Hell on Earth - Los Angeles
Variety reports that Fox has green lit what many Hollywood insiders call â€œthe most fantastic display of the degradation of western civilization and possible proof that humanity has bottomed out with this sycophantic spectacle of ego mongering and self promotion. â€œThe Horsemenâ€ will be round table of morally challenged personalities consisting of Donald Trump, Tucker Carlson, Nancy Grace, Bill Oâ€™Reilly, Carrot Top and of course The Dark Lord Satan.
Nancy Grace actually grew out her horns and had her hooves polished just for the chance to get into the ring for classy and â€œrelevantâ€ banter with the likes of Trump and Oâ€™Reilly and all involved agree that â€œThe Horsemenâ€ will possibly go down as one of the great crimes against humanity.
The Don said â€œI hate Rosie, sheâ€™s a disgusting piece of human excrement. I hope that every KFC bucket of chicken she eats at has avian flu and is chalked full of Hepatitis. She could be eating my new line of steaks or drinking my new Trump brand vodka, that tastes like sweatshop labor and comes in a bottle shaped like a bidet. What that cow needs to learn to be more classy and tactful, LIKE ME, DONALD TRUMP.â€
And we are offâ€¦as Trump sets the bar as only he could during the shows opening introductions.
Bill Oâ€™Reilly will start the show by jumping onto the back of a Mexican day laborer posing as a soap box and rant right into the weather forecast and then â€œThe Coronerâ€™s Report,â€œ which from what I understand is apparently the complete opposite of what Willard Scott does on The Today Show, but with more angry right wing fevered and less old guy senile creepiness.
Carlson who had been delegated to lunchtime moron fodder for beltway big shots after his on air squabble with Jon Stewart, was glad to be involved in such a worthwhile project. Itâ€™ll be a bow tie bonanza as Tucker climbs off his high horse, sits in an empty room and spews out toxic garbled garbage that he feels is newsworthy on that particular day, while entertaining only people confined to comas and hordes of mindless drooling McCarthy-ites. Bow tie enthusiasts will be glad to see him back in the waning spotlight as he will be filling the gaping void that Bozo the Clown left when he died.
Speaking of clownsâ€¦
Trump will use his on-air time as best as he knows how by trying to ruin Rosie Oâ€™Donnellâ€™s life and being a financial analysis with segments aptly titled â€œClass Your Ass-sets with me, Donald Trump and â€œWhy youâ€™ll never get rich and famous playing the stock market, by me Donald Trumpâ€ while highly touted segment â€œHow to maintain a bitchinâ€™ comb over, by me Donald Trumpâ€ was nixed after it was revealed that his hair was not in fact natural, but was in fact the carcass of an endangered red panda.
At the peak of every show Carrot Top will come into the studio and throw rocks at blind children in wheelchairs while setting puppies on fire, as all 6 fall to their kneeâ€™s in some deviant animalistic sacrificial worship to their messiah Marwvar, who is reportedly their God of Money and Power. Deviant sexual perversions that can only be described as morosely bizarre and can only be preformed by underage Taiwanese Transvestite prostitutes from a sketchy West Hollywood brothel will be preformed for the first time on live television.
Then when all is thought to be lost and the bar is set as low as possible, Nancy Grace crawls out of the bridge she lives under and blitzkriegs the streets of Los Angeles, spitting on homeless people, screaming psychotic life-threatening rhetoric and in one very special segment actually travels to Germany in order to find Hitlerâ€™s remains so that the good people at Fox can clone him and give him his very own talk show aptly named â€œThe Aryan Agendaâ€ with co-host Grand Wizard David Dukes. Of course everyone knows that theyâ€™ll have to dig up Joe Goebbels too in order to make him an Executive Producer and personal hype machine for what can only be imagined as the most one-sided political hour since Foxâ€˜s holiday special entitled â€œA Very White Christmasâ€ with Senator Strom Thurmond .
Fox will air the as the anchor to a crime against humanity lineup that will include NASCAR , a two-hour block of Cops and capped off by all of the â€œFaces of Deathâ€ videos and is being deemed as the most morally deranged 6 hours in television history. They are hoping that the lineup will be strong enough to catch the LCD factor, known in â€œthe businessâ€ as the Lowest Common Denominator demographic that includes viewers consisting of child pornographers, IRS agents and Neo-Nazi Skinheads. The program will be brought to you by every type of male erection pill imaginable, every major cigarette company, and â€œThe Big Slickâ€ A.K.A. Big Oil. In one commercial, a man takes a pill, lubes himself up with Iraqi crude, slowly screws America and smokes a cigarette afterward in a scene that is eerily reminiscent of George Bushâ€™s 2004 campaign ads.
And while the end credits roll, Lucifer himself will come on and sing â€œAmazing Graceâ€ while burning bibles, flipping off the audience, sodomizing Santa Claus and striking a baby suffering from Downs Syndrome with a sock full of D-batteries.
Many people ask why these semi-human beings would merge into such a conglomerate of greed and burning white hate. Itâ€™s not actually that complicated. Oâ€™Reilly likes the sound of his own voice, Carlson will do anything to gain credibility, Nancy Grace is possessed by soul sucking classless demon bigotry, Carrot Top has run out of things to pull out of boxes and The Don will do anything if the price is right.
Gypsies tramps and thieves all dressed in Armani suits; all thrust before the all encompassing power of the video camera to force misconstrued facts and figures in order to sensationalize a political agenda. It begs the question â€œWho plays the fiddle as the American Dream burns wildly through night in a frenzied media orgy, a blood fueled a free for all, in order to obtain the all important dollar?â€ Where do â€œWE THE PEOPLEâ€¦â€ drawn the line? Ask yourself this as you look into the vast abyss of American news coverage: Is it the people reporting the news who are at fault for pushing an agenda or is it the people who take misconstrued facts and figures at face value and claim it as â€œthe truth?â€
â€œThe Horsemenâ€ will be followed by a 24 hour marathon of Lenni Riefenstahlâ€™s â€œTriumph of the Will.â€ More programming featuring â€œfair and balanced coverageâ€ that only the altruists at Fox News are qualified to bring you.
· This is of course a fictional article. If you have been bamboozled into believing it, it may be time to shut of your television, get off your computer and go spend some time outdoors and away from all the brainwash machines.
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Copyright © 2010 Shawn Norris
Trump, O'Reilly, Grace and Carlson get show on Fox News!
Copyright © 2010 Shawn Norris
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