REAL STORIES
BY REAL PEOPLE Search
Sunday, November 19, 2017

CEO'S with lousy tax memories. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, April 21, 2015

We are all ordained to exit this planet. Accompanied by Johnny Debt? Wee Willie Wonker CEO of the chocolate DEBT factory?:>)

A BRIEF INTERLUDE WITH DES DIG M DEEPER. riginal.

Hello again my fine healthy friends. So! you are feeling fine? Damn! As your local cut price funeral director i suppose in a way you people who are alive, well; to put it bluntly, despise me because no-one wants to be told that one day they won't be around elevated atop on this minutely oblong, out of round coil, to participate in mankind's machinations of endeavor. Which to me from where i'm digging, represents at present, millions, perhaps billions, of little social media loving ants strewn far and wry across this God- created paradise whereupon people mingle, tickle, computerate with such verve of voracity in getting to the top of life's sometimes rickety ladder of success, they tend to forget they're not like debt- which never dies?

Death my dear debt dead friends as everyone knows, is the cessation of life caused by a variety of happenstance. Indeed, if you don't want to dwell here please vacate immediately. However, the God of cessation waits with open arms as do my used coffin salesmen and women transposed. Ahh! I've spiked your interest thus far? I am different from the usual sombre funeral director who wears the mask of respectability ordained since the beginning of time.Even the 'different' replica Rolex type that dies a natural death about 30 seconds after your pin numbers enter the company's bunk account,so too, time dies. I think it has something to do with the clumsy dies they manufacture these tin trinket baubles of 'near enough' from. But they do serve a purpose. That being, one stops for a minute to think of the inane purchase from "Eaaah!" Bay. In sympathy perhaps as already stated, the watch doth stop also? I could be wrong in my assumption the deceased hands on your rapidly discoloring purchase ends likewise?

You see my new business as an offshoot of people dig, has taken a wonderful turn of good fortune for yours truly and me (I have a split personality purchased from e bay in a pack of three vinyl personalities. The odd personality extra sold for a goodly price,enabling me to chuck out my vinyl underwear, sick watch, and purchase a genuine Rolex sewn into my new silk boxer shorts. Got the lot at a great saving online for two reasons. I pinched the boxer shorts from the CEO of Google's line hanging on the line whom lives next door to me in downtown downtown. I removed the resident boxer residing in my unpegged used boxers thus negating the need for a punch up. UP town or downtown. Told Peg i had no need of her either. However, Peg, who was hanging online and used to 'cook the books' for the Google 'pie in the sky bakery guesstimate,' ie: Ms. Calculated tax payment 'adjuster'-came to work for me in an advisory capacity in my new 'bury your debt used debt yard.'

Ahh! Now you are beginning to twig. Des, formerly 'dig m deeper' cheaper, no longer buries bods. That's right. You heard right my dear dear debt ridden friends. I no longer bury homo sapiens or Politicians. I, Des, have returned from the grave to new heights. I bury your debts. The idea came to me in a flash. The flash being when i climbed naked over Google's fence to 'borrow' the shorts now bereft of a ham- fisted boxer.

With the aid of Ms Peg unclipped from the clothesline offline i started my new franchise business. You may be wondering at this point in time why i wear boxer less shorts with an expensive genuine Rolex sewn in the crutch? The crutch of the matter is, i don't want my watch stolen and i didn't have the time to sew it in my sock. Why would i? Every dill sticks their valuables in their socks now don't they? Sock it to me? But if you have the genuine time between your legs, robbers are none the wiser. I must point out at this stage a friend had a 'Big Ben' replica watch sewn in his underwear, unaware that when the clock struck on the hour, the ensuing noise would and did allow a robber to adjudge that my friend had indeed something valuable hidden from sight.

My friend instead of being asked to put his hands in the air and hand over his watch...was instead asked to put his legs in the air and hand over 'Big Ben' or receive a gong on the kneecaps to emulate Ben's. The robber used to gong as a silly half hour but since installing the stolen watchtower he now gongs every silly hour.

Back to my business. Sorry if i stayed too long on the swinging gong. Needless to say people, don't put your gong where someone perhaps off the bong hears something wrong and robs you of your gong. Look what happened to King Gong! Swung with a beautiful young lady whom, i heard, drove the poor creature up the wall...or windows at least. If you are thinking of installing a 'Big Ben' and won't listen to my advice...at least fit a silencer to the gong. Or, carry a set of earmuffs to proffer to a robber prior to the gong gonging wrong at an ungodly bonging hour.

