RADIO 'HOTSPANK' EMILY. RIGINAL.
Emily Hotspank, this, my radio show for newcomers, be warned...WOMEN and women only! But first a commercial.
Girls, do you want to keep bugs out of your underthings? Simple! Don't let the little buggers know where you live!
Today's program is about women who can't make their minds up. Some are so mixed up, be twist, be cream,they can't even make their own breakfast, or indeed, beds up. Girls i would like to be serious about a subject which is so vexing i get a headache thinking about it. Many many of my friends, male, female, the occasional leather whip, (on special occasions when a 'whip around' is required) say to me, "what does a woman look for in a man, or more to the point, do women really need men?
I have been involved in approximately 100 'off the scuff' relationships, and their relations. I have been scuffed rather badly. Oh yes girls i hear yews loud and clear,"we have been scuffed and we're not going to take it any more! More or less."
I have had my heart broken into tiny little pieces by that thing known as a man. What is a man? A man is the end result of God creating something when having a day off,which most men do. They come in different sizes/types. Broke, rich. Medium rare, well done. The married variety, never does anything. Do we as a whole, or on it,really need a man? The immediate answer springs to mind. NO.
I'm going to throw the Hotspank line wide open to get your views,answer your questions. Ms Upyourself you have my ear. Last time you curled up in it. Go ahead, what does a man do for you?
Ms Upherself: "Nothing."
H:"You must be completely self sufficient i feel your vibes, you don't need the worry of one of those smelly things?"
Ms Upherself: "Not at all,trying to get rid of one."
H:" When is the last time that pig made you feel like a satisfied woman?"
Ms Upherself:"When Dicksome stood up and admitted to Watergate."
H:" Don't you mean Nixon's Watergate?"
Ms Upherself: "Well...it was some Dick's water, i remember he shouted, "i did not have Watergate sex with that woman!"
H:" A major problem most women complain of, i think your politics are a bit mixed up, but at least your Dick's in the right place. Tricky Dicky or deny, deny, Ms Upyourself i fully understand why, and keep up a stiff upper flip. Men are not my cup of tea. Women listen to me, we don't need them. Thanks for nothing keep on paddling, Ms Up. After this commercial we'll talk to a lady who finds great pleasure in building plastic men out of Legos."
"Do you find it hard to live with Bill's? Try Bob's. You'll end up with smaller Bill's but Bob's puts all your Bill's in the one easy to reach bin. If you've already bin there don't be greedy. Billy Bob is on call 24 hrs a day, no job too small no job too tall. As long as you have an extension ladder in your stocking. If you don't have a ladder in your stocking, don't shave girls, gives Billy Bob a chance to get a foothold. You may scream out "Lego...!" For goodness sake girls make up your minds. Men are scum. But we do have to have sponsors. It's Billy Bob for emergencies, the first 20 callers will receive a monthly...supply, of wheatgerm. Or, if you're on a diet, just the germs."
H: "With me in the studio i have man hater and vice president of Lego men, Hilary Vibrator. Hil thanks for coming over, how did you happen upon the idea of building plastic men with little safety helmets and electric motors?"
Hill:" H i was getting over the hill. One day i was toying with my brush cutter when it suddenly roared into action and flicked my legos in all directions. Blew my Lego box to smithereens. But i felt a strange feeling of pleasure i had never felt before except when i divorced my husband and got nine ninths of his Lego set."
H:" What did your husband say Hilary?"
Hill:" Started with the 6th letter of the alphabet...ended with gee! I started to put Legos together, little round safety hats, with electrics. Or hand controls with a manual for do-it-yourselfers. Men,are no longer needed."
H:"Precisely my point, well Hilary that about winds the Legos up."
Hill:" You don't wind them up! They're electric girl."
H: (LAUGHS) "What i meant to say is, "that about wraps it up Hill."
Hill:" No! no! no! they don't come wrapped up and they need extra batteries if you want them to go up the hill."
H:" Have it your way Hill, let's leave off..."
Hill:" You can't leave it off girl,no point in starting if you're going to leave it off...you might as well go get a manual man."
H:" Let's leave it there..."
Hill:" What? The Lego or the man?"
H:" WHATEVER! What ever turns a woman on!"
Hill:" I'm a bit contused?"
H:" Aren't we all...this is Emily Hotspank, good buy, and you get extra batteries if you're a bit over the hill."
Hill:" Ride on Emily." have a great day. :>)