MY MATE OLLY THE 'GREEN TEA' LONELY. RIGINAL.
Olly my mate,was one of a kind. Kind Olly was. Kind of. There was a kind of inept taxing kindness about Olly people took disadvantage of...kind of. Olly was lonely. I think Roy Orbison had 'Olly the Lonely' in mind when he heralded the lyrics of that sad song about a very lonely guy.
Look, perhaps if you're starting to tear up,you good people, and the remaining three reading this, may prefer to ring your local tax agent who stuffed up your tax return and forced you to sell your house. Someone to cheer you up?
Problem is, Olly was a former tax agent so you might as well make another green tea, making sure you reuse the jiggly bag for the 100th time. Keep the jiggly bags. Dry them out, they make good roof shingles when you start constructing your new abode which Olly's ineptness forced you to build just South of the border in the tall grass after your involuntary shift to the grass house of the rising numb. Numb numb Olly didn't rise early anymore after he lost his job for being inept.
If Olly were a politician he would have been re employed immediately. Immediately welcomed by the God of ineptness in the upper house assembly where angels fear to tread. Yes,Olly was certainly no goal setter of substance. Olly wasn't on substance, but his errant taxation calculi prompted some people to believe he was. The unemployed Olly was a bit down, so he walked a short distance to the above paragraph and borrowed a 102 times dipped green tea bag...off me. One of his clients he got chucked out of home. Not Olly's home, my home in the green green grass of my new abode with the green tea bag shingled roof.
I took Olly in. Felt sorry for him. Did i mention? Olly was lonely. It was a dark green tea rainy night. Olly had removed the tea bag shingle temporarily, dunked it the one hundred and twoth time, forgot to put it back on the roof. Of course that inadvertent removal from the main roof structure dampened not only our relationship...but our green tea bag blankets. Are you with me so far? Perhaps i should stop to allow you good people and the three reading this...time for a quickie-dunk. Ready to go again?
Olly i haven't described as, in shape. Olly was out of shape, short, fat, unhappy. And lonely. I tried to find Olly a job as an unemployed useless taxation consultant. Only to find the position taken by a useless nere- do- well. Namely yours truly, Olly.
You see Olly had a split personality. Whilst he sat lonely at home his other personality went behind his back and snared the job. Back stabbing miscreant. Olly secretly was overjoyed when his other personality was sacked for being incompetent to carry on the tradition of inept. Just like our pollies. But they retain their jobs and long service green tea entitlements.
See, it is a well known fact that 12 out of 6 people have a split personality. Nothing at all wrong with that folks as the way the economy is at the moment, both personalities have to work at being unemployed. Especially if you're a butcher. To make meat ends. Sorry, ends meet. I'm sorry i'm drifting. Little chubby Olly was getting deeply depressed. Sure, he had a former unemployed job but Olly wanted more out of life than the constant battle of avoiding work. Taxing is the word,. Did i mention Olly was employed in the taxation arena at the pinnacle of his non achievments?
I started to notice a change in Olly. Olly confided in me one night when we invited no one over for a 'used green tea party,' he was lonely. So lonely in fact that Olly excused himself at the height of the gala non party, slipped outside to go home. Realizing he was home, Olly rang the door bell and ran away. I caught up with the extremely green tea bag intoxicated fellow sobbing uncontrollably, 50 metres down the footpath. May have been 45 metres. I exaggerate sometimes.
I walked Olly and his other personality slowly back to our tea house by the green green grass of the unknown. I asked Olly why he was so depressed. He burst out into tea tears, told me he was upset because he lost everyone including me, the roof over our heads. I said "there there Olly, no probs. You'll be okay, people love camping out under their moonlit tea bag roofs. Remember Olly" i brushed a tea bag off his face,"this rain will grow the grass then we'll have walls and when the sun shines i'll nail together some tea bag doors and matching green tea windows to let the green sunlight in."
Olly stopped crying. Gradually Olly and his better half reconciled with each other and they became firm friends. Indeed Olly went back to his grass roots profession. Only this time Olly issued every stuffed up taxation return client with a brand new 50 jiggle used tea bag. People, realizing they were going to lose their houses, kept coming to Olly until they had enough free tea bags to make a tea bag roof.
Then the icing on the tea bag cake. Olly met a stunner. She was a cougar with a passion for tee hee. And she was loaded. And she wore green tea bag jeans which accentuated her long shapely cheque book. Olly fell head over heels over her ample jiggly bags. Let me explain. Ruth's father, a Ceylonese chappy, owned a green tea plantation. He was amazed at Olly's intelligence. And 'can't do'...sorry, 'can do' attitude. You see Olly pointed out to father-in-tea- law to be, or not to tea, that he didn't have to import green tea from Australia as he already had herds of green tea grazing out in his own plantation only requiring periodical green tea milking.
The happy couple, plus Olly's other green tea envious personality looked splendid on their wedding day. The bride looked radiant in her green tea bag wedding dress. Green tea bag stockings. Green tea bag high yields...the yields due to Olly's idea of feeding the tea cattle stuffed up tax returns. This in turn, though taxing, made the tea thicker and lost for words. Lost taxation words are a brew everyone loves. Like "oh no! damn taxation thyme again! " See, thyme was the secret additive that gave the tea the creamy wordy thick coagulated A4 taxation taste we all know and love.
Well my three listening or reading friends there is a subliminal message hidden in this recorded po blog. Stick to thyme infused green tea and you'll come out on top of unheard of good fortune. Olly the no longer lonely did! (strains of Roy Orbison singing in the background 'Olly the lonely?). Oh, and if you do have a split personality who cares. And who cares if you're a bit different. It takes all flavors of mankind to socialize the planet. You don't have to run with the herd. Unless you want to chew out your inept taxation return consultant on paper? :>)