon guys, give a doggie a break and come up with
a role he can seek his teeth into (sorry, no pun
intended). I mean I hear times are tough for you
humans lately. You need a furry guy with a cold nose
to lighten things up a bit and maybe even save the
day. I mean whatâ€™s more American than a dog with a
heart of gold (even if he does enter the room with a
Well, thanks for listening and I hope to hear from you
P.S. I promise not to lick myself in mixed company.
WORLD - AN EDGE IN MY VOICE
Copyright © 2010 Limoge
What's A Doggie To Do?
Copyright © 2010 Limoge
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