CORRECTIVE PUNCHUATION. RIGINAL.
Hi, me name's Jim Bowie. Knife to meet you. I recently retired as a bantam weight boxer. The bantam couldn't stand the wait til the fight was over so it flew away. Bantam is a small chook. Fowl play.
I decided to give up boxing and knife throwing because it is dangerous. Besides, i only took a stab at boxing because blow me down (last fight a blow downed me!) i decided to throw my literary glove in and ring an online course regarding punctuation.
As Dirty Harry once said, "are you feeling English pronunciation punk...well are you?"
I didn't think i would be accepted, for one reason i am not real smart but by small fortune, (paid as par for the course) i was accepted on the basis that if i really really concentrated i would eventually be able to write my name, address, date of $ girth, and my phone number. I told them i didn't have a phone number so they said they'd give me a ring on my non existent number.
I'm waiting by my non existent phone.
My course inquiry saw fruition.The teacher said "i am going to ask you a few simple questions."
T:" If i hold five fingers up how many am i holding up as a rule of thumb?"
ME:" This is a trick question, the thrust of it centers not on how many fingers are up, more importantly, fingers are up WHAT?" T:" Correct! they're up your wallet. And we are thumbing through your money. Using five fingers. If one used a vowel what would be a good start?"
T:" Correct! what is a pro noun?"
ME:"A pro noun is a street walking noun soliciting wealthy words, and usually ends up in or with a sentence some sidewalk distance down the road."
T:" Correct. When would you not sight a conjunctive adverb?"
ME:"When the adverb has conjunctivitis."
T:"Correct. What is herd but not seen?"
ME:"The invisible man's one invisible cow."
T:"Wrong, a cow is not herd."
ME:"But you just said it's herd?"
T:"Correct, just thought i'd milk it."
ME:"How do you milk an invisible cow?"
T:" Yet to be seen. Put an adjective in this sentence. "Where is invisible Mr Brown's brown invisible cow now?"
.ME:"Wait a minute, if the owner of the brown invisible cow now is invisible how do you know it's Mr. Brown? and furthermore if said cow is invisible how do you know it's brown?"
T:"Correct. We'll milk the online cash cow for you."
ME:"And here i was worrying about shysters online when all the dime you were taking from me is enriching my knowledge, all above board with not a trace of invisible bull. There's an old saying. "Trust only becomes a four letter word after you check your savings account. So many courses,so little dime. So many Ed ad spruikers filtering in- why? Have a great day. :>)