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Monday, November 20, 2017

Recall on air bag safety...RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, October 23, 2014

Vital information when you're screwing round a steering wheel.

BAGS ON AIR. RIGINAL.

Look, mechanically speaking i'm pretty adept. Air bags. They save your life. But in a direct contradiction, the car manual states that an air bag when mucked around with can blow up and kill you! This is ridiculous mechanical verbatim. Car manufacturers you can't have it both ways now can you? It's a bit like being married to a bad bad woman. She can save your life or she can kill you. That's what the marriage manual says anyway. Though i'm not really into manual women i prefer the automatic version. Sure, you can't push start them, but if you keep them fully charged i can't see any problem? I mechanically digress.

So, i started to muck round with the steering wheel, pulled the steering pad off,didn't have my glasses on so i stuck my nose on the bag component containment charge and read the small print which said in a round about way..."listen jerk off! don't muck round with this component, pull,twist or tamper with a screwdriver or it could blow up in your face. So i did and it did. I ended up with a virtual bag wrapped round my head. My ears started ringing, my nose still sniffs...out of my ear! It was near Halloween. So i cut two eyes and mine in the front of the bag,put a sprig of parsley on top, painted orange stripes round the outside of the bag, looked rather fashionable. I rang a dating site, the lady who answered said, "i'm really attractive,what do you look like if i should decide to let you take me out on Halloween night?" It was a night time gig so i replied," On a dark night, with a bag over my head i look quite presentable." She said,"you'll do..." I said," i'll do what?" She laughed throatily and murmured, "we'll see pumpkin head!" Had a great time. Drank pumpkin wine, did the pumpkin twist, had a ball. On the way home though, the cops pulled me over, said "have you been drinking pumpkin wine?" I said "yes!"

The lady officer, a sumo wrestler reject, said, "blow in the bag..." I said, "i already have, it blew me as well." She said, "you two get out and walk a straight line..." We were in San Fran Cisco, so i said, "maybe we can walk a gay lion?" She ignored me, pulled a 'straight' sniffer lion out of her boot,(she wore one very large boot) "walk a fine line...NOW! My date muttered, "doesn't look like a fine lion to me,rather scraggy." Anyway, i crossed the line,i mean it was a cross- eyed lion lurching all over the place like a drunken lyin' sailor.

We were both let off with a warning. If we attempted to get out of the police car we would be thrown back inside again. So why the hell would we be wanting to get out in the first place? That's the problem with the U.S.A. you rock up with a pumpkin head nearly sober and they treat you like a second class pumpkin head. Just be careful round airbags, they can save your life, or they can blow up in your face and redirect your snot into your eardrum. Forcing you on Halloween night to carry a hanky in your ear. Must pack my bag, bye now, have a great weekend. :>)



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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