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Thursday, November 23, 2017

JOHN AND BATTY. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, May 01, 2015

John can run. Run run run. Batty can hop. Hop hop hop. Scotty just piddle piddle piddles. And steals hops.

THE JOHN AND BATTY STORY OF HOPS. RIGINAL

This post is for students wishing to enter remedial primary school at a level that will enable scholarly input to amaze and confound their teachers. You've all heard of the John and Betty saga? John can run? Run run run? This post is similar. Batty can run but being a woman she declined to. It is a woman's choice. Wise choice indeed Batty.Using restrained propulsion allowing running John to catch up with the hoping- none hopping- Batty. Batty was nuts about Johnnie. Johnnie was nuts about Johnnie. John pants,pants, pants, after catching up with Batty. She was a stunner with a body to die for. In fact John said to Batty Boobs in an unprovoked dreamy- eyed smitten limp kitten husky voice. "For thee i would die die die Batty."

Had John been of Irish descent he may have blurted out self consciously..."for thee i would diddly i die die die Batty!" Diddly A?

Let's leave the Irish out as it's a compound adjective conundrimic intrusion lending little to support the subjective object of John's affection. However timid his approach. Let me put 'die' in perspective. Women say quite often, "if that Johnnie come lately (John could only afford a replica untimely piece) were to leave and break my heart i'd die." That in itself students is Batty thinking obscure, or rather, obscure Batty thinking. It is only a perfunctory 'off the bra' statement. However just to make sure if your name's Johnnie and you decide to leave Batty in a mad moment relieve Batty of her bra in case Batty should decide to creep up behind you John and choke you with her double D. But Batty wasn't that way inclined. Besides, John was smitten and quite literally batty over Batty Boobs.

Are you with me students? Getting bored? Okay, i'll speed it up. Your scant time and dime demands this. After several dates John, on the way home from essay school, started running. Run run run John. Of course slow walking Batty started hopping. Hop hop hop. Want me to slow down? I can't simply because then i would lose the thread of this article. Batty started hopping again, she wanted to skip skip skip a bit but in Batty's case hop hop hop turned into double D knock knock knock...even after Batty stood stationary. Ill- fitting non sports bras do that. Take that blonde country singing lady of lovely voice and projected stereo amperage. Dolly Parton. Used to bounce on her father's knees, growed up and now bounces on her own knees. At this point may i make mention of what they're selling on tele as i type. Bras which not only lift and separate...but slinky stretch amazing jeans that immediately turn love handles into curves any man could handle. How come men have not the availability of jeans to rein in their beer guts? Obviously they have no need of the bras. Most anyway.

I'm sorry i've drifted. Man, i love those jeans. All patterns. All colors. Okay, let's take the jeans and bras away. Wooofff! an episode of 'Breaking Bad?' Just kidding. Okay students i hear you. I myself though still on training bras- have been tempted to upgrade.

In a nutshell. John can run. Run run run. Batty can hop. Hop hop hop. Full stop inverted Bra.Bounce bounce bounce. John married Batty. The part time 'priest' at their local in Lost Vegas normally didn't give gifts. However,after, or should i say, during the 30 second marriage, the priest extended a package containing the 'sports' double D bra with these solemn words. "Batty, by the power of elastic invested in me would you please accept these bras so help me God?" Batty replied demurely, "i do do do." Lovely ceremony. Laugh laugh laugh. Eat eat eat. Kiss kiss kiss...f...f...goodness sake i know i'm drawing it out but that damn slinky jean ad has come on again.

Okay students i'm over the bras and tight jeans. I'll be short. Abbreviated to the second decimal point. Remembering John can run run run. Batty now hop hop hops restrained, let's move on. John and Batty had good jobs and children were not in their equation even after John (an essay writer from U.K. originally) begged and nearly drove Batty batty over his urge to have kiddies. Kids kids kids. So that the tykes could crawl crawl crawl,cry cry cry. Batty's mother probably starting off with "there there there" to "why why why don't you guys look after your own kids kids kids?" The kids were therefore put on the back burner to enable Batty to finish her uni course,'how to load the inlaws up with shriek shriek shriek and drive them potty so they die diddly die (one parent was of Irish descent) die of premature death.

So, Batty and John bought a dog- Spot. Spot the dog barked barked barked and drove the next door hi rise apartment owners mad mad mad. Spot ran away away away. So far away the pooch happened upon a hops grove in downtown New Pork. Spot broke a branch off the hop laden tree and hopped hop hopped back to his apartment. This is where the story gets strange.

John was at work. Work work work. Batty's bras broke. Sew what sew what sew what? The bloody bras of course...sew let me continue the thread...Batty did. The next door neighbors wrested the hop branch complete with hops, off Scotty. Scotty went scotty. Stuff the hopping Scotty. The neighbors, nearly driven mad by the barking, stamped on the hops. Licked the fermented hops off the carpet. Scotty kept running away and bringing hop branches back to sedate the neighbors, who by now were barking mad alcoholics.

Now, the subliminal message students is this. DON'T overload the inlaws with your kids if you decide to have them. Even though ma and pa love them dearly they need a branch...sorry a break! Actually here's a thought. Maybe if Scotty has some free time and Batty does have kids and leaves them with ma and pa they too could suck on some hops when the bubba cry cry cries. I know it all sounds batty batty batty but then doesn't that sound just like life life life? Hope you have a great run run run this week and don't worry too much. Things will come out in the nappy wash girls. Sorry, i forgot. Disposable nappies. I'm way way way behind. Okay students $8 a page plus $8 for Batty. John writes writes writes his own. So should you, so hop hop hop down and send me that money pronto. $16 Australian is not to be sneezed at. That's seven and a half packets of two minute noodles! And an over ripe banana. Cheers. :>)



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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