Beirut, Lebanon. Saturday night. Almost 11pm.
Home â€¦ Alone â€¦.
Thought Iâ€™d escape whatever takes place on a Saturday night. Thought Iâ€™d give sometime to myself. Some quality time where all I have is me, and no one else. Being alone is probably a lie. There are so many people with me. In my thoughts.
They are right. Those who say that you need to be around people to forget about people.
Yes. Theyâ€™re definitely right. When youâ€™re alone, they start hunting you back. Sometimes their presence is not welcomed.
My thoughts are going to so many places and toward so many others who have had such a big impact on my life. Some thoughts are quiet nice, and some others, not that much. Iâ€™m not really in the mood to share my thoughts with you tonight. So youâ€™ll have to excuse me.
What Iâ€™d like to do is scream. But that would sound too creepy. So Iâ€™ll spare myself from self humiliation and try to survive this evening like a normal person â€¦
A guy whoâ€™s spending a good night at home, with his ghosts.
Then I think to myself: what better than writing. Yes. And here I am. Writing. And sharing this moment with some of you. Those who read my words from time to time. My secret OtherEnders. Those who probably are trying to figure out whatâ€™s on the other end â€¦
Whatâ€™s really there? Probably those thinking whatâ€™s on the other end of sunset. It would be nice to be considered on the other end of sunset. I like sunsets. Theyâ€™re quiet romantic. And yes. I am a romantic. At least thatâ€™s what I think of myself. If Iâ€™m wrong, donâ€™t prove me wrong. Iâ€™d like to enjoy this idea. Itâ€™s nice.
You might say Iâ€™m bored. Well maybe I am. Bored of a simple life. A life which lacks excitement.
I always say: â€œWe hope and we dream, but we never expect whatâ€™s going to happen to us.â€
Whatâ€™s going to happen? We never know. Maybe thatâ€™s what they call excitement. Yeah, maybe.
Some of you might be interested in knowing where Iâ€™m sitting, what Iâ€™m wearing and a few other â€œwhatsâ€: Iâ€™m wearing a pair of old jeans and a pair of old converseâ„¢. Iâ€™m sitting at the kitchen table. On my left is a bottle of Smirnoff Iceâ„¢. My third this evening. Until now. And on my right, a poor box of Marlboro Whitesâ„¢ being aggressively attacked.
Yes. Smoking and drinking. Donâ€™t go ahead and blame me. Itâ€™s Saturday night after all. Who said I should be smoking and drinking in a club? Here I am, in the best club ever. My home.
John Travolta is probably flying his private jet from Los Angeles to New York to spend an evening watching a Broadway show. Kanu is probably a poor hungry boy in Nigeria crying for food. Iâ€™m Dany sitting in Lebanon and thinking about these people. Pathetic you might say. Tonight? I donâ€™t mind.
Iâ€™m not going to go on and talk politics and attack imperialism. Iâ€™m going to spare them for tonight. Lucky them. Iâ€™m not going to talk about movies. Thatâ€™s something I could do forever. But a bit of sacrifice. Thatâ€™s something I should be practicing on from now on.
Actually? I donâ€™t know what Iâ€™m going to talk about. Probably you would be saying: â€œThis guy has been talking for a while now. He should be shutting up and going to sleep.â€ Well. I wonâ€™t. Iâ€™m just enjoying the moment.
No. Iâ€™m not going through a bad time. Or a depression some of you might say.
At the contrary. I think Iâ€™m going through what some of you might be going through every day. But you know what? Itâ€™s nice to share it with some people. Again, my OtherEnders.
Recently I heard that two of my school mates died this week. Both in some car accidents. May they rest in peace. I hope theyâ€™ve lived a nice life. It was their time. I know that some day mine will come. And some people will be waiting for me. Someone will actually show me around heaven. Yes. Someday I will see you. But not yet. There are few things I need to see on this planet. There are few feelings I would like to experience. I would like to see my nephews grow old.
The song says:
â€œLetâ€™s dance in style, letâ€™s dance for a while
Heaven can wait, were only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you gona drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever
We donâ€™t have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sad pit life is a short trip
The music is for the sad man
Can you imagine when this race is run?
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders and getting in tune
The music is for the mad man
Forever young I want to be
Do you really want to live forever
Forever, forever young
Yes. The Indie Punk version could help me a bit.
I try to imagine how my life looks like from out there. From out of this bubble I live in. Some people have made me happy. Some others have made me cry. But probably my tears never meant much to them. They got what they wanted. And thatâ€™s what they wanted.
Good for them.
The best relief is self relief. Believe me. Itâ€™s comes faster. Tougher but faster.
It was nice talking to you. I hope I didnâ€™t bore you or bother you with what you might call nonsense.
Iâ€™m going to have a couple of other sips from the bottle on my right and a couple of those from the box on my left.
After that? Who knows.
Time will tell â€¦
WORLD - AN EDGE IN MY VOICE
Copyright © 2010 Dany Bachir
Time Will Tell
Copyright © 2010 Dany Bachir
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