So, to the important part. My business, www.@ Desburydebtdeepermmm.com. This is the scenario. You drive, walk, or gong (without bong!) into my yard which is disguised as a reputable car yard. THAT should be a distinct standout in the U.S.A.? :>)

Bring with you your new or used debts. Here's how it works. I have seconded 30 thousand new burial caskets to be used as debt burial receptacles. You chuck all your debts in the casket of your choice. We screw the lid down plus any debt collectors you may not have evaded on your trip downtown downtown. That's right. You, me and me (i have a split personality remember?) bury your debts deep. We then send in our operatives, preferably after hours, to remove your debt files from wench those dirty rotten scoundrels reside with their fat greedy little grasping piggy faced x pens. We are presently updating to a new floormat. Any resistance and our under floormat cover operatives will slap protesting florid greedy faces with a monogrammed Dirty Des mat if those despicable people happen to be burning the midnight oil. Staying back after Big Ben hours no doubt to jack your interest up.

You may be thinking...and that's a great start..."Des? Why don't you just get your operatives to use sophisticated soft wear to do the dirty on these legalized crooks? Answer's simple. Myself,me, and my staff, wear hard wear! If you wear soft wear breaking into banks and other related loan houses of ill repute, our soft wear could get snagged on the file cabinet creating an investigation of such proportions the investigators may piece together the threads and build up a case of shorts minus boxers, then where would you people be? Up the creek without a gong down your thong. Do you get my drift?

The prices we charge depends on how deep you're in debt. In Greece's sake we'll bury the hatchet with an i.o.u.

So there you have it. If you would like to purchase a Desdebtdigmmm Deep franchise, give me a gong. But make sure it has a silencer fitted. But before you gong me, have a great weekend. I know i said at the beginning of my ad that debt never dies. But if you try to borrow as least as you can...you can make it feel awfully sick! Best of luck. Me and me and Peg the 'cook booker' are waiting for your call. DIG IT?

Serious, on tele. The CEO of Google when questioned,among other conglomerates by one of our independent politician 'good guys'...didn't have a clue what tax the company paid nor did most of the other shysters. Maybe they buried it deep in the heart of offshore forshore Taxes? Yet we get buried under abusive claptrap for missing a payment. The word bastards, get a gong here? :>)




About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

8 comments on CEO'S with lousy tax memories. RIGINAL.

Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By Barbara MacDonald on April 21, 2015 at 01:22 pm

A question...maybe you have the answer my friend...if you know you are going to die, (and I am not talking about me) should you max out your credit cards...lol as they can not get anything from a rock eh? ..just a thought.

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By riginal on April 21, 2015 at 08:36 pm

Barb the living dead (pensioners) are doing that now! :>)

It has been done more than you would think. IE people taking out huge policies. Indeed open ended results in police investigations often prove inconclusive. Was that person involved in a car accident suicidle? Person was VERY well insured? Wife a terrible cook? Mistook the ratsack for the pepperone? Coincidence? Lady of advanced years told me how her house got payed out. Seems her husband had terminal cancer, said nothing to her. Insured himself which paid out the house. Said nothing to the insurance. With tears in her eyes she reiterated what i was thinking. A very brave man who thought about his wife over his pain. "i miss him, he was very brave," she whispered. The insurance company? Stuff them. I know, i've got a bad attitude towards maggots.

Do you notice this selection of postings contain some less flog? :>) Es say what? :>) I think Irving's essay searching site overheated. Maybe the essay writer flogarama meeting took precendence? You'll live a long long time Twinkletoes. People full of love and peace generally do. Must go, i've got this nagging pain in my chest. Funny thing, my son said to me the other night when trying to balance his bills. "Dad, why don't you put a granny flat out back, then give me the rest of the money," (which would be stuff all). "Yeah son, chuck in a cougar granny and i'll think about it!" He was only joking of course? I wasn't. Have a great day. Rock on Ms. Poet. /:>)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By Barbara MacDonald on April 21, 2015 at 09:51 pm

I am happy for your friend...I am just finishing the estate thing from my ex-huband. I have passed on getting anything and want it all to be divided between my 3 kids....So many years they had nothing from their Dad...so this somewhat makes up for it. Yes, I see the floggers are alive and thriving still. Did you ever write to the owner and ask him about this?

