Friday, November 16, 2018

U.S. Bombs North's IKEA

by J. La Mont (writer), , October 15, 2006


Pres. Bush announced at 7:32 eastern time this morning that the United States had bombed North's IKEA. North, a small suburb of Minneapolis, has traditionally voted Democratic with a population of 36,423 according to the 2000 census.

"The United States will not stand idly by when evildoers endanger our country. Intelligence officials have assured me that the North Ikeans were attempting to obtain and use weapons of mass destruction," explained Bush at this morning's press conference.

The AP reports there were no known casualties. The bombings took place before the store was opened but heavy losses were inflicted on affordable furniture and whimsical knickknacks.

Prof. Brandon E. Heinz, Professor of Military Studies at the University of Minnesota, believes this may be a case of mistaken identity. "Bush may have confused IKEA with Korea. Many in the academic community believe that Bush could suffer from illiteracy. This isn't completely unfounded. For example Iraq who posed little threat to the U.S. is very similar to Iran who may. While the difference is only one letter this mistake seriously changed our country's foreign policy," claimed Heinz.

Democratic strategist James Carville thinks otherwise. "Of course Bush can read good. What this is about is politics. The Republicans are facing defeats across the country. Bombing Ikea kills two birds with one bomb. Democrats won't leave their houses for fear of bombardment while blowing stuff up is a great way to raise poll numbers." said Carville who continued with, "Remember when Bush had an approval rating over 60%. FDR was elected 4 times on this strategy. Karl Rove has really outdone himself this time."

North's IKEA Store Manager Paul Karrer released a short statement to the press that, "We know spending a day at IKEA is an event for the whole family. We will rebuild and be better before with the same great service and quality that you'd would expect from IKEA."

The Pentagon will have a briefing later this afternoon with free bombing pictures and 100% cotton t-shirts to members of the press who report the story in a fair and balance way. "I hope they're baby blue," exclaimed an excited Geraldo Rivera.

About the Writer

J. La Mont is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on U.S. Bombs North's IKEA

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By Annonymous on October 15, 2006 at 03:08 pm
Ahah, hilarious, great job on writing this article dude!
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By Veronika8 on June 23, 2009 at 09:32 am
News Coverage of Iran Elections by RealNews

see video and more at

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