Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Fergies Auctions Off a Hummer

by Ed Attanasio (writer), San Frickin' Frisco, Baby!, September 10, 2007


As reported by Life On the Edge yesterday, singer Fergie is selling her gas-guzzling sport utility vehicle and has promised to donate all the proceeds to the Global Green USA organization.

A lot of people are praising her for doing her part, but my question is -- if Fergie was really that concerned about the environment, why on earth did she purchase a Hummer in the first place?

More likely, she realized that she was tired of paying $85.00 to fill it up every time she drove down to Rodeo Drive and back.

The star has placed her 2005 Hummer H2 vehicle on auction website eBay, where bidding currently stands at $52,400.

The listing, which ends on September 15, reads: "After performing at Live Earth and realizing everyone has a role to play in protecting the environment, Fergie decided to sell her Hummer and donate all the proceeds to Global Green USA. Auction Cause is also donating carbon emission credits for 10 years to help offset the impact.”

Her publicist went on to say that Fergie is also going to write a new song about dolphins and has plans to go on a strict diet of tree bark and lattes. From now on, all of her undergarments will be made from recycled lingerie donated by Victoria’s Secret and all of her CD’s will be manufactured from corn husks. She has also agreed to hold her breath for six minutes a day so that others who need oxygen more than she does will get their fair share.

This sounds like a publicity stunt to me. Are you trying to tell me that Fergie just now realized that a Hummer is bad for the planet? If she really cared about the air we breathe, she would destroy the Hummer. It’s not like she needs the cash. Now she’s just putting the vehicle back into public circulation so that someone else can smog up the planet. What’s the point?

"This is Fergie's actual vehicle, and will come with a letter of authenticity from Auction Cause, the premier auction management agency," the publicist said.

I can see it now -- some pathetic pop star/player wannabe will buy it and start driving it around some small town in Nebraska, trying to pick up the opposite sex by telling them they’re driving Fergie’s old ride. And the sickest part of it all is – it will probably work!

(Portions of this article were fictionalized to make it less boring and insipid.)

About the Writer

Ed Attanasio is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

1 comments on Fergies Auctions Off a Hummer

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Ash Brittany on October 27, 2007 at 02:44 pm
ha ha ha ha
 Report abuse

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us