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By riginal on April 22, 2015 at 12:11 am

Barb there you go again! There's a person in your life named Barb whom you have been ignoring for such a long time. Stop staring her out in the mirror of kindness and at least take her out and buy her an ice cream...before i scream! Before i ended up bereft nearly of everything and threw money at a problem which is unsolvable for the reasons we have discussed before on many occasions; the fact that your kids went without may indeed have made them appreciate everything in life just that little bit more and made them more mature towards others, and i hope in some however small way, they have inherited a smidgin of your goodness. Possibly the bub has? :>) They have the capacity to absorb love from their surroundings and loved ones you know! Two years back i would have had the money to buy the site. Had a small recording studio etc but through circumstance having had to start all over without much it may make me a stronger person and able to come out of my shell. At a snail's pace?:>)

Just kidding...i'm so insecure and so sexually repressed i always ask my shower head every morning "excuse me,is it okay if i turn you on?"

Barb, if the owner of this site whom i can't contact?and don't know, wants to contact me i'll reiterate what Shane Joseph has already told the meditating mediator of this site. P the ad garbage off. Start putting in guff relating to legite posts. Stories real and imagined...not a bloody al fresco umbrella of numbnuts flogging their wares unaware that this site originally was Tonyfied to despam and only put on legible posts pertaining to interesting things. Take for example Ricky Ricardo's descriptions of a wealth of entertainment in America. Great informative read. Makes me want to be there. Meant to congrat' on his latest piece. If i owned the site i would 'Tonyify' it. Go beg writers to come back who don't have permanent www.dumbflog inscripted in their laptop keydom. I don't know whether the idea is to create a wealth of carpetbagging travelers dumping there crap on the roadside of this site...or, that's where ad money is forthcoming? Or, whether the site owner/owners are caught in a vice-like ad media head lock seemingly imploding on itself. If the owner hasn't or won't respond to a noted writer such as Shane J who has the creds,then what hope is there? On the other side of the coin maybe this is planned? Also, the mediator can only put up input presented...to be fair. If this site was mine i'd beg the writers such as D Sager, Lumiere, D Kidea, Ed, Marta, etc etc to regale me with their poblogs. It's a bit like a literary Titanic if you get the ship's drift. If the Ed wants to put up his objections to what i've just briefly covered bring it on sir by all means so that a 'constructive' bailing out of ad garbage (do you want that Ed?) could at least be a consideration? Constructive or destructive comments pertaining to what i'm on about just don't happen, simply because the social/business media flies drop their ad dung and move on to the next available camping site. When furtive becomes allowable, open bland advertising one's goods, the aroma aint good. See i'm shy as you know Barb and i don't like to cause trouble if Ed thinks all is sweet in the garden of Eden ad. I contacted the ABC in Moe and starting to stir a bit of "sent you a CD have you listened to it yet? my name is...etc." This town needs picking up as you would a rag doll and having the crap literally shaken out of it radio wise. I'm waiting for them to 'bite' and invite me on but because i don't put my tongue in the right crevices it can create frustration. If i can get in i'd like to record some of your stuff with background music etc with your permission and also Ian's material. Mate rang me from a town a few hundred kilometres away said they're crying out for stuff. As opposed to these snobby producers ingrained in 'ordinary' telling you to get stuffed in a round about way. Like i said, pretty sly inane ad i'm sure anyone browsing through would scratch there heads at in bewilderment seems to be the mucho moment? How about it Ed? I don't chase people or deliberately bag things i and every relation of blind Freddy knows is wrong. But your 'wrong' Ed is your right but in this instance in my opinion the site is heading in the wrong writely direction. Please correct me if i'm wrong and let's get a bit of dialogue going here. And stop laughing Twinkletoes i'm a very sensitive person. Ad butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. Nor would i want it to too...or is it too too late to retract my observations. Perhaps i'm the odd one out and terribly terribly wrong in my assumptions? What do you think Ed? Maybe we could have a constructive conversation? I notice Tony has remodified his site Barb but my weary lapdog LT won't let me on. Been talking to Ian of the beard, wonderful writer, great guy. In the ring of write it's no good pussy footing around. When you're up against the 'ad' ropes you have to draw the line,take the gloves off ,mean what you're about and go about mean in order to box on. If you come across the Ed Barb, tell him to put what he's trying to achieve/represent- UP so that dialogue can be discussed. I would, but like i said, i'm shy! And tell your (slightly spoilt?) kids their mum is kind...and don't take advantage of a kind mum! Mine did. But that's another kettle of phish! You take care. :>)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By riginal on April 22, 2015 at 12:11 am

Barb there you go again! There's a person in your life named Barb whom you have been ignoring for such a long time. Stop staring her out in the mirror of kindness and at least take her out and buy her an ice cream...before i scream! Before i ended up bereft nearly of everything and threw money at a problem which is unsolvable for the reasons we have discussed before on many occasions; the fact that your kids went without may indeed have made them appreciate everything in life just that little bit more and made them more mature towards others, and i hope in some however small way, they have inherited a smidgin of your goodness. Possibly the bub has? :>) They have the capacity to absorb love from their surroundings and loved ones you know! Two years back i would have had the money to buy the site. Had a small recording studio etc but through circumstance having had to start all over without much it may make me a stronger person and able to come out of my shell. At a snail's pace?:>)

Just kidding...i'm so insecure and so sexually repressed i always ask my shower head every morning "excuse me,is it okay if i turn you on?"

