Saturday, July 21, 2018


by riginal (writer), moe australia, February 21, 2015

Are you all gummed up with ambition? Fighting a toothless Tiger?


Prof. Howl, MD X Trication. Howl all you students of Tooth? By gum i bet you students of the molar are itching to get your teeth into dentistry.

I am here to help you for free. What is dentistry? Dentistry is the pursuance of teethical study and fixation,unfixation- of same. I am going to list step- by- step the main factors to take in consideration.

By the end of this post you will have successfully passed a complete 'word of mouth' dentistry emollient which will enable you students out there to extract, fill,pull, grind, spit upon any such person who or whom dare argue with you that you are not qualified. I have a 100% pass rate. Only one failure. Endure Secondcarlatte, (of Italian teeth extraction) against my protestations, tried to fit a gummy shark with an aftermarket set of falsies. I know, it sucks.All falsies suck for that matter.

That gummy shark bit off more than it could chew. Endure took a snap shot of his handiwork. Turned to make a second latte. Was bitten in two by Gummy's return 'snap shot!'. NEVER turn your back on a shark when you swim up from the waterproof tank chair after fitting new teeth. Endure succumbed to the pain of a boiling cup of latte. After the shark swallowed him. Why, i don't know. You see Endure, despite having nearly fin his diploma, perplexed me. In the scale of things he got on swimmingly with my diploma. Rest in fish finger peace E,(or fish finger pieces). Endure, though fully trained, had gone to that great dentist chair in the sky. Where the toothpaste is not cloudy all day. Where never is heard disgusting dentist's pillage followed by billage.

Let's not dally students because i know you want to get a grip and start pulling. Herein are the main steps with answers to enable you to receive a Diploma in duh tooth fairy reign of pain.

First, put your name,ie: John Smith, on the top of my diploma in the left hand top corner which has been shortened due to the extraction of decayed paper. Smoothed over with white out.

1. What are teeth? (A) Little or big little square white things hanging from gums. If you're a smoker, rank smelling yellow things.

2. When should you pull teeth? (A) About 20 seconds after the patient tells you they can't pay. If they call you one, put their teeth back in and pull them out again...slowly!

3. What is the most important procedure in pulling a stubborn tooth? (A) Wear slippers so that when you're standing on a patient's chest you don't leave work boot footprints.

4. Should you take an x-ray before operating to ascertain which teeth need attention? (A) Not really, the patient may be in a hurry to get home to write down dentistry answers after realizing a diploma of plumbing takes up a whole weekend.

5. What are rusty pliers used for? (A) For removing the patient's credit card. After numbing the wallet.

6. If the patient rocks up after eating garlic and hasn't cleaned their teeth for ten years what is the fastest way around the problem without hurting the patient's feelings? (A) Throw a couple of gallons of mouthwash down the offending mouth. Get an industrial pressure cleaner and rid the gums of overhanging moss. Optional. Wire brush or grinder to cut back the undergrowth thus exposing the mouth. Try to keep most of the tongue because occasionally the patient may want to take to the podium to talk of the day they received their diploma in education which can be very beneficial should they want to teach. Optional of course as it is a three day course.

7. Under what circumstance would you call in paramedics? (A) Immediately their credit card expires. Or the patient.

8. Should the patient staring at an Obama dental plan on the ceiling be allowed out of the chair for any reason? (A) Only if the electricity in the chair fails to dislodge the wallet from the patient.

9. If the patient asks for a needle and you have run out of pain killer what should you do? (A) Wear earmuffs. Get the patient to drink a few gallons of coke thus ensuring the teeth will fall out of their own accord...eventually. Don't forget to give the patient a bag of lollies, remove the plaque...from the wall which states you have completed a comprehensive decay program in case dental authorities query your lolly flavors.

9. What is the most important piece of hygiene a dentist can and should familiarize himself or herself with? (A) Surgical gloves to pick their noses with. Gardening gloves may be used with the ends cut off the fingers. NOTE: Fingers of gloves...not digits.

10. Okay students, you have now completed an inextricable 'hands on' up to current trends of diplomatic procedure when dealing with the public's teeth. One word of warning. If payment is not received on the day, keep the patient's teeth until they can afford to. Welcome to molar friendly dip. I wish all your patient's suck cess. Be sure all credit cards are sterilized thoroughly before sending me your diploma fee of just $200,000 which covers the diploma postage. Pliers, back up jackhammer, rubber mallet, non- rusting inferior stainless screws to screw patient's to the wall that try to sneak out when you're offloading their free gift of sugar free canned coke saturated with glucose; plus a free bag of lollies so that you can loll around until the pain wears off.

Next week i will supply the questions and answers to an age old problem. Short cuts. You may subscribe to my latest one page magazine. On the tenth page in alphabetical disorder under "duh?" you will be able to take out a diploma of selected toothbrush bristle re implantation for bald toothbrushes. 100,000 toothbrushes are thrown away each year simply because toothbrush bristle hairpieces were not available up until now.

Yes, horse bristle toothbrush hairpieces have been used. Trouble is, if neddie sleeps in, it's a real struggle to get the old nag up out of bed to clean its teeth. There's an old saying. You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to squeeze toothpaste on its reinstated brush and clean its teeth in the recommended manner. This in effect was why the horseless carriage came about. Originally they cleaned their teeth on a regular basis but the Greek horses of old used to stop dead in a garlic grove and munch until the owner's kicked up a stink...the horses followed suit. Getting those Greek horses into a suit was hard enough. Sure, the bigger draft horses wore collars, but do you think they would get tied up? Most discarded their ties, galloped off with a bad breath.

I must get back to my diploma of convertible snails. Getting the shell top down isn't a problem. Unfortunately they are increasingly suffering sun burn. Perhaps we should all gather our thoughts and slow down to a snail's pace? I mean think about it. How many bloody dodgy diplomas does it take to screw in society...or... screw up a mediocre society? I mean isn't there anyone out there happy to just float along in life with a reconstituted bristle toothbrush? They're garlic free! Hardly been used. Ten different colors. Black or white. Have a wonderful study weekend. Don't fight tooth and nail to get somewhere. Just suck it and see before you leap into anxious decay-ok? And clean your teeth before you go to bed. And there's no such thing as the tooth fairy. I would have thought that was fairy obvious.Sorry. :>)

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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