Saturday, December 15, 2018


by riginal (writer), moe australia, May 06, 2015

Forget your troubles come on burp happy...get ready for the pungent day. Royal flush if you play your cards right.


I was lying in bed last night thinking. The 'promised land.'

The promised land? Can anyone living there under that pretense as i type...fill in the blanks?

You good honest trustworthy non cheating faithful to your faith "do unto others before they have a chance to do you!" people. Both of you and more importantly the world, are our front pages of media rot (sic) headlines the precursor to what we have become, or more importantly, should we even succumb, to the daily trash of despotism gone a muck 'cept the birth of a royal baby to enlighten heighten one's equilibrium of 'another day another damp dollar for the washed up squalor of news unworthy?'

I have purchased a printing press and about to print my own news as a counterbalance against the inept 'compulsory' pain in the ass news resplendent at the hands of journo exaggerate currently immersing the ink stain woe betide happence currently flogged. You media journos only proliferate expansive dire trouble inflict which in turn regurgitates over and over again such things as "politician bonks the house assembly"

My news will look at not the inflammatory but the essence of 'feel good.' I may run with the main facts and like the scribes now banging on the door of "here ye smear me gather a tear ye" tripe will insert positive and uplifting 'cut to the chase' pleasant.

Example. Death destruction bonk and plonked politicians assoles...sorry, "ahh souls" of misfortune deleted. Concentrated cordiality, not watered down flat fizz idiocy.

Here's my tripod of gaze. "Baby born to royal couple to everyone's delight. Beautiful baby burps royal. Well done pat on back bub. Bub burps again to the delight of onlookers. Freelance photo of burp fetches photographer hiding in discarded disposable nappie $100,000 on the sticky market. Sorry, stock market. Baby burps again. Stock market goes up. Baby smiles on all ords. Stock market baby photos flash at an all time high.

Baby grins...why wouldn't a new born Royal baby grin? Baby scowls, baby's right...grins again. Burp. Photographer caught napping. Nappy on head. S....t happens Royally. Baby waves. Baby opens and closes eyes. Baby drinks...burp.

Crowds go "ohhh"...isn't that a Royal burp to set before the Queen? Photo front page of Queen sitting in car. Greets baby. A happy happy day indeed. But wait, there's more.

The Australian deficit faced a hiccup today. PM burps. Stops in the hallway of Parliament house, encourages his followers to burp. "We'll burp burp burp hick up get this under control uni laterally by chucking money laterally at uni students. Students burp while having their undergraduate fees changed...along with their nappies.

Banks lower their interest. This writer reports, as usual, their interest is always at an all time low. PM burps, says he will lift his game and provide each interested uni student with a lifetime of debt alone. Sorry, a loan of a lifetime debt. Students smile, wave arms. Burp. Nappies change hands. Statistics show that no child in the coming years will be without an intelligent burp.

Australia is at the forefront of burp research. Happy smiling burps were given an 'all clear' after a throw up deal was passed in the upper house. Basement photos show upper crust bread winners to receive extra slice of bread to toast the Royal burp.

Scientists have finally admitted burping babies can be a sign that babies burping is a sign followed by a sigh that they are happy in the company of their old born parent hicks. New born babies are being questioned as to why they smile at mummy and daddy when mummy and daddy cajole, "smile baby or we'll never go away until you do because you are our future lol bub and we can't wait until you burp again because that presents the proud onlookers with the spontaneous! goo! who's a lovely newborn i think he has his mothers eyes." Therefore leaving mum sightless until they're returned. "Dad's ears" is another 'borrowed.'

More good news. Pensioners to receive back pay. The pay is stuck to the pensioner's back where it can't be reached until the pensioner dies. The pensioner can be taken a back with money fixed to same encouraging the pensioner to get his/her back up enabling the kids to perform the last rites...that of relieving back- to- back bank money, spinal tap, money pop up burp.

Pensioners are no longer 'means' tested. Means mean pensioner is tested.

The government is to introduce a burping baby fee stamping out indiscriminate burping royalties. Sorry to end on a sour note but i can give you a future projection. Freebie kisses and burps all round the gurgling PM at election time. Happy days. Now don't you feel for better or burp? Happy nappy weather all day tomorrow with squeals...sorry, squalls. :>)

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

0 comments on GOOD NEWS WEAK. RIGINAL.

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us