Barb, if the owner of this site whom i can't contact?and don't know, wants to contact me i'll reiterate what Shane Joseph has already told the meditating mediator of this site. P the ad garbage off. Start putting in guff relating to legite posts. Stories real and imagined...not a bloody al fresco umbrella of numbnuts flogging their wares unaware that this site originally was Tonyfied to despam and only put on legible posts pertaining to interesting things. Take for example Ricky Ricardo's descriptions of a wealth of entertainment in America. Great informative read. Makes me want to be there. Meant to congrat' on his latest piece. If i owned the site i would 'Tonyify' it. Go beg writers to come back who don't have permanent www.dumbflog inscripted in their laptop keydom. I don't know whether the idea is to create a wealth of carpetbagging travelers dumping there crap on the roadside of this site...or, that's where ad money is forthcoming? Or, whether the site owner/owners are caught in a vice-like ad media head lock seemingly imploding on itself. If the owner hasn't or won't respond to a noted writer such as Shane J who has the creds,then what hope is there? On the other side of the coin maybe this is planned? Also, the mediator can only put up input presented...to be fair. If this site was mine i'd beg the writers such as D Sager, Lumiere, D Kidea, Ed, Marta, etc etc to regale me with their poblogs. It's a bit like a literary Titanic if you get the ship's drift. If the Ed wants to put up his objections to what i've just briefly covered bring it on sir by all means so that a 'constructive' bailing out of ad garbage (do you want that Ed?) could at least be a consideration? Constructive or destructive comments pertaining to what i'm on about just don't happen, simply because the social/business media flies drop their ad dung and move on to the next available camping site. When furtive becomes allowable, open bland advertising one's goods, the aroma aint good. See i'm shy as you know Barb and i don't like to cause trouble if Ed thinks all is sweet in the garden of Eden ad. I contacted the ABC in Moe and starting to stir a bit of "sent you a CD have you listened to it yet? my name is...etc." This town needs picking up as you would a rag doll and having the crap literally shaken out of it radio wise. I'm waiting for them to 'bite' and invite me on but because i don't put my tongue in the right crevices it can create frustration. If i can get in i'd like to record some of your stuff with background music etc with your permission and also Ian's material. Mate rang me from a town a few hundred kilometres away said they're crying out for stuff. As opposed to these snobby producers ingrained in 'ordinary' telling you to get stuffed in a round about way. Like i said, pretty sly inane ad i'm sure anyone browsing through would scratch there heads at in bewilderment seems to be the mucho moment? How about it Ed? I don't chase people or deliberately bag things i and every relation of blind Freddy knows is wrong. But your 'wrong' Ed is your right but in this instance in my opinion the site is heading in the wrong writely direction. Please correct me if i'm wrong and let's get a bit of dialogue going here. And stop laughing Twinkletoes i'm a very sensitive person. Ad butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. Nor would i want it to too...or is it too too late to retract my observations. Perhaps i'm the odd one out and terribly terribly wrong in my assumptions? What do you think Ed? Maybe we could have a constructive conversation? I notice Tony has remodified his site Barb but my weary lapdog LT won't let me on. Been talking to Ian of the beard, wonderful writer, great guy. In the ring of write it's no good pussy footing around. When you're up against the 'ad' ropes you have to draw the line,take the gloves off ,mean what you're about and go about mean in order to box on. If you come across the Ed Barb, tell him to put what he's trying to achieve/represent- UP so that dialogue can be discussed. I would, but like i said, i'm shy! And tell your (slightly spoilt?) kids their mum is kind...and don't take advantage of a kind mum! Mine did. But that's another kettle of phish! You take care. :>)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By riginal on April 22, 2015 at 12:19 am

...and i mean every word in ditto ish. A Jewish version of ditto:>)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By riginal on April 22, 2015 at 12:19 am

twice written twice spied? :>)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By Robert99 on April 29, 2015 at 03:04 am

Dissertation is one of the important activities followed by our education scheme. Cheap dissertation writing service assists you to create valid arguments in your paper.

 Report abuse



Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.


Rate This Article


Your vote matters to us



x


x