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Trump, O'Reilly, Grace and Carlson get show on Fox News!

by Shawn Norris (writer), Los Angeles, August 10, 2007


Hell on Earth - Los Angeles

Variety reports that Fox has green lit what many Hollywood insiders call “the most fantastic display of the degradation of western civilization and possible proof that humanity has bottomed out with this sycophantic spectacle of ego mongering and self promotion. “The Horsemen” will be round table of morally challenged personalities consisting of Donald Trump, Tucker Carlson, Nancy Grace, Bill O’Reilly, Carrot Top and of course The Dark Lord Satan.

Nancy Grace actually grew out her horns and had her hooves polished just for the chance to get into the ring for classy and “relevant” banter with the likes of Trump and O’Reilly and all involved agree that “The Horsemen” will possibly go down as one of the great crimes against humanity.

The Don said “I hate Rosie, she’s a disgusting piece of human excrement. I hope that every KFC bucket of chicken she eats at has avian flu and is chalked full of Hepatitis. She could be eating my new line of steaks or drinking my new Trump brand vodka, that tastes like sweatshop labor and comes in a bottle shaped like a bidet. What that cow needs to learn to be more classy and tactful, LIKE ME, DONALD TRUMP.”

And we are off…as Trump sets the bar as only he could during the shows opening introductions.

Bill O’Reilly will start the show by jumping onto the back of a Mexican day laborer posing as a soap box and rant right into the weather forecast and then “The Coroner’s Report,“ which from what I understand is apparently the complete opposite of what Willard Scott does on The Today Show, but with more angry right wing fevered and less old guy senile creepiness.

Carlson who had been delegated to lunchtime moron fodder for beltway big shots after his on air squabble with Jon Stewart, was glad to be involved in such a worthwhile project. It’ll be a bow tie bonanza as Tucker climbs off his high horse, sits in an empty room and spews out toxic garbled garbage that he feels is newsworthy on that particular day, while entertaining only people confined to comas and hordes of mindless drooling McCarthy-ites. Bow tie enthusiasts will be glad to see him back in the waning spotlight as he will be filling the gaping void that Bozo the Clown left when he died.

Speaking of clowns…

Trump will use his on-air time as best as he knows how by trying to ruin Rosie O’Donnell’s life and being a financial analysis with segments aptly titled “Class Your Ass-sets with me, Donald Trump and “Why you’ll never get rich and famous playing the stock market, by me Donald Trump” while highly touted segment “How to maintain a bitchin’ comb over, by me Donald Trump” was nixed after it was revealed that his hair was not in fact natural, but was in fact the carcass of an endangered red panda.

At the peak of every show Carrot Top will come into the studio and throw rocks at blind children in wheelchairs while setting puppies on fire, as all 6 fall to their knee’s in some deviant animalistic sacrificial worship to their messiah Marwvar, who is reportedly their God of Money and Power. Deviant sexual perversions that can only be described as morosely bizarre and can only be preformed by underage Taiwanese Transvestite prostitutes from a sketchy West Hollywood brothel will be preformed for the first time on live television.

Then when all is thought to be lost and the bar is set as low as possible, Nancy Grace crawls out of the bridge she lives under and blitzkriegs the streets of Los Angeles, spitting on homeless people, screaming psychotic life-threatening rhetoric and in one very special segment actually travels to Germany in order to find Hitler’s remains so that the good people at Fox can clone him and give him his very own talk show aptly named “The Aryan Agenda” with co-host Grand Wizard David Dukes. Of course everyone knows that they’ll have to dig up Joe Goebbels too in order to make him an Executive Producer and personal hype machine for what can only be imagined as the most one-sided political hour since Fox‘s holiday special entitled “A Very White Christmas” with Senator Strom Thurmond .

Fox will air the as the anchor to a crime against humanity lineup that will include NASCAR , a two-hour block of Cops and capped off by all of the “Faces of Death” videos and is being deemed as the most morally deranged 6 hours in television history. They are hoping that the lineup will be strong enough to catch the LCD factor, known in “the business” as the Lowest Common Denominator demographic that includes viewers consisting of child pornographers, IRS agents and Neo-Nazi Skinheads. The program will be brought to you by every type of male erection pill imaginable, every major cigarette company, and “The Big Slick” A.K.A. Big Oil. In one commercial, a man takes a pill, lubes himself up with Iraqi crude, slowly screws America and smokes a cigarette afterward in a scene that is eerily reminiscent of George Bush’s 2004 campaign ads.

And while the end credits roll, Lucifer himself will come on and sing “Amazing Grace” while burning bibles, flipping off the audience, sodomizing Santa Claus and striking a baby suffering from Downs Syndrome with a sock full of D-batteries.

Many people ask why these semi-human beings would merge into such a conglomerate of greed and burning white hate. It’s not actually that complicated. O’Reilly likes the sound of his own voice, Carlson will do anything to gain credibility, Nancy Grace is possessed by soul sucking classless demon bigotry, Carrot Top has run out of things to pull out of boxes and The Don will do anything if the price is right.

Gypsies tramps and thieves all dressed in Armani suits; all thrust before the all encompassing power of the video camera to force misconstrued facts and figures in order to sensationalize a political agenda. It begs the question “Who plays the fiddle as the American Dream burns wildly through night in a frenzied media orgy, a blood fueled a free for all, in order to obtain the all important dollar?” Where do “WE THE PEOPLE…” drawn the line? Ask yourself this as you look into the vast abyss of American news coverage: Is it the people reporting the news who are at fault for pushing an agenda or is it the people who take misconstrued facts and figures at face value and claim it as “the truth?”

“The Horsemen” will be followed by a 24 hour marathon of Lenni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will.” More programming featuring “fair and balanced coverage” that only the altruists at Fox News are qualified to bring you.

· This is of course a fictional article. If you have been bamboozled into believing it, it may be time to shut of your television, get off your computer and go spend some time outdoors and away from all the brainwash machines.

About the Writer

Shawn Norris is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on Trump, O'Reilly, Grace and Carlson get show on Fox News!

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Jen on August 10, 2007 at 01:19 pm
You mean...this isn't going to be a daily show? Drats... Loved this!
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Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By crisdel on August 10, 2007 at 08:59 pm
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Log In To Vote   Score: 4
By Shawn Norris on August 11, 2007 at 12:57 am
ann coulter and nancy grace should go toe toe toe in a battle to the death steel cage match. winner gets stoned to death in the town square...
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